PP 320: Words That Work with Mary Shores

“Awareness of your choices is the key to freedom.” -Mary Shores

Mary went out on her own at age 16, and overcame amazing odds after starting her business at age 24! Listen as Kim and Mary share their entrepreneurial journeys, their thoughts on debt collection tactics, overcoming struggles, and more!

 

Highlights:

02:20 Entrepreneur At 24
04:55 Debt Collection
05:25 Words That Work
10:00 The “But” Excuses And The Beliefs Behind Them
18:50 Five Steps To Break Through Your Break Down
19:38 Our Brains Love Lists
25:11 Conscious Communication

 

Listen in as @thekimsutton and @mary_shores share their #entrepreneurial journeys, thoughts on #debt collection tactics, overcoming #struggles, and more! Listen at: https://www.thekimsutton.com/pp320 #positiveproductivity #podcast #businessbuilding #breakingbreakdown #noBUTs #lists #wordpowerClick To Tweet

Connect with Mary

 

Mary Shores is an author, entrepreneur, and CEO. She has also run a debt collection agency for the last 21 years. She used her debt collection agency as a lab to discover how conscious communication can transform business. Today, Mary and her team helps their clients improve communication to create the business of their dreams. 

 

Resources Mentioned

Hay House Publishing
FoodStirs
Work the System by Sam Carpenter
Babysitters Club Books (Kim just needed to throw this in here!)

 

Inspirational Quotes:

05:42 “We are creating our world around us frame by frame through all of the words we use, and the choices we make in every given moment.” -Mary Shores

07:45 “Having debt is actually a psychological burden that keeps people swirling in this unworthiness space that will stop them from living the life of their dreams. I want to change that. I want us to experience freedom from debt, and it starts with our perception about the way we look at it.” -Mary Shores 

09:48 “Words are a mirror to your subconscious.” -Mary Shores

13:16 “If you take one or two steps in the direction that you want to go, some synchronistic force comes down and meets you halfway.” -Mary Shores

16:27 “Sh*t is going to hit the fan in your life. And the best thing you can do for yourself is have a way to process that in healthy ways because you can’t positively think your way out of a problem.”  -Mary Shores

17:12 “When things go wrong, it doesn’t mean that we’re not staying positive. But despite what’s going wrong, we have to keep moving forward.” -Kim Sutton

25:25 “Awareness of your choices are the keys to freedom.” -Mary Shores

25:44 “True transformation is something that happens in small pivots over a very long period of time.” -Mary Shores

28:16 “Everything you say, everything you do, every word that comes out of your mouth, every action you take, every choice you make in the thinnest sliced moment is either creating deeper connections to what you want, or it’s driving disconnections.” -Mary Shores

Episode Transcription

Kim Sutton: Welcome back to another episode of Positive Productivity. This is your host, Kim Sutton, and I’m so happy to have you here today. I’m thrilled to introduce our guest, Mary Shores. Mary is the accidental mentor and author of Conscious Communications. 

Welcome, Mary. I’m so happy to have you.

Mary Shores: Yeah. So nice and exciting to meet you today, Kim.

Kim Sutton: And you as well. I would love it if you would give a little bit of backstory to how you got to where you are today and what you’re doing today to the listeners?

Mary Shores: Sure. Well, I feel like I’ve definitely lived many lifetimes so far, just only in my mid 30’s. Mostly because I was a teenager who was out on my own at 16 with very little guidance, and absolutely zero resources. But I managed to still graduate high school. And once I recovered from this shattered past, I went down to start a business being the youngest person in my industry to open my agency at the age of 24. So I was very much in those days, like a one woman show and had an entrepreneurial mind that served me very well over the next 20 years. Building what a lot of people consider to be a successful career as a CEO, and I created a communication strategy called Words That Work. Eventually became a public speaker, and now an author of the best selling book, Conscious Communications.

Kim Sutton: Mary, I’m blown away. You started your business at 24. At 24, I really had no idea what I wanted to do. I thought I did, but looking back now, I was just doing what everybody else sort of expected me to do. I know you said you were on your own at 16. How did the journey happen when you opened your business at 24.

Mary Shores: Oh, that’s like a story that could take hours to tell. But it didn’t come from like the best of circumstances. Really what was going on was my family owned a business, and my mother who has suffered significant mental illness issues, which is one of the reasons I was out on my own at 16. Basically, like abandoning her business in the middle of the night. And I had already been planning in those days to open up my own company in another town. And so I had to go in and sort of save things. 

So she was being grabbed by me, literally, she loaded up semis in the middle of the night and left town. And yeah, it was terrible. And I just went in, and was really passionate about trying to keep things right. Like keeping accounts straight, building relationships with some of the clients. Like a couple enough to really just get started on my own. But the real story is that I think, since the time I was a little girl, I just always wanted to be involved in business. So when other little girls at like 9 and 10 were playing house, I was playing bank in my garage. And what that looked like was I had all this like money that I had created, and then I had all the kids in the neighborhood, they all had accounts at my bank, and they would come through my garage on their like tricycles, and bicycles and little big wheels to do their accounting when they were playing house. So it was kind of fun. But I think that that seed had been planted early on, that this was what was exciting to me, and certainly in those days. And by the way, when I was 24, I didn’t know anything either. So I just sort of muddled my way through those first few years.

Kim Sutton: Yeah. I’m thinking that I’m in my late 30’s, I remember when I turned eight, I got my first The Baby-Sitters Club books. Have you ever read those?

Mary Shores: No, never heard of them.

Kim Sutton: I don’t even know if they’re still out. I’m sure I can go to a used bookstore and get some for my little girls. But there were four girls originally who started their own babysitting business, and they had their fund that funded the whole business. And they had a phone line, and I thought that was so exciting. So that sort of got the bugs started in me. So as soon as I could, I got my babysitting certificate so I could start, and I had the entrepreneurial bug early as well. Where did your business go next? And is it still the same business that you’re in today?

Mary Shores: Yes, it is. So I am the CEO of a debt collections company. And I think that I wanted to run things differently than most debt collectors because I wanted to take a sales approach versus more of an approach of intimidation and anxiety, which is what most of the debt collectors were doing, especially back in the 90’s. And actually up until now, that’s never changed. And I wanted to take a sales approach because I felt like people can only do what they can do. They’re not criminals because they owe money. I didn’t want them to be treated as such. But eventually, I sort of became really fascinated and intrigued with the power of words. And so I, myself had decided that I wanted to take a different path in life in a much more spiritual path. And I was actually really worried about like, well, how was I going to be on this spiritual path and reach enlightenment or self actualization if I’m a debt collector? Because I really saw that as something that had super bad negative stigma to it. 

So I created this communication strategy called Words That Work, which is really all based on the power of words, and this is something that was a huge discovery in my life. Because once I understood the power of words, I really understood how and why we are really creating our world around us like frame by frame through all of the words we use, and the choices we make in every given moment. 

So the thing is, I really started studying words, and I figured out some words that trigger people’s fight or flight system. And so people, they already feel bad enough when they have a debt. And my mission just became, like I remember literally one day, I just looked at the phone and I said, I want the next person who calls to be happier at the end of the call than they were at the beginning of the call. And that led me on this journey to create this communication strategy that’s all about avoiding words that trigger people’s fight or flight system and inserting words, I call them Words That Work, instead that activate someone’s parasympathetic system, which is really like how companies like Harley and Apple computers create customers who are disciples. And so from there, I took this system and I started training, especially in healthcare. So I started training in other companies, and healthcare, in IT, in sales and car dealership, it just really, really took off. So not only did I find use for it in transforming my own company, but I was also able to use it to teach other companies how to build rapport, and strengthen the connections that they have with their customers and clients, and essentially eliminate the disconnections.

Kim Sutton: I could give you a big hug for wanting to leave people feeling better at the end of the conversation than they felt at the beginning. Because in the span of this business, and to be totally honest, going back to my first business, I have been no stranger to debt collectors. Listeners, I’m very transparent. We’ve had our financial issues, but I can’t say that I’ve had that experience very much with those collectors that they’ve left me or my husband feeling better at the end than we did at the beginning.

Mary Shores: Yeah. Our entire mission, and my own personal mission is I want people to feel good about the fact that they want to pay their debt instead of feeling shame and unworthiness for having a debt, because having a debt is actually a psychological burden. And it’s a burden that keeps people swirling in this unworthiness space that will stop them from living the life of their dreams. And this was big for me, because I feel like we have a debt issue in our country. And my larger mission is I really want to change that. I want us to experience freedom from debt, and it really starts with our perception about the way we look at it.

Kim Sutton: Oh, absolutely. And I agree with you. There’s definitely a big issue with that. I’ve shared on the podcast before that. In my first business, I ran up $100,000 of debt, it was an online craft shop. And I thought that the more inventory I purchased, the more successful I would get.

Mary Shores: Sure.

Kim Sutton: And I didn’t know more than that. I had credit cards from when I was 18 that they had built to $30,000 credit lines, and I maxed them all out, and I couldn’t pay them off. So the next thing I know, it’s the day before Thanksgiving, and the creditors are calling, when are you going to pay your next payment? When is it going to happen? I was like, this is the day before Thanksgiving, I’m just trying to be with my family. Well, don’t you have anybody else that you can talk to? And it just felt really low. But as time has gone on, I’ve cleaned up my credit. Listeners, as possible, you have the very good fortune of working with somebody from Mary’s company to make it happen. But it is possible. And I know it’s hard when you’re in the heat of the moment, and your credit scores are tanking, and you see all the big credit card balances, and bills, and a low bank balance, but it is recoverable. So take us further along your journey. You’ve written a book, what did that look like for you?

Mary Shores: Well, my book was my biggest dream come true. Back in, I think it was 2011, I wrote out a list of all of the things that I wanted to accomplish in this lifetime. And it happened to be that there were eight things on the list. And I call the list my magic eight. Well, one of the things on the list was to write a best selling book. And the thing is that for like 10 years, I had wanted to write this book, but I had a big problem because I would walk around and I would say to anybody, I want to write a book, but I’m not a writer. And the thing is that words are like a mirror to your subconscious. And when you hear me say the words, I want to write a book, it’s like you can see that written on my soul like a purpose, that I’ve come into this lifetime to write this, but I have a big problem when the next words out of my mouth are, but I’m not a writer. Because what that’s doing, it’s also revealing something for my subconscious mind that somewhere, somehow I’ve picked up a belief system that I’m actually not capable of writing a book. And this story is more than just about writing. Because how often do we say, I want to start a business, but I don’t have X, Y and Z. Or I want to lose weight, but I don’t have time, or I don’t go to the gym or whatever. We always say the thing that we want, and we cancel it out with what I call, but excuse. 

And so what I needed to do in order to make a change in my life was to invest in myself. And I think that as an entrepreneur, this is one of the things that has made me constantly able to evolve is my ability to invest in myself. I see it as one of the number one things. Like if I were to have the top five things of being an entrepreneur, investing in myself is definitely one of them. Another one would be the ability to live within my means, and know the difference between a need and a want. 

But back to this thing about investing in myself. So I started going to writers workshops, and before too long, I had written a short story about my daughter who passed away in 1993, about my son who’s on the autism spectrum, and just like what it’s like to be a single mother raising a child where it’s just utter loneliness, and there’s no rulebook for how to do this. And then it was also my roller coaster journey as an entrepreneur, which has not always been graceful. And for the most part, it’s been super uncomfortable. And at the end of that class when I read it to everyone, no one laughed at me, or criticized me, or told me that I wasn’t a writer. As a matter of fact, people were moved, and they walked up to me with tears in their eyes wanting to know more. So kind of like in order to change those words, I needed to invest in myself, and like step out of my comfort zone. I needed to take one step in a new direction. And what it did was it provided me with evidence that could then change my thoughts, which would then change my choices, which then changes my words. Because now, I believe that something else is possible. So when it came time and I got an opportunity, I was able to get a proposal done and get published with Hay House, which was actually my dream publisher. That was the publisher that I wanted, because I was absolutely obsessed with Louise Hay. As a matter of fact, a lot of times, I call myself Louise Hay, his protege.

Kim Sutton: Oh, I love that. And that’s absolutely huge. How often do you find yourself saying BUT anymore?

Mary Shores: I mean, it still happens, because it’s all about awareness. And it’s about training yourself. So I’m just training myself. And where I see the most is when I know that I really, really want something. I set out a plan and a strategy of how I’m going to obtain whatever it is this thing that I want. And I really am very deliberate about the things that I say about that. So whether it’s like a certain podcast that I want to go on. Or recently, I got to teach a workshop at Hay House publishing. It’s not like I was in that stagnant affirmations of saying, oh, they’re never going to let me. It’s just more like I say, how can I connect with somebody so that I can teach this workshop? And when you do that, what you find, I mean, I always like to say, I don’t know what your listeners believe in God, or the universe, or whatever. But if you take one or two steps in the direction that you want to go, some other kind of synchronistic force comes down and meets you halfway.

Kim Sutton: Oh, I absolutely agree. This podcast wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t just taken those steps. And it didn’t go any earlier than it did because I resisted taking those steps longer than I should have. But should it have, everything happens for a reason. However, listeners, if you’re resisting, the worst response that you can get is NO, but it’s not a bad response.

Mary Shores: It’s really never a bad response. Because depending on what type of work you do, you have to expect some NO’s. I mean, I’m just prepared for them. And I use them as a way to always get better because it’s like, well, if someone tells you no, what would it take to make that a yes?

Kim Sutton: Oh, absolutely. I don’t usually like to date episodes. Listeners, I know you’ve heard me say that before. But just last night, I was reading an article in Entrepreneur Magazine. I just popped in the mail yesterday. It was about Sarah Michelle Gellar with her new company Foodstirs. And I never really thought about the fact that it doesn’t matter how much of a celebrity you are, you’re still going to face no’s. She got no’s from potential investors because they were afraid that she was just a celebrity and wasn’t serious about her business. But she kept on persevering and it’s now taking off.

Mary Shores: Yeah. I always say that some of my superpowers are definitely that courage, persistence and resilience has really been my north star that’s just led me constantly down a path of discovering, and evolving, and being curious of everything I can lead myself to, so kudos to all of that.

Kim Sutton: Mary, as a mom of five myself, and business owner, and podcaster, not speaker and author yet, I often get asked, how do you get it all done? What are your secrets? But I want to ask the same of you as a speaker, author, business owner, Mom, what are some of the strategies or tools that you use to keep on track, but also to stay positive?

Mary Shores: Well, I would say that I have a sickening work ethic. I mean, the amount when you’re having fun, I’m working. When you’re off on the weekend doing things like going to parties and having brunch, I’m working. I work almost seven days a week. I think in the first three months of 2018, I’ve taken two days off. But the thing is that I love my work so much. And I’m so passionate about it that honestly, it’s hard for me not to work. I’m just that way. I have this just sickening work ethic, and this need, and this drive to persevere. And I would say for the second part of the question, I kind of do this thing where I talk about the positivity movement is not always serving us in the way that we’re led to believe. Because the thing about positive psychology, and it’s not that I’m against it. I’m not trying to say that, but it’s gone so far, that it’s almost got to this point of bullying where if somebody has a problem or a challenge in their life, we blame them for that because we say that they weren’t thinking positive thoughts. And really, in my mind, that leaves us with a place of not being able to process life when shit hits the fan. 

And if you’re an entrepreneur, or you’re a mother, or you’re going through a divorce, believe me, shit is going to hit the fan in your life. And the best thing you can do for yourself is have a way to process that in healthy ways because you can’t positively think your way out of a problem. And so I’ve really become a powerhouse at developing strategies that are meant to take people when they’re in that deepest, darkest hole in life. And like throw down a rope ladder and like say, here’s how you climb out of this hole.

Kim Sutton: Oh, I definitely want to hear more about that. I have to tell you first though, that I love how you’re talking about shit hitting the fan. I actually told a client several years ago before the podcast was launched that I felt like if I could actually start a manure farm with all of it that was around here, that I couldn’t be a millionaire, because that’s just how it was going. I also agree because things go wrong doesn’t mean that we’re not staying positive. But despite what’s going wrong, we have to keep moving forward.

Mary Shores: Yeah, momentum is key. And even in my darkest times, I found ways to to keep things moving forward even if that was not me doing it. So it might be that I had to rely on another key person in my company and trust them. When your business is built on a foundation of documentation, what you can find is that you can keep things going even in your absence. And that’s another one of my keys to success, everything from the beginning of my company has been documented on work instructions. So if one person leaves their position, another person can come in and pick up where that person left off. But what I see so often in small businesses, especially, is they don’t document anything. So when Kathy leaves her office manager position and you try to hire somebody new, that person can’t figure it out because it feels like a mess to them. And it’s stressful.

Kim Sutton: I have experienced that, my clients have experienced it, and it’s a total mess. I have to say I’m loving having my systems in place now, like my SLPs are finally here. Listeners, if you want to know more about the full potential of having everything documented, Work The System by Sam Carpenter is a great book, which puts it all in perspective. Have you read that, Mary?

Mary Shores: No.

Kim Sutton: Sounds like you’ve already got it covered. You don’t need to, but fabulous book. And that’s really what kicked me in the butt to start documenting everything. Can we go back just a second? I do want you to start talking about the letter that helps people get out of the holes.

Mary Shores: Oh, I call that five steps to break through your breakdown. I study neuroscience. So everything that I teach is based on science. And the reason that I love science is because I feel like in some aspects, a lot of spiritual and personal development growth has gotten a little too mystical for some people to handle. And so I really love taking these mystical concepts and finding the science that backs them up. For example, the first step in the process of five steps to break through your breakdown is to write a list of all of your problems. So when you’re in that place and it’s dark, and it’s deep, you can’t see. You’re just so blinded by overwhelmed that you have no idea. It’s like you’re frozen, you can’t move. Research shows that Matthew Lieberman of UCLA did a study in regards to the human brain and how the human brain loves to make lists. And when you make a list, your brain will start producing serotonin and dopamine. So just by in fact naming your problems, it will make you feel better because your brain will produce dopamine and serotonin. It will actually also activate the problem solving areas of your brain which helps lead you. So I say that that first part of the process is like someone threw you a flashlight. And now, you can see. So you’re still in the hole, but you have a flashlight, and you can at least look at it. So that’s an example of what I’m talking about.

Kim Sutton: I have never heard of that study before. And wow, I was actually just on a podcast this morning, the [inaudible] Podcast, and I was talking about how I journal before I go to bed every night. Whatever I’m thinking about, I do make lists for the next day if it’s not already done, and it makes me feel so much better. And now I know why, so thank you.

Mary Shores: Yeah, that’s great.

Kim Sutton: Yeah. I had no idea that there was scientific reasoning for that. That’s the best way I could say it, but I had no idea. Mary, in our pre chat, we were talking a little bit and you mentioned that you had health experience that also led you along your journey and taught you some valuable lessons. Would you mind going into that for a moment?

Mary Shores: I would love to. So one of the things that I’ve noticed big time ever since I started writing the book, which was in 2015, and the book was published in 2017, is that my life has been in this huge transition period. And there’s literally nothing that could have prepared me for what was to come. But I started noticing some issues that were most likely related to adrenal burnout, fatigue. All of a sudden, I just didn’t feel like my normal energetic self. And working out became a struggle, and just my lifestyle started to take this big hit. And anyway, I ended up going to this chiropractor. And what I figured out is that living a life of high stress in this entrepreneurial lifestyle, a lot of times, you’re constantly living through this image that everything is great and exciting. And I think the entrepreneurs sometimes are the last people to seek help and find other people for support, because you don’t want to lose any clients by letting the cat out of the bag that you might be having a personal problem, or you might be experiencing some kind of business hit. 

And so after about 20 years of this, I really started to develop a pretty serious curvature in my spine. So it’s called kyphosis. And to give your listeners an image of this, it’s what happens when you see an older woman that has that hump on her back. So hump on the upper back, and that’s what I started to develop. And it was significant. If you saw a picture of me, you would notice it in the picture. It was becoming prominent, and it was extremely, extremely painful. So I went to this chiropractor who specializes in bio chiropractic biophysics, which is basically like a traction system. And I call it like unraveling my spine. I’m actually going to write a book about it because it’s such a profound transformation. Because if you think of all the years, because our bodies are like libraries, and our bodies store everything that ever happens to us since birth, and maybe even some studies from places are suggesting that it even stores from pre birth. So our bodies are storing everything and they’re taking on things. 

So if you’ve ever heard those sayings, the issues are in the tissues, it’s really, really true. And so what happened was as I started to correct this spinal issue, it’s kind of like what happens when you hit a pinata. When you hit a pinata at a birthday party, everything falls out. And I think that with our healthcare system, it’s like we treat things from a medical perspective, but not from an emotional perspective. And so we’re finding out more and more that health issues are really related to our subconscious and the things that have happened to us in life so we need to take time to heal those things too. 

So as I began to straighten out my spine, all of the emotions and all of the things that I had gone through in this 20 plus year, adult part of my life just started coming up to the surface, like I would say, it was bubbling up like little effervescent champagne bubbles up to the surface and cracking wide open. And I’m so glad that I was on this spiritual path by this time in my life because I knew instinctively that I needed to deal with those things. Because if you don’t, what happens is you’re just going to manifest another illness. So either I was going to manifest like another spinal issue or maybe fibromyalgia, or just something else. Because if you don’t heal what’s inside of you, I love, there’s this quote from the last book of Thomas from the Dead Sea Scrolls, it says, when you bring forth what is within you, what is within you will save you. When you do not bring forth what is in you, what is inside you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.

Kim Sutton: Wow. I’ve never heard that before, but I can totally see that.

Mary Shores: That’s a quote that’s like 2,000 years old, but it’s so true. It’s so true and so applicable.

Kim Sutton: Yes, definitely. I have noticed in the healthcare system myself after my own couple of experiences that they like to treat the symptoms, and I’m generalizing, being unfair because not everybody is like this, the symptoms but not the causes. And that sounds very much like what could have happened, but you’re unraveling really well, and you’re able to start treating all the causes from the past. Or addressing, I should say, because we can’t go back and treat causes. What big transformations have you seen out of that?

Mary Shores: Well, I think that my life is always transforming. I think that the transformation that I’ve seen out of that particular point in my life is just the understanding and the awareness of it. I mean, I always say awareness of your choices are the keys to freedom. So just having the awareness and a deeper understanding of how the brain, the body, the mind, and the mind and the body work together to support this thing we call life. I mean, that’s a pretty powerful transformation in and of itself. But I also believe that true transformation is something that happens in small pivots over a very long period of time.

Kim Sutton: Thank you so much for bringing that up. Because I think a lot of entrepreneurs get over anxious because they think they’re gonna blow up overnight, and then it doesn’t happen and it causes more anxiety. But I’ve seen it set a lot of times that somebody’s overnight success story has actually taken 10 years to get to.

Mary Shores: Oh, absolutely. Reid Tracy, the CEO of Hay House, he says that all the time.

Kim Sutton: Yeah, that is something that I have to remind myself of. I would love to see people think that I’ve been an overnight success story. But no, I’m already five years into my journey. And someday, it may or may not come. I love how you brought up in the conversation the list of things that you want to do. Would you consider that a bucket list then?

Mary Shores: Well, most people would define it that way. I just don’t use that terminology.

Kim Sutton: Yeah. And then also the list of problems. Thank you. Again, I never really thought about the scientific connection. They’re amazing. Mary, you’ve given so much insight already in this conversation. Where can listeners go to learn more about you, get a hold of your book and get in touch with you?

Mary Shores: Yeah, first thing is, if you’re interested in looking at my book, you can find it on Amazon or probably wherever your favorite book retailer is. The name is Conscious Communications: Your Step-by-Step Guide to Harnessing the Power of Your Words to Change Your Mind, Your Choices and Your Life. And in there, you’re going to hear a lot of the things we talked about on the show today, but also so much more because it’s transformative and will help you evolve just in and of itself. And I always say like, if you just read the description of the book on Amazon, you’ll just know instinctively whether the book is for you or not. A great way to connect with me personally is through my Facebook Group, Fearless Ambition. And anytime I have a free offering, because I’m always creating workbooks and free giveaways, you can find that in Fearless Ambition. As a matter of fact, I have a newsletter that has a free download in it every single week. And that’s also called Fearless Ambition. And finally, you can follow my Facebook Page, Mary Shores, and you can find tons of information on my website, maryshores.com, so that’s S-H-O-R-E-S.

Kim Sutton: Thank you so much for that. listeners, If you’re driving or working out, you can go to thekimsutton.com/pp320 to find all the links right there. Mary, thank you so much again, it’s been an absolute pleasure chatting with you today. Do you have a last piece of parting advice or a golden nugget that you can offer to listeners?

Mary Shores: My favorite quote out of Conscious Communications is that, everything you say, everything you do, every word that comes out of your mouth, every action you take, every choice you make in the thinnest sliced moment is either creating deeper connections to what you want, or it’s driving disconnections.