PP 208: Being Positive and Real with Sophia Wise One

(Transcription not yet cleaned up but thanks for checking it out!)

Welcome back to another episode of positive productivity. This is your host KIM SUTTON and I’m so thrilled that you are here to join us today. I’m also thrilled to introduce our guest, Sophia Wise One who is an embodiment expert, and the host of the podcast vagina talks. Now, I do want to give you a little heads up, I would almost say a disclaimer, but Sophia, I’m not sure if that’s the right word. Disclaimer, the right word, that the language might be a little bit more than usual today. So it might not be suitable for all but I promise it will be an enjoyable show, as always. Anyway, welcome Sophia. I’m so thrilled to have you here.

Sophia Wise One: Happy to be here.

I was telling my husband that when we were at the event, new media summit, which listeners you have heard me talk about a few times a few months ago. I can’t believe this was almost two months ago already.

Sophia Wise One: That’s crazy.

But how many times did we have breakfast? I think two or three times?

Sophia Wise One: Almost every morning. Yeah.

And it was it was not planned listeners. Like sometimes you just wind up in the same place. Place is somebody else at the same time, multiple times. We just enjoyed breakfast. I enjoyed breakfast with you. Like every every morning. It was nice to know somebody and our food was the food was delicious too. Totally. Yeah, actually, I’m hungry.

Totally off topic, but

positive productivity. There is no script and we never know where the conversation is going. Sophia, can you introduce yourself to listeners, please tell us a little bit about your journey and how you got to where you are today?

Sophia Wise One: Yeah, sure. Um, hello, everyone. Darling, dear friends across the planet. I am. I’m a human. I’m on Earth.

I was always a really sensitive person, like even as a little kid and I think a lot of kids come in with kind of insight beyond their human experience. And I specifically when I was a little tiny kid was telling stories about before I was born to my parents and talking about and to my ancestors. And I think the difference is a lot of kids do this, but people brush it off. And I grew up in a family that really just kind of listened and affirmed that my experience was valid. And I kind of grew up in an arts and and relatively hippie world and spent a lot of time doing I owned axes. This is really funny. I owned and ran a live action role playing game camp. So like, like Lord of the Rings, but with foam swords, and like magic things. And so I spent all my summers kind of pretending to be like, fairy queens and evil demonic creatures and all of these things. I promise. All of this is related to what I’m doing now.

No, I’m just thinking how awesome that sounds.

Totally awesome. We should all come. We find your experience. It’s the best. It’s still happening. teens and Adults, it’s amazing as usually separate programming. It’s amazing. I still teach it in the summer sometimes and it’s one of the best things in my whole life. And so, so much fun. There’s like no audience you just like run around in the woods and there’s like no script, but there’s like a plot and it’s very it’s very, very cool. And so I spent my summers doing that and studying theater and all this stuff and and and so I had this like, learning up the summer camp also was a lot of my family at home, very communication oriented, like real connection, not surface like like there’s some like, real deep connection happening in a lot of places in my life. And when I got to college, I like moved away went to college, and and that I had a mental breakdown. Anybody else ever had a mental breakdown? I did. I had a mental break, right? Raise your hand raise it high.

Yeah, we sure did.

And it was like everything. Oh, a side note. The entirety of my childhood. My mother was all So chronically ill and most of it My sister was so there was a lot of caretaking and fair amount of dysfunction and a lot of love and care. So we all kind of figured out our best way to get through it everybody did their best but not things that you really want to perpetuate as an adult if you could do different situations, you know, so I went away to college and and I had a mental breakdown and everything kind of came up being taken out of my situation and like by the by, like being female bodied in this culture is totally also as like a heads up language show. It’s just you know, I think for a lot of people, and it was for me, a very complicated and challenging experience to just have a female body to have a female body and sexuality was complicated. So I went to college lost my mind and dropped out and I followed my hands to massage school I had already learned cranial sacral a type of kind of subtle bodywork and had done laying on of hands and sat with shamans and teachers and ever since I was a teenager, my mom was ill. And we, she found a lot of support in kind of the alternative healing world. So I grew up in that. And so I went to massage school and, and really began to cultivate a, by a, you know, a holding space for people to have healing to let their body restore themselves. And and, you know, it took about seven years for me to get my mind back. So when I dropped out of college, I was crying about five times a day, like weeping and couldn’t really sit still or read for more than 20 minutes at a time or else I would just start to like, lose my stuff. I did a lot of like hodgepodge in my work together did all this stuff. But I had all this foundation that I knew as soon as kind of I was falling apart that there was something like a wisdom in it, even though I was 18 I knew that there was still had that like knowledge that there was something underneath all of us. Oh those 19 and I went on this epic journey it took about seven years. And that’s where like the embodiment thing comes in. Because what I discovered in those seven years was that I’m this is like,

kind of obvious, I’m

a really sensitive person. And I was trying to manage my sensitivity by dampening it by making myself less sensitive. And that actually was one of the major factors that really made me crazy. And so what I discovered in that time was that actually by feeling my feelings being in my body, I felt much more sane and created much more space in my life took about seven years to get from barely functioning. I had odd jobs along the way, you know, yada yada. I wasn’t like completely. You know, I could I could function to a degree but it was really painful. I got diagnosed with premenstrual dysphoric disorder, which is like, PMS on like, really bad, so a week but you have the worst day of PMS, but for a week before you get your period and then it takes usually The course of the period to have it come back down. So about two weeks out of every month, I would just completely lose my stuff. And so I’d pull my life back together and lose again. Put my life back together once again.

Oh my gosh, I can’t even imagine that.

I mean, for that happen

for the, for the one or two days that I’m just not nice. Yeah, that’s enough. And I told my husband that I’m scared of going through menopause. Combine the not like just the the negativity and the hot flashes and everything. menopause is not going to be fun. And I’m going to be going through it probably when my little girls are both going through puberty, which is gonna be interesting. I think my husband might want to build his own house.

Sophia Wise One: Build a dome he can go hide in

Yeah, but I was laughing over here when you were talking like not at you. But I was thinking about how we treated pain and ailments and we’re growing up Advil or neosporin was one of the two was always the solution. And I don’t remember what I was watching, but there was a movie or show where they always talked about. Okay, spray some Windex on it. Do you have any idea what I’m talking about? Yeah. My big Greek fat wedding. Okay. Yeah. That just yeah, Windex. Air is the answer to everything.

Yeah. And I actually have a friend in my, that I actually see on a regular basis who also lives by Windex, his fixes ever. Oh my gosh, that is so funny. Yeah, but

in my house, it was Advil and neosporin. And I’ve started to find that it’s working its way into my house.

Uh huh.

I mean, I should probably look at what’s the neosporin or any of the similars. But it’s like, my littles just think it’s magic. It doesn’t really do it. I mean, yeah, I can’t say it doesn’t do anything. But the mental that it just gives them a Oh, I’m okay. It’s me. dates. And IDs are mad they are, especially with the characters on them. Yeah. I want to jump back though. You said it took you seven years. I didn’t get my shit together until I was 3031. I mean, I followed the path that was made for me,

however, and I

guess there were some, I guess that was the path that I was supposed to be on to reach where I am today. But, yeah, that path was hard. I wouldn’t. I don’t know if I would do it. I guess I would do it again, because it brought me here and I love where I am now. But right. Wow, if I could just fast forward through. Have you seen what dreams may come with Robin Williams? I have. Yeah. I love how they decided to go back. I’m sorry. I should have given a spoiler alert. Yeah, right. Like, well, we met in hell and we can meet in Jersey. Yeah, I would do it again. If I knew

that I could have

my Kids in my husband, but let’s just not go through hell to get here. Oh my god.

Yeah, I you know, it’s funny you say that because what I was thinking about was just the other day I was thinking about how

when I start to get hard on myself these days, so I am, I made a

deck of cards, and it has a companion book that goes along with it. It’s a card game. That’s emotional intelligence and spiritual practices and embodiment game. That’s what it is. And so I’m in the process of editing the book is in the editing process right now. And I was having one of those weeks where it was like,

Oh my gosh, like, like, what do I know?

Why would anyone want to listen to me? You know, the like, fraud alert, you know, like, Oh, no, nobody should listen to me feeling imposter syndrome. imposter syndrome. Yeah, exactly. I was having having a week of that. And I had this moment where I just stopped and I was like, you know, it’s really easy Sophia to think that I haven’t done that much when I don’t really recall how hard it was, like how far I’ve come. And it’s such a gift that I don’t have to live with that the clarity of that memory that like it takes a little bit of effort for me to remember like how brutal every day was that I was like in so much pain and like emotional pain and physical pain and unpredictable relationship pain. I mean, it was every day was so like, I fought for my life for years. And it’s so it’s really so glorious now that I don’t feel like it’s like that feels so at such a distance that I I have the privilege or the opportunity to like, downplay it, you know? Because there were so many years where like, there was no downplaying it. I mean, I could barely talk about it because nobody really not nobody there were people are always have been people who understood but um,

yeah,

I think we all go through imposter syndrome and you just gave me a revelation. I can’t Have a better word. So I’m just getting sad. But it’s not about what we’ve done. It’s about what we’ve experienced. And we’ve all experienced something different. And the next person and those experiences make us who we are. And we’ve learned from them. And I feel, I don’t know how you feel that it’s my responsibility to take those experiences and teach absolutely what I’ve learned. Yeah. I can’t teach you how to make million dollars off a launch because I haven’t done it. Right. But I’ve experienced how to go through struggles and keep on going. Totally. Yeah, I just,

I just like, feel it in my heart, you know, and it’s like that. When I had this route, like I’ve had so many teachers and so many prayers answered, you know, like, so many insights and so many people and so many gifts along the way. And, and when when I started to feel this, like, just difference like my life, I was like, you know, I used to think when people said like, they were happy that they were like kind of lying. You know what I mean? Like, like, okay, like, Alright, so you like you’re happy but like you’re not really happy. Like, I didn’t really believe that anyone was like actually kind of happy and or like peaceful when people knew about inner peace. I was like, What is this inner peace bullshit like, actually inside everybody just feels like poop. You know, like, like I like really thought that and, and I remember this turning point where I was like, Oh, I get it like, even when I feel terrible. I also have a sense of peace. It’s an additive experience, not a replacing experience. Like I still have all the experiences of being a human. I just also am there’s a there’s a presence inside me there’s a knowing there’s a there’s an ability to breathe that that has an additional experience of peace. So even on my hardest days, there’s like, there’s a quiet or a or a breath or an ability and like that. That’s real. Like that’s what’s real. And once I realized that, I felt like I knew that that wasn’t just a mystery that like magically happened. But like I worked for it, and then I saw other people work for it. I was like, I had to do my part to share how I got there. You know, like it’s you can get there too, like I, I didn’t I wasn’t there and I and it wasn’t handed to me just handed to me like I I worked diligently and persistently, day after day to change the way that my brain worked and how I processed experiences in my body and the communication tactics that I used in my relationships.

I used to feel that way about peace, about about relationships. I didn’t see how there could be any such thing as to love and soulmates and sleep. We’re in a movie role right now. I’m magic. I think that’s such BS. There’s no such thing like, it just doesn’t exist. And then I found that and then about peace afternoon media summit. Within that week, when I got home, my websites were hacked and all The files are deleted. And first thought was anger. But then, okay, and I’ll admit I gave myself a day to be angry and upset about it. But then I realized this healthy is an opportunity to create something better. So only one and a half of my sites out of the seven or so our backup Now, you notice I say half it will get done maybe in the next two months. That’s what I’m not pressuring it. And I’m at peace knowing that work is still coming in. And I’m still getting out there. And this is how it was supposed to be because there’s a reason for

it. That’s good question. Huh?

What do you think changed your like your perspective like,

tell me about this relationship faith. Like what is it because it is it the st. Like, I imagine it’s not exactly like what you thought Sleepless in Seattle or the story of love, we’re talking about, like, do you have that? Or do you have a different understanding about what those stories are talking about?

Sophia Wise One: So when I was feeling that way, when I was feeling it was just a lot of BS, I was in a marriage where there was no respect going in either direction. And it was not okay to have feelings because my feelings are wrong. I mean, that’s what I was told. And I was basically being told how to live every moment of my day. I mean, I was pregnant with my first and we were driving back from a trip once and I had a craving for ice cream. And we were going by a restaurant on the highway on the thruway in New York, which, if you’ve driven the thruway in New York, which I’d imagine you have, considering where you live, you know that if you see a rest, stop and you’re hungry, you better get off, or you better stop right there really fast because it’s going to be a while or you’re going to have to pay to get off and then get back on to

It’s very craftily engineered.

Exactly. spaced them out. There was intention behind all of this.

Yeah. So I was told no, you can’t have ice cream because you’re just gonna get fatter. And you’ve gained enough weight during this pregnancy already.

I was I look back and laugh about it now.

But he seriously deserved a slap. Like, yeah, seriously. So at the point when everything changed for me, I was getting ready to leave. I had started a gotten more. It was mentally abusive for me and physically for my boys. But I do want to let listeners know that my ex husband has changed a lot. So it’s not physically abusive for my voice anymore. As far as I know, I don’t have any cameras in this house. So I can’t be 100% sure, but from what I can see It’s good. But I was getting ready to leave and I watched the bucket list. And I had already decided I’d rather be single for the rest of my life than ever be in that type of sorry situation ever again. And in the meantime, I’d also been introduced to the law of attraction, I was raised Catholic, I had no exposure to hippies or alternative medicine or woowoo or anything like that growing up in western New York, it just either wasn’t around or I was not exposed to it. And there’s a lot that I was not exposed to. But I started to realize okay, I have the power to change my life. I have the power to make I have the power to be happy and I have the power to make myself happy. So anyway, I watched the bucket list and decided I’m going to make a soulmate spec sheet now and unless any dude that I meet, oh my gosh, I start talking like my husband we’ve been together seven years now. Unless any dude that I mean can Meet the items on the list and it’s 57 items long 52. I don’t know I haven’t actually right here because I found it last week, then I am just not going to get into a relationship there. So coincidentally Two weeks later, and you do the math listeners, actually, I was still with my ex, but I had my apartment. I was looking for furniture on Craigslist, and I saw the little link that said in bed men looking for women, and went in there to laugh at the assholes that were looking for women and ended up finding my husband.

Sophia Wise One: My favorite part about that story is that you went there for humor.

Oh, I totally did. I just wanted to see how many guys were actually looking for a one night fling. I was not at all looking for a one day thing. I was actually in my office. I had a very sorry excuse for a small business at the time. I was making 25 cents a day and just making all the worst mistakes that you could possibly think

but How much What was that?

That’s worth so much now though you made all those think about if you could if you could pay How much would you pay to learn everything that you learned during that time?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, I did pay Yeah, like 10s of thousands of dollars. And actually, coincidentally, the reason why I had this office was because my ex had turned off my internet access. He had gone into our internet providers. back end, I didn’t have the I didn’t have the password to get in. And he had actually firewalled me, I think, I don’t know if that’s the right expression from being able to access my website, my eBay account, my email, like everything. So the only way that I could run my business was to actually get an office and he was pissed when I did. But everything for a reason I got my office and met my now husband and shortly I mean, I moved out and I did not have I was raised Catholic, but I did not have I was not religious for 30 years, I would have to say, I was atheist, or agnostic I guess would be the better way. I knew there was something out there, but I didn’t know what it was. And the weekend after I left, I was called to go to church. And while I absolutely loves law of attraction and mindset work and some sides of woowoo I fully embrace my Christianity now and then. Yeah, I’m a fan and married my husband and life goes on. More babies come in, here we are. And I and I really do believe in that magic now because I felt it. I can’t say any more than to say I felt it. When I get excited knowing that my husband’s coming home from work and I, you know, I really can I can feel the little electric things when he walks in the door. You know, even in my fingers, I just want to go up and give him a kiss and Those are some of the items on my list was, you know, I’m excited to see you and, and I know that could be something that’s just what’s it called right at the beginning of a relationship. Just lust and not love. But yeah, it’s lasted seven years. Yeah, that’s it. Yeah. I mean, we text each other when he’s at work, because he works out of the home. So we text each other all day. He’s better at it than I am, because I tend to get really focused on my work. But he’s like, Hello, I love you. And those things, listeners, those things mean a lot whether you’re male or female. Those little messages during the day, I can’t tell you how special they make me feel. And the other way around. I think I surprised him when I’m the first one to send a message. Because it’s like, oh, she’s not totally engrossed in whenever she’s doing. Right. But no, I remembered that I love you and I just wanted to let you know. Yeah.

Yeah, that habit or like that choice to say things out loud? Like, yeah, I think it’s it makes a big deal to say the nice things in our head that we assume think people know, we know to like, say it out loud. I know it means so much to me. When my wife says things like that, you know, when she says that, she says, I’m just like, I’m so glad you say it out loud. Because if it’s in your head, like, I don’t know, it’s also it’s like, I’ve worked really hard to stop pretending to read people’s minds. Like, yes, I can read people. And yes, I like incredibly good at it. But I’ve also made it a point to like, not do it unless people are asking me to do it and to not live my life by like reading people, but instead like, trusting and just kind of having real relationships and so that, that connection of just sharing that as it really is, so I can just speak to that to like, really, it changes the whole, it’s like it’s such a little thing and it has such a big impact.

Absolutely, listeners. If you’ve been listening for a while, you know, I’m normally talking about Books nonstop. Sophia, this is the first time I’ve ever mentioned two movies in an episode not you know, and then three have already been brought been brought up. And now I’m going on for just two weeks ago, I, my son and I had to flew in we were going through Netflix and Hulu and Amazon and just watching movies that he hadn’t watched before. because quite honestly, he didn’t really want to watch out any of the like gory stuff that he wanted to watch. But we watch it go. And there’s she says, I love you. And he says ditto back. And she’s trying to explain how she needs to hear it. Yeah. What do you do? I would have to say is fine. 95% of the time I don’t get dedos I get I love you to make sure that I love these are in there. Yeah.

Yeah. And like that those places are those moments of those little

appreciation appreciations for actions or

you know, Speaking of books, that like, the love languages, the five love languages, like figuring out a what your love languages is helpful, but also knowing, like, you know, for me, it’s like, it’s like I love to hear words and I love to be touched.

My husband and I took a three month break at the very beginning of our relationship. Because he was so I’m not laughing at him. I’m laughing at what I’m about to tell you. He had had a couple of really horrible marriages, he had had two horrible marriages before me, and a whole string of just bad relationships. So he finds me and I scare the crap out of them. Because, you know, I’m getting up and going to the kitchen Do you want to do well, I never asked him, but I don’t know if he was expecting me to poison it because I’m offering to give them something, you know, like, right? Well, he’s like, he didn’t know how to handle something good in his life. So actually, he Just long story there, maybe sometime I’ll get into it. But we took that three month break, and I knew that he was it for me. So, full disclosure, I wouldn’t leave him alone. I kept on texting him, I sent them letters and little care packages Just let me just let them know. I care. And we’ve talked about it many times since then. He’s like, you know, I knew I was in love with you. But I just wasn’t ready to accept good in my life yet because everything was going to shit. He was actually homeless the year before we met, he was living in his car in Fargo, North Dakota in the middle of winter. So that’s how far down it had gone. But at one point, he actually called me the eloquent stalker because I’m

I have never said this on the podcast before.

But I I love words as well, Sophia,

but I

it’s so embarrassing. I didn’t know what eloquent meant. If I had to look it up in the dictionary, it means something along the lines of one with words and uses a lot of them. I guess that makes me a purpose like brings the whole podcast. Right?

Sophia Wise One: Yeah. I would also use the word eloquent to describe you the first time I heard your podcast. That’s what I That’s what I thought.

Oh, thank you. Well, I’ve dropped the stalker part since then. That’s good.

Yeah, there’s a Yeah, there’s a. Yeah, I think.

I think the stalker line is whether somebody like wants you to be offering their connection. Yeah, no, it’s funny that you share that story because it’s actually kind of the inverse. When my wife and I first met, and we kind of first had this connection. I looked her up and I said, I’m not ready. And she looked at me said, You’re not ready to be happy. And I said, No,

I’m not ready to be happy.

I need a minute. And I did. It took about six weeks for me to just kind of be like, take care of some loose ends on my own set. often do the things that I

do, you know, I did some

I did a, like a releasing ceremony for some of the my, like previous partners and kind of sorted through some of my own heartache and needed I just, I just wasn’t ready. Like I wasn’t ready. It was such a funny moment. And it was so real. She was like, you’re not ready to be happy. And I looked at her. I said, No, I’m not like I’m not. And she was so angry at first and then and then kind of very similarly, she just continued to kind of show up and offer like, do you want to go for a walk and sent it? No, and did a thing and was like, yeah, these are, you know, she was like, do you want to, like be friends? Like, can we be in contact? And I was like, Yeah, that would be great. Like, I’d love to get to know you better. You know, and that’s when we kind of started that. That process. So it’s funny to hear you say that because I’m like, Oh, I have is that well, I finally backed off.

I was working at Chipotle a because I had just left my ex and I needed a job. So I was working at Chipotle. And this guy, one of the customers actually hit on me. So I started dating him. And it was really just to get my mind off my husband. I was like, I need I had my kids 50% of the time. But those other nights were just like, I’m here. I don’t have cable. I don’t think I don’t think I even had internet at that time. I bought a dog or I got my dog to keep me company. But I needed something to fill up the loneliness. And so I backed off. I was like, Okay, I just gotta let it go. I’d taken a birthday present out to him. And I didn’t send any. I don’t know if this would be entirely truthful, but I don’t remember sending any more anytime I would think about them. I would pray. Just God. Let me let him be, you know, let him have the peace. And a couple of weeks went by and he sent me a text. Thank you for your birthday present. I was like, God, what are you doing? I am trying so hard to let him go. But are you trying to tell me something? So, I’m just gonna wrap up the story. Like I’ve never shared any of this on the podcast. I am. Easter was approaching. And I knew his favorite candy and I got these plastic easter eggs and I drove out to where he was living. And because he had called me the eloquent stalker actually put a post it on one of my fingers and that said, Can I talk to you? Because I wasn’t gonna say a thing. Or can we talk? Yeah.

And he just started laughing.

And he’s like, Yes, I’ve missed like, he didn’t even let me talk. He’s are laughing. He told me he missed me and that he loved me. And that was that was where everything started. So it was like, it was a messed up fairy tale. That’s the best way of putting it a messed up fairy tale.

Sophia Wise One: What a happy ending! I just love it because it has so many elements of like, actual Really a successful relationship in general, like, like sharing affection, choosing to give someone space when they ask for it caring for yourself, like, even your like prayers, like when you wanted to reach out to him making the choice to instead of reaching out to him reaching out to God, like that is like, that is a fundamental thing that I’m often trying to share with people in terms of relationships is like, you know, one of the ways that you can let your partner be who they are, is when you have somewhere else to go to, when they need the space, you know, like, sometimes your, the best way of loving someone is to let them have space. Like, that’s literally the best way to do it. And so, but to not do it in a way and then to also take care of yourself to find a way to do that and to hand it over. And then the, like, playful aspects and the, I don’t know, there’s just so much in there. It’s like, it’s, it’s, it’s like practice, you know, it’s like, I don’t know, I appreciate the whole story. And it’s like, it’s quirkiness like I think it’s all good signs, I think It makes sense why you would still adore each other that like,

Yeah, that makes sense to me.

This space though, is really important, like you said, and the communication and we I’m in my office, which is just a room off the back of my house and it was our office. But my older boys also have their computer out here. And it was just too much for my husband. Sophia can if you’re in the middle of focusing on something Can Can you stay focused no matter what’s going on around you or do you get easily distracted?

No, I cannot. No, you cannot know.

I very rarely it has to be

very now basically, it’s like a Yeah, no, I’m not a I’m not a like zone. I’m not good at ignoring people or ignoring things.

Okay, just to give an idea of how well I can zone in my now four year old. I was so zoned in that she got into the fridge. took out the brand new carton of eggs I had bought and cracked every single one of them on the kitchen floor. And I did not know. So you want to know why my kids are in daycare during the day while I’m working. That’s exactly why it’s not. It’s not because I can’t work while they’re here.

Because they don’t have a mother while you’re working.

It’s for their own personal safety.

Sophia Wise One: I so respect that about you. I’m totally I’m like, I’m the complete opposite. I’m not. I’m like sitting here and I like so my, my wife now currently works at a preschool. She was an entrepreneur, she owned and ran the Ricky’s going clinic in Philadelphia for 1516 years. She sold her business a couple years ago. And, and she practice retirement, you know, what do I want to do next? So she’s always been really into education and dismantling the patriarchy and You know, social justice and mindfulness, they’re all very arts, they’re all very intersected in her. So we used to when she was practicing retirement and I wasn’t an entrepreneur, it was like every day was this wrestle because if she’s just in the house, I’m like, it’s 10 times harder for me to get anything done. And since she started working, like, and her job is just a, it’s like a half day, I’ve gotten so much more productive because she like leaves in the morning, and I get up and take care of the dog. And then it’s just the empty house. And so it’s like, all the things and I can, like, get so much done. And then when she come comes home, if I once I’m in a zone, I can, like, maintain it a little bit better, like I just have to finish this thing. But pretty quickly, my focus tends to deteriorate what someone else is in the space, unless those other people are working, in which case I work even better. I work really well in a room with like four other people working.

I’ve thought a lot. I’ve been reading a lot about co working spaces because the thought just intrigues me. Being an entrepreneur can get lonely. I mean, especially Only here. Let’s think about it. Yeah, here in Dayton, Ohio we have aileron, which claimed Mattel who was the previous owner of items like that in the pet food. Uh huh. After he sold items to Procter and Gamble for like, ridiculous amounts of money, he built a small business center called LR on and you can go there and you can if you’re a member, and you can work there. However, I’ve I’m an introvert, but I do love to network. So while I can focus through anything at home, I know that co working would definitely not work for me. And going to Starbucks, I mean, everybody talks about and I’ve even talked about getting out of where you are being in day out to spark some creativity going to Starbucks, or we have about 10 zillion locally owned coffee shops in my town. I love the change in scenery if I need the creativity, but if I am in focus mode It does not work, like, every time they and I don’t know what any of the machinery is called.

machinery.

Yes, exactly. Exactly. And I always sit right there. And it’s like, every time it goes off, I might be trying to write an email. And I’ll be two letters into a word. And I forget the word that I’m writing. Because that’s, it’s like, the static on the TV from the 1980s. That might be a little bit older than you, but I remember it, you know?

I do. I do. Yeah.

So how do you stay productive in the morning? Do you use any systems to help you maintain flow in your work?

Sophia Wise One: Yeah, well, yes, there are things that if I do work, and if I don’t work, if I don’t do I work less productively. So in that regard, yes. So one of the things that I do that does help is if I get out of bed earlier Than I necessarily totally want to which I recognize, if I actually were to tell the time, most people, if you’re an entrepreneur, you understand, but everyone else might getting up early is really just getting up late. So if I get up between 730 and eight, I get out of the house with my dog by eight, and take her for a good long walk, I’m in better shape, I like come home ready to start work at nine is usually like the first thing that makes it much more productive day for me. And then when I sit down, using the good old, like, make a list of things that need to do get done and picking the top three priority, it makes a huge difference. If I really identify the thing that I’m going to do. I do best when I do that at the beginning of the week for the week, and then I do it individually for each day. The other thing that I do is I schedule in to my calendar times to do certain things. So sometimes I’m more consistent as you can tell by my tone, but consistency is not necessarily you know, it’s like Let me just share for a little bit. So the work that I do I do interventional bodywork on on people, I do holistic, spiritual, mental emotional bodywork and my sessions range from they average about four and a half hours. So they range for about three to six hours. And in that time I’m like zoned in 100% focus, it doesn’t matter if it’s silent for two hours, or if there’s weeping and screaming, I’m like, solid and steady and spacious, and in a zone. So like, there is a space that I can like, get into a zone and I am like, that’s the kind of thing that I could be in a room with 50 people and if somebody started to drop into a space and I started to work on them, everybody else in that room would disappear. You know, like a kid could get hurt and I wouldn’t notice like that, like I can drop into like a laser zone like that.

Things that have to do with like,

like writing and editing and like checklists and that kind of daily consistency stuff is like very it’s an adventure for me and I I’ve been learning a lot about how to make that work better for me. So the things that work best are when I schedule it in. And I set alarms on a lot of the things that I do. So I’ll like schedule in that I’m going to edit for an hour, and then I’ll set an alarm for 15 minutes before I’ve scheduled that. And then I’ll do that and I’ll clock it so I do my most productive work when I prioritize what I’m doing, and then give myself time limits to do those things. Those are like the Those are my major kind of tactics to get things done.

Have you heard of forest App?

Sophia Wise One: No.

Forest app.

works off the Pareto principle. 25 minutes work chunks of time. Yeah, you can get it on your phone or you can get it on I use Chrome on on all my devices. And you push the button and attracts you staying focus, you can block

let’s just use like fake Book.

Yep, like, like a tree forest. But what happens is, is that as you are staying focused, a tree is growing. And you can populate a whole forest with all the trees that you’ve grown through your productivity. And it’s and the same goes for work. I mean, as you’re staying focus you’re building all your trees of productivity right to make something bigger.

And then there’s also

Oh, I’m having a brain fart. I don’t remember what it’s called, but it’s an it’s a website where you tell it how long you want to stay focused for and you select a style of music and they’re all different styles of music are specifically chosen for productivity, but you can get electronica or you can get acoustical like, or classical, whatever you are in, like, whatever works best for you. I mean, if yes, I’m in Ohio, I went through a little country stage. here but country is not going to keep me productive right now. It’s just going to get underneath my skin. Sorry listeners who love country. That’s just what it’s going to do for me right now. But I’ll put it in the show notes which I haven’t shared before listeners, you can find it. KIM SUTTON comm forward slash p p 208. And I am going to put a shameless plug in here. Have you picked up the positive productivity planner yet Sophia?

No, I you know, I went to your website that whole week that it was down and that whole process was like when I was like on my KIM SUTTON positive productivity thing and I was like, looking I kept going back and then I was like, you know, you’re rebuilding it and then I emailed you, and then kind of due to my personality, it’s like it takes me and then I kind of have to loop back around so No, but I will totally check that out. Because

it’s, it’s back up, it is back up and I’ll get you a copy. But listeners if you go to my site on to the podcast page that KIM SUTTON comm forward slash podcast in the upper right corner, you’ll be able to Request your free seven day version of the planner. And I love how you were mentioning earlier that you take your Let me try that again you pick your top three because so many of us get into the habit of having our whole entire list in front of us and it’s so overwhelming but if we just pick our top three for the day in the planner has a space for the top three personal and the top three professional because and I don’t mean things like remembering to drink your water because there’s actually a spot in the planner for Remember to drink your water and get enough sleep and that type of stuff. But, you know, do you need to call the doctor to make an appointment. I do

need to call the dentist. Actually Me too.

But yeah, so keep it separate.

But just

yeah, just focus out the the top three of the day and and don’t put a project onto your task list. Put an action item From within the project is built rebuilding KIM SUTTON calm, it’s still ongoing. There are so about 80 podcast episodes that aren’t back up yet. But if I just, if I say rebuild KIM SUTTON, calm, it’s not going to get checked off at the end of day today. But if I just put put the pictures up on the coaching page, I know I can do that. And it’s gonna feel a lot better when I actually have that one item checked off.

It’s addictive. It really is. And that really was like, really game changing for me, when I

it’s like one of those things, you don’t have to hear the same thing over and over. I know that and over and over and over and over and over again, sometimes over and over and over and over and over. So this notion of like picking your top picking your top is one of those things that has come into my life for the past 10 I guess over the past 10 years, over and over and over again. And every time it would come in I would do it for a little bit and it would really work and then I would Stop doing it. And, and I just recently have like, I think it’s like some fundamental shift in me that has allowed me to like, I honestly do it every day, but pretty consistently when I think about what I need to do, it’s automatic now that the way that I think about what I need to do goes into a way of like prioritizing and making it a smaller, like actionable item thing. You know, it’s like, I always just use the example like you just talked about with your site. It’s like don’t put get a job on your to do list put, write your resume, you know, post on a thing research apply to five jobs you pick, like actually make different, you know, actual actionable items. And it took me a long time being like a big I’m like a big concept person. I’m a big, big concept person. I love feelings. I love relationship. I love concepts. I love stories. And so learning how to break things down into really actionable steps, was a process of actually really watching myself and watching how things got done. And then learning retro actively learning how to name them. Like, oh, wow, I did this today. I did that today because I used to also tell myself at the end of the day that I didn’t get anything done, even though I did. It’s like you could say at the end of the day, like you didn’t put up your website back up, like, that’s what I used to do to myself, I would do all these little things. I pick pictures, and I post a thing and I do all these little things. And at the end of the day, the project is not finished. I’ve done nothing, you know, and so unhinging those like stories, those you know, that bully inside who loves to find the thing to take you down about to like quit that habit and to shift the focus and, and play a different game. And the way that I observe and like keep track of myself was I think one of the major ways that I was then able to translate and plan differently was when I thought about what I did differently. I

took a shower and put on makeup and remember deodorant today. I got a lot done. I mean,

that’s an entrepreneurial win right there. Especially if you are if you’re aiming house

you don’t like physically? I don’t even have a video call today.

But I right.

Yeah, I actually did it first Facebook Live yesterday. So I was like, I’m going to set myself up to do it again today. Because that’s well and this is me not being totally transparent because I know I could get on there to my, to my group to my page without makeup on, but it makes it feel better. So I mean, that’s transparent but me hiding what I look like yeah, nobody needs to see like they’re not the five kids bags under my eyes. Just know.

I mean, sure. Or maybe they do need to see it but it’s not

really I think it’s you know, there’s still there’s a space of just like, what makes you feel good and that being valid, you know, like I I often we’ll get dressed to do work just because I know that I’m a little bit more focus. It’s like the old The kind of old advice of get dressed up, you know, put your suit on to do a job phone interview. You know, it’s like that way of like, when I show up and I get myself all ready, like I feel different. You know, I think that that’s, that’s honestly that’s a part of that’s honestly a part of hiding I think we’re dynamic beings and and choose you know, we are very conscious about what to put forward. You know, I wouldn’t be surprised if someday it will feel really right for you to share your exhausted self because that will be the part that’s valuable to share. But if that’s not the part that’s valuable share the part that’s valuable share is your kind of like on brilliance, you know, doing a thing then like

that’s what you’re doing. That’s that’s when writing. I mean, we could get on we could we could start recording podcasts using our phones. I mean, episode one. Now episode zero but Episode One of this podcast I recorded for my car on my iPhone, but it’s part of showing up like you just said, I love it. I know it’s still early for both of us, I mean, early in terms of entrepreneur, but what’s your one win for the morning already? Besides, you know, being on the positive productivity podcast?

Sophia Wise One: Um, well, that’s obviously my top one, clearly, really very much. So I’ve been excited to do this for a while. Um, you know, it’s funny, my Actually, my win is that I still got out of the house and walked my dog for 2025 minutes, even though I had a much shorter window this morning. Because when I walk her, she also leaves me alone in the morning for me to work. And if I don’t, if I if I just take her out for a short little thing and bring her back then she starts asking for my attention in about an hour. And so it’s really I set myself up to be more productive the whole day. If I take her out and get her a good run. And that was like, that was a big choice for me this morning because I was very tempted to just kind of let it slide. I think that was my that was that was my today that’s like, and the other thing that feels really good is I have one major goal for the rest of the day that feels like my like getting things done. And there’s lots of things to do. But I’ve decided the one thing that I’m going to complete, I feel good about that.

That’s awesome. It’s going to be actually you’ve inspired me to pick one. I have no idea what it is yet, but I’m going to pick one. Sophia, this has been absolutely amazing. I’ve loved every second of it just as much as when we were having breakfast in San Diego. Where can listeners find you online and connect?

Sophia Wise One: You can find me at Sophia wise one calm. And I love Instagram,

and everything on all the social medias. I’m at Sophia wise one. So you can always hit me up in any of those avenues. And I will say that if anything about all this stuff piqued your interest or you have any questions or things like that, I love it when people reach out. I often use people’s questions to come to actually

stimulate blog responses. So if anything came up, you want to know more, let me know and I can I can send you either information I have or put something together. And check out my vagina talks podcast. odd thing to have you come over and hear more about all of that listeners will have the links on the show notes page just in case you’re driving or you know walking your dog and can’t write it down at KIM SUTTON comm forward slash pp. 208 Sophia do have last piece of advice today that you can offer to listeners are a golden nugget.

Sophia Wise One: I invite you to believe that a healthy happy relationship is real. A real possibility that you can have that a peace or a happiness inside your being is something that you can have

and that your body and any of its symptoms are not fighting against you. They are you and you’re doing your best to navigate through every situation.

So I invite you to Open up to what could make those things real in your life. And if you already have them.

I’m grateful that you have them. And I join you in gratitude for that in your life. And if you’re questioning, open up, listen, there are people everywhere who can help you get where you’re going. beautiful, wonderful day.