The Butterfly Effect.

This morning I chatted with my friends “Coach” and Clare who have blessed my life in many ways over the past 10 years.

They knew me before I truly knew God.
Coach saw me trying to get closer to Him, and he has been my spiritual big brother since we met. And Clare has become my sister and an inspiration as well.

Coach and Clare were friends with my husband, too. They knew him when he was well and they witnessed his decline. Despite the divorce, we continue to pray for him to get the help and healing he needs especially now that he is in jail.

I find myself in an interesting place, healing from hurt and also praying for the people who hurt me. I don’t pray to have them back in my life but for their healing, that they transform from people who hurt others into people who help others.

I see how two things can be true, even when some would think they can’t co-exist.
I care for people who hurt me and I am taking action to make sure other victims of abuse find the resources and support they need to thrive after.

What I went through was, in many ways, absolutely despicable. But by the grace of God, I am here today healthier than I have been in decades.

It took a year to understand the why of what I went through, but now I see. I am meant to help others through my experiences.

As I shared my vision with Coach and Clare, they brought up the butterfly effect. I may help one person, but who knows how many people they will go on to help as a result of what I did.

I won’t ever tolerate abuse again, and, with the help of Scripture, I will do everything I can to make sure others don’t tolerate it either. I pray that by helping those who are in the midst of or recovering from abuse from a Biblical perspective that I will save lives.

Jesus didn’t die on the cross so we would abuse and/or be abuse by others.
He wants us to love others as we love ourselves, and we’re not loving ourselves when we’re tolerating abuse and allowing others to think abusing us is acceptable.

By helping ONE person recover from abuse, I hope to create a butterfly effect. I pray that one person will show others how healing is possible through the grace of God. ...

“Working on the right thing is probably more important than working hard.” ~ Caterina Fake

I remember, six or seven years ago, driving on the highway with my oldest son and discussing college.

Me: “Do you have any idea what you want to major in?”
Him: “Accounting, I think.”
Me: “Why?”
Him: “Because I’ll make lots of money.”
Me: “But will you enjoy accounting? Does the thought of working in a cubicle staring at numbers all day excite you?”
Him: (…)

This same son is now in his fourth year at college studying engineering. I don’t know if it’s electrical engineering or computer engineering or a bit of both, but I do know it feels like more of the right thing for him. I believe he has chosen a field which will feel more like play than work for/to him because it is the RIGHT field.

I returned to school to continue work on my Master’s degree this week, and I transferred areas of study… again…

I feel like I’m finally working on the RIGHT thing.
I feel like I’m finally working in my zone of genius instead of my zone of excellence.
I’m excited… No, beyond excited… to follow God’s path and see how He uses what I went through to serve his people.

For the first time in … ever … I’m being called to do work which serves HIM rather than work which serves only my bank account.

Bank account work was hard.
It didn’t satisfy my soul and I constantly felt empty.
But this new direction is lighting me up and I’ve only just begun.
This will be work that doesn’t just impact me but will impact generations to come.
This will be work my kids will be able to look at and proudly carry forward.
This will be work that helps people heal and thrive.
This is the right work because it’s working from the heart instead of working for my wallet.
It’s more important to me to do the right thing at this point of my life than anything else. ...

Christmas was different this year. It wasn’t about the presents under the tree or even about having a tree that didn’t hurt my eyes. No, Christmas was different because my house finally feels like home and my kids and I are finally finding peace within its walls. ❤️‍🩹 ...

Mmmm…

I write this caption with a smile on my face, warmth in my heart, gratitude in my soul and worship music in my ears.

Why?

Because I’m entering 2025 in mental space I haven’t seen/felt in years IF I’ve ever felt it before.

I have found peace.
I have found happiness.
I have found me.

2025 feels like a restart, the year I enter and experience - from start to finish - from a healthy place, physically, mentally and spiritually.

If you’re curious, my better spirits are not inspired by man.
I am single, and will stay single through 2025.
This is a commitment I made with God.
This is a commitment I made with myself.

It’s time to focus on HIS purpose for my life.
It’s time to focus on HIS will instead of man’s will.

I will be resuming work on my masters degree in a couple weeks, working on my Master’s in Theological Studies with a focus on Biblical Counseling. I feel called to help those who are in or recovering from abusive relationships by writing, speaking and podcasting about my own experiences.

I am restarting my life CHOOSING to look at the pain I’ve experienced as a blessing I can use to help others.

The abuse I endured was not okay.
The insults and shaming I experienced were not okay.
The gaslighting I was subjected to was not okay.

But I CHOOSE to use them as fuel to help others.
I CHOOSE to be a light for those who feel like they’re in the dark.

I’m restarting my life and want to help others restart theirs.

I pray you find much happiness in 2025. ...