PP 176: Forgiveness and Progression with Altovise Pelzer

Quick Show Notes – Altovise Pelzer

Altovise Pelzer is a single mother of four, a molestation survivor, and has also helped her two daughters overcome molestation. Using her own experiences, she is helping others overcome their own demons and shine their own light on others.

During our chat we discuss forgiveness, how opening up about her own molestation sowed the seeds of Altovise’s career, and how proceeding despite life’s struggles presented signs that she was on the right track.

.@altovisespeaks and @thekimsutton discuss forgiveness, how opening up about her own molestation sowed the seeds of Altovise's career, and how proceeding despite life's struggles presented signs that she was on the right track. https://thekimsutton.com/pp176 #podcastClick To Tweet

Resources Mentioned

Altovise’s Books:

Start With Why by Simon Sinek
Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes

Episode Transcription – Altovise Pelzer

Kim Sutton: Welcome back to another episode of positive productivity. I’m so thrilled to have you here today. And I’m also thrilled to introduce you to our guests today. Altovise Pelzer. Altovise  is a speaker and author and has such an amazing story to share. So I am just going to jump right over to her.

Altovise, thank you for joining me again. Well, we’ll share that with the listeners in just a moment. Could you share a little bit of your story with the listeners, please?

Altovise Pelzer: Hey, guys, I am super excited to be in front of you today, of course, because for one I am a listener. So I am a Kim fan. Yes, (?) but also because I am appreciative of being able to share my story with you guys.

Altovise Pelzer: I am a single mother of four amazing teens. I am a victim of molestation, as well as the mother of two teen girls who are victims of molestation. And the difference between their story and mine is that they spoke up and the young man was arrested. And I did not say anything about being molested until the age of 35.

Altovise Pelzer: So imagine it was a journey of trying to help my girls heal through the process during a process that I hadn’t even healed from so definitely something to be talked about.

Kim Sutton: Definitely, and listeners, I’ve said it once… No, let’s just be real. I’ve said it 100 times already and I’ll say it thousands more. Positive Productivity is not about perfection. Yesterday Altovise and I had a wondering chat that was supposed to be aired for this episode. However, I forgot to push record apparently. So here we are doing it again. And I can’t wait to just have this. What do we call it encore? For us? It’s an encore.

Altovise Pelzer: For us. It’s an encore.

Kim Sutton: Yeah. Because I know it’s gonna be just such a magnificent conversation, how (??) your daughters were molested and you took some surprising actions. Can I put it that way? Yeah, I would love for you to share what that path looked like and what you did after finding out?

(Transcription still being cleaned up. Thanks for checking it out!)

Altovise Pelzer: Definitely so I have always been a little special unicorn and I definitely do things a lot different than others. But during the process, it was a grueling process, to say the least. But during the process, something that I did, I got ridiculed for and that was mean that one thing there molester to go to jail. He himself was 18 Major. And we had found out that he had been molested as well, when he was younger. And so it was interesting because in my mind from my perspective, as someone who had been molested as well, I wanted to break the cycle and say that this ends now this ends with my daughters, this ends with him, and I did not want him to go to jail. I want him to get help. And that was my main objective and my main thought process throughout the whole thing, whole court case. And yeah, I got ridiculed. I got pushed and prodded I got talked about, but the young man is, he just graduated from high school from high school, he just graduated from college, and to think about where his life would have been, if he would have had some gone to jail or going to a different facility are going to throw a different type of program, you know, and ended up Being in the system in that light and what that would have done for him in his future. Now, is that gonna be the, you know, the direction that everyone can go in? Definitely not. But I am confident in being able to make that adjustment and being able to make that decision, not just on behalf of him, but on behalf of my girls, because I think that really contributed to their level of forgiveness because they were able to see a level of forgiveness through me.

Well, they’ve also been able to see how it can stop with them. Exactly, exactly. I mean, they can forgive and they can leave an amazing life and don’t have to take the anger forward and don’t have to take the anger out and anybody else in the pain I didn’t realize. Were you given the ability to decide whether or not he went to jail.

I had I was given the opportunity to pursue it as far as jail.

Yes. I didn’t even know that That was an option I, I would have assumed until our conversation yesterday actually that there was no option that it would have just always been considered criminal. And that was the only route.

It depends on the level. And it depends on the person because even when you think of some of the other criminal acts that are out there, there’s levels to it. And you can determine how far you want to go, you can determine if this is something that you just want them to get help for what’s going on or not. Now, everything is not like that. If you commit homicide, it’s not that same. It’s not that same lenient fee. And I do believe that if this had been raped, as opposed to molestation that there would have been less of an option for me to make that decision. But I think with it being molestation, I had a little more say and because of the situation I definitely wanted to make sure that I was very vocal Throughout the whole process, so not everybody goes through that as well.

I understand that the show I’m hosting is the positive productivity podcast, and I’m sorry to be taking us down a little bit of a darker road. But I wasn’t aware until you just said that that there was a difference actually in between rape and molestation.

Yes. And so there was no penetration. So there was it wasn’t considered rape. I remember earlier on I had done, I had actually been on a jewelry for a rape case. And so when the situation happened immediately, like my mind started going back to the things that were talked about during that court case and what was considered what was considered this well can consider that and the questions that were asked of the judge and it in that moment, you know, I started thinking back on all of that stuff, but when I got to the actual court date, none of those things were in my mind. Remember, ain’t like Everything just kind of left my mind during the actual court date. But even when going when I was on a jury and we had to go through that whole process Okay, well what is considered rape what is considered harassment what is considered this and there’s different levels to all of it and it just kind of go. Nobody told us this beforehand. Nobody really talked about this. And we know that rape, molestation and abuse are very taboo topics, but nobody said anything like this.

Yeah, I think I’ve always just put them into a general category of sexual assault. And that really thought about the difference. Have you maintained contact with him through the years?

No, that is the one thing that we have not done is we have not made maintain contact. When everything happened. We actually ended up moving two states away we moved from Pennsylvania. Maryland, they still have contact with their father, they still have contact with that side of the family and things but I thought that it would be best for them to have a change of scenery in order for them to have the greatest opportunity to heal. And that’s not always the case because some people don’t. Some people don’t think that that’s a great way to heal. Some people feel as though you should be able to contact the person and talk to them. But when you go through molestation and abuse and rape, there’s some things emotionally mentally that you go through that seeing that person on a regular basis does not really help you heal all the time. It’s almost as if the person that has a scar has a wound on their their arm or their leg or something and they keep picking at the scab, it’s almost along that same lines it takes sometimes it takes a lot a lot longer to heal, because you’re still seeing their person It’s almost like it’s salt on an open wound every time you see that person. So sometimes it is not a good idea for them to have that contact. That has been a question that has been asked as they have gotten older is if they could have that conversation, just that sit down and conversation. But it’s definitely like I said, For me, it was I felt like they would have a better chance if they didn’t have that contact just for them to be able to go through the process of healing and growing and all of that. Right. And they’re still teenagers, I mean, perhaps into their adult life, they can make that decision if and when the time is right for them. But it’s definitely not be something that they have no say in. Exactly. And that was the the key element of it is that it’s not something that’s not up for discussion. It’s something that we can have a discussion about. But we’re going to talk about it is not just something that you’re just going to, you know, it’s just going to happen. Going out of the blue. Now, that’s something that we’ll discuss because there is going to be an emotional moment that will be attached to it. And it may not happen at the exact moment when they see him. But it may happen further down the line. And I have to be prepared for that as well as they have to be prepared for

that. Absolutely. I mean, that’s definitely not the same thing. But it’s almost like a an adult who is going and looking for their adopted parents. They have to be prepared and, and almost sometimes so do the the parents who raised them. I think I reversed that. But I think you understand what I’m trying to say yes,

yes, they still have to have that same level of okay. This is a process. We have to go through this process. It may be painful, but we know that this is the process we have to go through. So being a little more prepared it can we prepare for everything? Absolutely not. But can we be a little more prepared than just going into it blind? We definitely can.

Kim Sutton: Oh, definitely. So let’s fast forward a few years. Your daughters were molested. And then you opened up about having been molested yourself. What did that journey look like for you? And how did it change your life from before you opened up to after you opened up?

Altovise Pelzer: So that was definitely an interesting scenario. We moved and everything was found out in 2009. And I did not say anything about being molested until 2015. So that was, what, six years and what happened was myself and my oldest daughter were having a conversation about trust and it kind of got a little heated. It got a little heated, and I kind of just blurted it out.

Altovise Pelzer: And it was one of those moments where you wish you could kind of grab the words straight out the air and kind of swallow them back because the look on her face was just like, wait, what it was one of those definitely one of those teenage moments in your life. Wait, what? What What did you just say? But you know, with tears in her eyes, and we had, we were able to have conversation about it, she held my hand and she at for a moment, she didn’t really know what to say. And I didn’t know what to say. It was just kind of a moment of us just being in silence.

Altovise Pelzer: But I can say that in that moment, it was definitely a release for me. And it put me in a completely different mindset. Before that, I had been attempting to write my first book, and I had been attempting to try to get on my feet and figure out what I wanted to do. I had started my entrepreneurship and was kind of all over the place with that. And so, you know, it gave me a little more focus, because here it was, I had never had that conversation. Nobody knew even when everything had happened with my daughter, I never said anything.

Altovise Pelzer: And it was another conversation that I had with my daughter where I was in one of the online Facebook groups. And when I did like an impromptu conversation with my daughter, and I asked her, I said, What was your most proudest moment of me? And I said, you know, because at this point I had now had published the first book, and I had become a life coach and gotten a little more focused. And she said, it was when you told me that she had been molested as well. And I said, Well, in my mind, I’m like, Well, I didn’t know that that was going to be like, I didn’t know that was an option. No, that was there that that was really something that you would be proud of.

Altovise Pelzer: But we had a conversation and she said it let her know that she wasn’t alone in this journey. She wasn’t really the things that I was saying to her. I wasn’t saying them from someone who didn’t understand what she had been through, and immediately changed my whole perspective. Because if I can do it, me opening up and talking about my molestation, can open up a dialogue and can free my daughter to know that she’s not alone, then what can it do for other women?

Kim Sutton: That’s such huge question. So you had published one book at that time, and you’ve gone on and published five more.

Altovise Pelzer: Yes.

Kim Sutton: How has opening up changed your entrepreneurial journey in what you’re doing?

Altovise Pelzer: So when I started out, I was a part of the molestation and going through that whole process, I was a people pleaser. I was the person behind the screen, I was always the support person. I was always the person who was helping to put something together but never out in the forefront. And so I had always allow other things to kind of get me off track. So I never really allowed myself to be in front of the camera on a stage or on a microphone. That was never my journey. And with this, I’ve done speaking events. I’ve done interviews, I’ve done all different types of online events and going and speaking to the different online women’s communities and doing local meetups because I saw my whole my whole legacy change. And I really had to have a deep conversation with myself about what it is that I thought my legacy was, and what it could actually be. So with me publishing all the books, it’s because I feel as though every time I open my mouth, or every time someone reads one of my books, it’s a seed sown. And literally, I may never see the harvest from their seed, but somebody will. And so it completely changed what I was doing. I was no longer doing virtual assistant services. I went and I became the professional speaker. Now as an introvert, oh my goodness, that journey.

Kim Sutton: I am on that journey with you. So yeah, and this is total deviation from everything that we’ve already talked about. But what is your greatest fear about being a speaker?

Altovise Pelzer: So my you know, my great His fear is that I’ll be up there and like, I’ll just go blank and completely, like just stare at the crap. I’ll go completely blank and just stare at the crowd and kind of just stand there with the microphone in my hand. That hasn’t happened. I have had instances where I’ve had wardrobe malfunctions and things of that nature. I’ve had an instance where and this one was a funny one because it turned out so amazing.

Altovise Pelzer: The beginning of the year, I had a speaking opportunity, and I was told that I had 30 to 45 minutes. So I’m excited it right you prepare for this time, you’re like, Okay, I’ll leave some time for q&a. And then about two minutes before I was going to get up. I was told that I only had 10 minutes. And so this was when I learned that my professional speaking skills are phenomenal. Like I had to give myself a pat on the back.

Kim Sutton: 30 minutes to 10 minutes to…

Altovise Pelzer: 10 minutes, and I did it. And not only did I do it in 10, I did it in eight minutes. And I did a phenomenal speech in eight minutes. And literally the whole room was just in awe. And my assistant was with me at the time. She said, “Oh my goodness, that was amazing. How did you break it down?

Altovise Pelzer: And there wasn’t anything that I wrote out or anything like that. I’m very opposed to like kind of going back and forth between looking at a paper and looking at an audience.

I love to keep that eye contact which is odd because I’m an introvert. I love to keep that eye contact. But I kept I kind of pick up every I knew what my points were. I broke it down. And not only did I break it down, I delivered it flawlessly and it was amazing an eight minute speech. You can actually see it if you go to bi t.li forward slash eight minute video. And literally it was eight minutes and in that eight minutes. I did an amazing job. I I had to pat myself on the back. I was nervous. I was nervous about it, but it turned out really great.

Kim Sutton: My biggest fear is actually tripping.

Altovise Pelzer: Really?

Kim Sutton: Yep.

Altovise Pelzer: Oh my goodness. I always wear heels, but I try to wear wedges more. If I know there’s gonna be a stage. I’m like, yeah, I’m wearing wedges. I’m not gonna.

Kim Sutton: The event that you and I met at listeners service and I met about a month ago. And the event that we were at, I made it for the first three days in heels. Now let me tell you, I wear flip flops 99% of the time that I wear. But they are dollar flip flops from CVS, okay. The things have seen better days. And it was painful, but I left them at home. But on the final day, I was like, okay, Kim, pat on the back. You made it three days today your re sneakers. Because Yeah, I’ve passed on My daughter’s the ability to trip over air. Ah, yeah, we have two left feet each of us is and we’ve got the bruises to prove it.

I can definitely understand that. I’ve seen some interesting hospital visits, the semi.

Get only a parent can understand you just kind of go. Yeah, that’s just okay. Well, you know, never work.

So after you opened up, did forgiveness for either yourself or your molester or for even the molester of your daughters? Did that play any role in how you moved forward? Or was it already real?

So the forgiveness piece I think I’m forgave their molester a lot easier because I knew the background as opposed to mine And it’s kind of odd. And I don’t understand why. And I, I don’t I think part of it is because I didn’t really know the person 100%. The other part of it is, I didn’t really forgive myself. And I kind of held this, you know, holding on to this secret. It’s like you want to tell somebody that that’s the reason why you’re doing X, Y, and Z, or that’s the reason why you don’t, you know, you’re looking at something in a different way. And you can’t really tell anyone, so then you end up getting angry at yourself, because you can’t really be truthful with people. And I think that’s something that anybody who has not gone through that forgiveness of self, you can’t really be truthful with people because you’re walking around with this burden that you weren’t meant to carry.

Why do you think you had an opened up before you did?

So for me, it was a thing of I at the time. was living with someone else. I wasn’t living with my mother. My mother was a single mother. And she was in school getting her second bachelor’s degree. And so I, I kind of felt like I had to protect her. It was me and her for the longest time. And I just felt like I had to be the protector of her. And, you know, she was doing, you know, a whole lot to try that she was working and going to school and I just, even at a young age, and we see that and children and even at a young young age, children are very protective of their parents. It’s just, it’s it’s ingrained in us and I didn’t I don’t know why I took it to such an extreme because there’s some other people that aren’t as protective. But because it was that it was just me and her against the world kind of mentality. I just felt like I couldn’t tell her because I didn’t want her to be upset. I didn’t want her to think it was her fault or anything of that sort. So I endured it And I kind of I endured the pain so that she didn’t have to

have you and your mom discuss this.

Altovise Pelzer: Nope. She went to her grave, never knowing

Kim Sutton: How do you feel about that?

Altovise Pelzer:I had that question in my head when she first got sick. And I said, Do you want to tell her? Do you want to have this conversation? And in my heart, I couldn’t.

Kim Sutton: I do believe that she’s watching over and she’s got to be so proud of you. And I’m sure she appreciates that because it wasn’t a concern of hers in her final days here. But now she can see how you’re moving forward and making it turning it into a legacy that you can leave definitely about the lives of others yesterday, so Bravo to you.

Altovise Pelzer: Thank you.

Kim Sutton: So let’s talk about your speaking and your in your writing a little bit. What are you speaking about and what are you writing about?

Altovise Pelzer: So writing, it’s about my journey. It’s about his self help books. It’s about motivation. empowerment. Speaking, it’s anything from finding your voice as a someone who’s going through abuse and what that means. So it could be, you know, finding your target audience, it could be sharing your voice on social media, because a lot of times, we feel as though we have to, you have to fit the mold of everybody else. And that’s where the unicorn comes in, because I’m different. So I don’t really do things the way everybody else does it. I’m not into you know, following the trends. And that helps because with the women that I come in contact with, they see everybody in the limelight, they see every you know, this coach saying that they have this that they can do and this coach saying that they can teach you how to do this, and they have a webinar for this and a webinar for that. But then I come and I say, Okay, I know that what she’d been through was something painful. But let’s look at how we can utilize that pain. Let’s look at where we can go from here. And it’s almost like there’s always a message, a message in the mess. And so even with literally at the beginning of 2016, December 31 of 2015, I was evicted from my home. I lost my sister. We ended up moving into someone’s two bedroom apartment. So my girls were in the second bedroom, and everybody else was in the living room. And it was complete and utter chaos for me. But December 31, I believe it did on January 1, I had a decision to make. I had a flight that day. And I said, Do I take this flight? Or do I just go and curl up in a ball in the middle of the bed or in the middle of the floor? Do I take this flight or do I go and he you know, go home and just or do I stay home and not do anything and I said I’m going Take this flight. I get to the airport first flight, no problems gets my layover second flight. There’s nothing in my ticket. It says what groups to go in with. And so I said, Okay, why go to the booth? I let them know. And I said, Okay, no problem going with group two. So group two is called I go to go in with them. And I’m standing in line and my name is called by the stewardess at their booth. I get back out the line. And I go over to the booth for her to hand me a new ticket. And the new tickets at first class. What? Yes, I had never been on a first class flight ever never been in Frankfurt, but this is I hadn’t even before this. I was not even someone that was thinking on a regular basis because we were still living. I was living paycheck to paycheck and just trying to make things work. Like anything outside of that was extra. So extra did not happen for us. So when that just on January 1 2016, I was upgraded to first class and I said, Wow, okay, I don’t have an option. But to go back, this is where it’s all go steam ahead. Whatever happens happens, however, I have to make this happen, I have to make it happen. And because of me deciding to take that flight and getting that inspiration from being upgraded to first class, literally May of this year I was able to leave my job and start working for my MBA working for myself full time. And so it was just like that ripple effect. It definitely put me into that ripple effect that if I would not have if I would have been so devastated by that one pebble being dropped into my lake or my ponds, of me being evicted, and not going forward and taking it flight then I wouldn’t be here in this moment.

That is mind blowing. It’s such a sign. And so often we miss the signs or we’re just not looking to them looking for them are open to receiving them. So Bravo to you.

Altovise Pelzer: Thank you. I’ve definitely had an interesting journey.

Kim Sutton: So what is the journey and the next coming months look like for you?

Altovise Pelzer: So I am well on my way to. I’m on track to make my first six figures ever for 20 2018. That’s blowing. And it’s mind blowing for me because I had a conversation before I left my job. I was working full time. And before I left my job, I sat down with my children and I said, I showed them how much I made for the company I was working for in a year. And I told them how much I got paid in that same year and I said, maybe getting about 10% barely. I said, if I can make this for a job, it stays with the job. If something happens to me today or tomorrow, y’all Don’t get any bit of that you may get a card, possibly some flowers. If I make the same amount for us, then this is for us. This is for our future. This is for your children’s children. This is our legacy. And they looked at me and they had like a Medea moment, and we’re sitting there on the calculator. They were crunching numbers and going mom, that doesn’t make sense that that’s how much you get paid. And I said, Well, that’s just that’s the nature of the beast, when you work for someone else sometimes. And so they looked at me and said, go with it. Go for it. So to be able to say that now I’m on track to make my first six figures. That is, it’s scary, but it’s exciting as well.

What is the legacy that you want to leave?

The legacy that I want to leave is allowing women to know that they have something to offer the world. I know when I go live on social media on Facebook in person Go by tell people you know what you have to offer is a blood donation and there’s somebody somewhere waiting for a blood transfusion, will you let them live or die? We really do have to understand that we have something that somebody needs. And I want to be able to say that my legacy was giving as much as I could possibly give my books, through my speeches that they will outlive me outlive my children’s children, and continue to empower women. Well, 100 200 years from now,

can you share a little bit more about your books and where listeners can find them?

Definitely. So first, I want to say for anyone who’s listening, you definitely get a free copy of my second ebook, which is define your voice. If you go to bi t.li forward slash love my voice and putting coupon code Speak up, you’ll get the book for completely free and you’ll also get a separate webinar. That just is something to encourage you The title the title of it is I am strong. And so my books have been my journey. And so the first book, of course, took me eight years to write the first book because I put it off for the title and all types of things. I even struggled and said at one point that you know, I’m an avid reader, so I’m always buying books. I’ll buy books at Goodwill, I buy books at supermarket if it’s a book and I love it, I’ll get it wherever it is, Amazon and audible are my best friends for life. And I said, you know, why am I going to write a book is just it just will end up at a thrift store it’ll just end up in a goodwill and then I had to retract that thought and say the somebody had to buy it first. So with the first book, it’s okay to cry and like I said, even with the title it was I hoops to buy a book this title, it’s okay to cry. But it was an amazing opportunity. It’s okay to cry as the first book define your voices. The second one, which is the coupon code that you guys got. The third one is the ripple effects, which as you can see with the journey that I’ve been telling you about today that in my life has definitely been a series of ripples and pebbles and rocks and brick walls thrown into my little pond. But you know, I’m riding the waves as best as possible. And then I have book collaborations, one being for women who have gone through abuse called the butterfly experience. My books are all available on Amazon and via ebook on Barnes and Noble as well.

listeners, the links to all of our services, books and all the resources that she’s mentioned, will be on the show notes page, which you can find at that KIM sutton.com. forward slash p p 176. I love how you just said I just want to circle around for a moment. I love how you just said Somebody would have to buy the book first. That is such an amazing thought, yes, it might be in goodwill, but somebody bought it. And maybe they just are a minimalist, and they’re cleaning off their shelves, and they have like two books on there at any given time.

Altovise Pelzer: Exactly. Exactly. And you know what? I have come across so many authors that are scared to write the book for just the same reason, oh, nobody’s gonna buy it or what have my book. And I just had one of my clients said she, she walked into the dollar store. And you know that now they sell. They sell books at the dollar store for $1. And she said, What if my book ends up here?

That makes it so much more accessible to the people who could

exactly and she said, that’s where she said, At first it was, oh my goodness, what if my book ends up at the dollar store, but then immediately something clicked and she said, I could hear your voice coach, and she said, but it makes it available to whoever may need it for just $1 Sally, it just puts a different spin on things. A lot of people are like, you know, they put you invest a lot into writing a book, you invest some blood, sweat and tears when it comes to writing a book, because a lot of times you’re putting your heart into it. Even if it’s fiction or nonfiction, you’re still putting your heart into it. And so it’s your baby. So you always want to do what’s going to be best for your baby. But guess what, at some point, you have to let our hands go. You have to allow them to kind of stumble and get their first steps out. And we have to be able to know that there’s going to be times where they may fall, but we may pick them up but there may be times where they have to pick themselves up. It’s going to be that same journey when it comes to doing your book. The journey is not going to look any different.

What’s the most impactful book you have read this year?

Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness.

I am a book a Holic, so Let’s see for this year it was start with why. And I can say that last year it was a year of Yes.

No start with why I’m familiar with but Europe. Yes, I

heard that one year of yes is Shonda Rhimes, and she is the creator of oh my goodness, How to Get Away with Murder and the whole you know Shonda Rhimes night that her Thursday night and she talks about her year of yes and I felt like 2016 was really my year of yes of saying yes with taking that first flight on January 1, may 2016. My year of Yes. And so she talked about saying yes sir self when it came to her health, saying yes to you know, being on camera because she didn’t like being on camera, even though she is this creative woman who is amazing and doing all these amazing things. You have all these actors and actors actresses and people that work for you and work with you. And she did not want to get on camera to do interviews or anything, simply because she was nervous. So it just talked about a whole lot even to her daughters and saying yes to making sure that she spends time with them and she does a lot with them and she doesn’t allow herself to get too busy. That you know, she’s not spending time with them. It I loved it. It was an amazing book. I love it.

Sounds to me like your vs almost needs to come with a prequel called need to No, no,

we’re exactly

because that’s where I’m at right now. I’m going through the nose so that I can I am committing right now actually, to you and listeners that 2018 is going to be the year. Yes. Because this has been a great wonderful year of nose like laying down the law. Yeah. nights and weekends are mine. No,

I’m not doing that. And it’s funny because that I had to do a lot of that last year. as well. And I, I tell the story that it wasn’t an opportunity, it was an ultimatum it was it was either move up to this higher position, or you move down. And so I had been offered the opportunity before then they retracted it, then they offered it, then they retracted it, it was a craziness. But on the day that they decided to sit down and talk to me about it, it was months after I had applied for the position for a position that they said they needed to fill immediately. But it was months later. And I sat down. And my answer was no. And it took my supervisors like it took a breath away for a moment because she was just like, Well, you know, this is the opportunity that’s available. And then this would be the next step and that and I said, No, no, I value my time I value my family. And I’m not going to allow you to dictate what I can achieve. Even can achieve. And at this time I had just started doing the I had the books published the first two and I just started doing traveling and was going to speak in Florida. And so I was literally in November, I went to speak in Florida. And the week before I left, my last day before I was off for the next week, I was told, oh, well, we hired someone already, and then you come back, they’ll probably be interesting. So I was fine with it. I was a okay. But this was you know, after them telling me that I wouldn’t be able to have the position immediately. They would have to do another three months of training and do all of this and they hired somebody immediately. And I just went off.

You know, it’s amazing that you brought that up because I on Tuesdays my husband and I will have lunch together. We’ll have our Tuesday lunch dates saves us the expensive you know, getting a babysitter. And we’ll be sitting having lunch and I’ll see coworkers from my last full time position, come in and have their lunch. And I’ve seen a few who were given positions rather than me, I applied for and interviewed for at least 10 different permanent promotions within the company I was working for. But I was always told no, it’s ridiculous. So sometimes the reasons that they give you, in this case was it would be too hard to replace you. I was an administrative assistant, don’t tell me it would be too hard.

Yes, that is, that is a classic line, but it’s classic,

go down to manpower, you could be like 30 people right now who want my position. But we’ll be sitting there in lunch. And I am not saying that entrepreneurship is easy. Because everybody who is an entrepreneur is listening knows that saying it’s easy would be a lie. And I’m not saying that I work less than these people who are given the position, but I’m sitting there having lunch with my husband. And I know I can take as long to have lunch as I possibly want because I had the ability to block off two hours of lunch on my calendar. And I have the ability to decide if and when I need to take a trip. And I have the ability to not do overtime if I so choose. Nobody can tell me their Sports Overtime anymore. Well, I suppose they could try it my clients could try. The New Year of no mind no has allowed me to realize that those aren’t my ideal clients. And then if that happens, clearly we miss something during the interview process and it’s time to move on. My husband taught me to be the bonsai baby cut the weaker branches off and let the strong thrive. Oh, he’s my Mr. Miyagi.

Oh, but

yeah, because we are going through something exactly like that. I had a client who wanted me to work overnight, basically to build out a crazy idea. And I just said no, he’s like, beat the bonds I paid. So Europe Yes. Thank you.

It’s definitely been a Interesting, interesting scenario and I just, I kind of look back and go, you kind of get to a moment where you’re like, What took you so long?

No kidding. How many times a week Have you?

Seriously, how many times a week or a day? Maybe I should ask, Do you hear that?

Yes. Oh, my goodness, so many. And I’m just like, you know, what took so long to get to this moment. And this, this freedom, and I had to smile as you were talking, because we just recently had an active shooter situation where I live and so all of the schools were on lockdown. And I said, you know, you know, I shut everything down, and I was paying attention to what was going on to see what needed to be done. And they sent the children home late, which I was I didn’t have a problem with that. As long as they were safe. I was fine. But children in a certain area of our little town, they couldn’t be better. Hold because there’s still police presence in that area. And so parents had to come and sign their children out. And I said, you know, wow, if I needed to go up to the school to sign my children out, which is two separate schools, I don’t have a problem because I can shut everything down and then come back to it. But what about a parent that’s at their job and

couldn’t leave,

and they could potentially lose their job if

they left? Exactly.

I said, because I’ve been there. I’ve gotten written up because I said, I’m going to my child’s event. I’m not staying here. And so I’ve been that person. It’s not been written up, even though you had requested time off enough time and everything. Yes, I’ve been that person. So what what about that parent that may or may not have somebody to go pick up their child? What about their parent they didn’t even know because they can’t have their phone on them

or radio on their desk? Exactly. On 911. I was working in an office in Manhattan where we were not allowed radios. So the way that we found out was from people calling in or emailing in to make sure we were okay, which just blows my mind.

It definitely gives it a very different perspective. Very different, especially with everything that’s been going on. Now it definitely gives a different perspective.

Speaking of different perspectives, even though we had this, not this chat, a very different chat yesterday, this goes to show right here how everything happens for a reason, because this chat has been amazing. And everything was said because it was supposed to be said right now. But with that said, Where can this well first off, thank you so much for joining me again, and I’m sorry for my tech glitch. But where can listeners find you online and connect with you what’s the best way to get ahold of you

so they can connect with me by going to find your voicemail for Facebook, Instagram linked in? Definitely want to connect with me on Periscope, same thing, find your voicemail, if you want to reach out to me via email is contact exit out, the spells are calm. And if you would like to get on the phone with me it’s bi t.ly forward slash, talk to our service.

Again, listeners, all of these links will be in the show notes which you can find at third KIM sutton.com. forward slash p. p 176. How to be. Thank you so much again, do you have a parting word of advice or Golden Nugget that you can share with listeners?

Altovise Pelzer: Yes, so my parting words would be, don’t be silent. Allow your voice to be heard, because there’s somebody somewhere that needs the wisdom that you have. And I know a lot of times we think that our experiences don’t equate to wisdom all the time. But I can guarantee that there’s something that you know, that can help somebody else.