PP 222: Thrive in a Life with Herpes with Alexandra Harbushka

Website: https://lifewithherpes.com
Twitter: https://twitter.com/AHarbushka

Transcription not yet cleaned up but thanks for checking it out!

Welcome back to another episode of positive productivity. This is your host KIM SUTTON. Today I am thrilled to introduce our guests Alexandra Harbushka please help me I got it, right?

Alexandra Harbushka: You did it.

I am so lucky that no guests has come on so far with an R that had to be rolled. I just need to put that out there. Because I cannot roll my R’s for the life of me. I have practiced for hours and all the best ever comes out as is a tongue click. Yeah, so thank you for not having any roll bars. I mean, maybe if you say it like it might, but Alexandra, I don’t. I don’t even remember if I said where you were from. I apologize.

Alexandra Harbushka: Yeah, I’m Sandra. Diego.

Oh, no, I mean, like.. Herpes expert from Life with Herpes. I got sidetracked. Welcome to the Positive Productivity podcast where life is not perfect. And I forget what I’m trying to say midstream.

Alexandra Harbushka: Not a problem. It happens to all of us. Right. It’s part of the podcast.

Oh, [inaudible], would you mind taking your introduction a little bit further and sharing more about your story and your journey and well your life as an entrepreneur and as a podcaster? With the audience?

Alexandra Harbushka: Yeah, absolutely. Well, first of all, I’m really excited to be here, Kim. So thank you for having me on your podcast and yes, you got my last name? Correct. Harbushka: It was really tough in kindergarten to spell that. Let me tell you.

Oh, my gosh.

Alexandra Harbushka: With like, because you know, like, your handwriting is so big in kindergarten that it didn’t fit on one page.

Oh, I can imagine.

Alexandra Harbushka: Yeah, put like letters on the same page. Yeah,

right. Right.

Alexandra Harbushka: But anyways, yeah, so I, I am the herpes expert. And I have to be honest, it’s not anything I ever wanted to become an expert in. You know. So I have a community and it’s Life with Herpes is my podcasts and my business. And I say to my community almost every day, hey, this is not a community that we wanted to join. No one really signs up and goes, Hey, I want to be I want to have genital herpes. Like, yes, sign me up for this right now.

But at the end of the day, I look at it and go, Hey, we’re here we have it. And let’s make the most of it and it does not have to ruin your life. It does not have to get in the way of really anything in your life as long as you don’t let it sort of back up a little bit. Yeah, I’m an entrepreneur, you know, that in itself has ups and downs just like you know, life you know, and, and herpes and dating and sex and, and all of that fun stuff. So a trip to the grocery store has its ups and downs, but we managed to get through. So let’s make the most of it right.

Kim Sutton: Good.

Alexandra Harbushka: Yeah, I did that this morning. And you know what, it worked out. They discounted my lemons.

Kim Sutton: Awesome!

Alexandra Harbushka: I know. Right. But anyways, yeah, so that’s kind of what I do. And, you know, I can remember when I found out I had genital herpes. I was devastated. I thought this would never happen to me. I thought, Why Why me? Why not somebody else? Not that you ever want to put it on somebody else? Of course that’s not I don’t mean it in that way but But why me?

You know what, what happened and I truly believe that at the time, all of my hopes, dreams, goals, life, desires, love, everything just poof disappeared, I really felt like time stood still and just that immediate when you get the phone call. I mean, I thought everything had come to an end everything I’ve worked for, you know, gone to college, got the great job out of college, you know, dated who I thought I was supposed to date, all of that stuff. I thought it just ended and it’s what I noticed from this is this is not uncommon. And this is very typical. And this is not only typical, this is what happens when people find out that they are diagnosed with herpes.

Alexandra Harbushka: So I created this community to help people and be a guidance and let them know that life is not over and just to give you some time statistics can because if you’re somebody that does not have herpes, or even come in contact with herpes or anything like that, it’s really, really common. So, two out of three people, two out of three, have herpes simplex virus one, that’s HSV one, and that’s commonly known as the oral herpes. And then one out of six have HSV, herpes simplex virus two, which is the genital herpes. So when you combine all that together, 80% of the population has herpes.

Kim Sutton: Wow. I did not realize that.

Alexandra Harbushka: Yeah, I know. And it’s such a stigma. That’s the other thing is it’s such a stigma and nobody talks about it. And we’re all scared to talk about it. And we think that our life’s over and we think that no one’s going to date us or you get into an abusive relationship because of it, or you use it as a carrot to stay in a relationship. And I just don’t want that to happen to anybody, you know, I mean, period, but don’t use herpes as the scapegoat.

Kim Sutton: I agree. And thank you so much for being out there for not only for yourself, but for everybody else in your community who you’re supporting. How long has it been since you found out that you had it and what does your community look like today?

Alexandra Harbushka: Yeah, so I found out I had herpes, genital herpes, in 2011. It was the Friday before Fourth of July. And I remember just my fourth of July weekend really sucked. I’ll tell you that it was devastating. So it was 2011.

I was…. Let’s see, I was 28 years old. And now moving forward. It’s 2017, almost 2018. But I’m 35. And I think I had that math, right. Okay, I know I’m 35 but I think I was 20 I always forget what age I was in 2011. But it was 2011. So now I’m 35. And, you know, I was a podcaster. And a completely different topic was in marketing campaign mortgage marketing, which is like really boring. Well, yeah, really. numbers.

Alexandra Harbushka: But I suddenly, you know, came when you have that feeling in your stomach, and you’re like, I have to do this, but you don’t know how. And you’re, you know that you have to talk. You have to tell someone and you know, this is your calling. And you kind of get annoyed. You’re like, man, why, like Why me? Why do I have to tell people this? Why? Why was I the chosen one to go out there and create a podcast and break the stigma because when I first was diagnosed, my college roommate said to me, she’s like, Alexandra, you can do one of two things. You can do nothing and let it destroy your life or you can go out and change the world with it and that…

I got so mad at her. I was like, What? No, why? And that stuck with me all those years and it wasn’t until February this year. I finally came out with it. And as soon as I came out with it, I had no idea this was gonna branch off into a podcast. I had no idea this is going to branch off into a community. I just decided I needed to share it and I needed to tell the story and as soon as I took The story, I had so many people coming to me saying, either Thank you, I have it too. I felt so alone. Now I don’t. Or be Wow, I didn’t realize the epidemic and I didn’t realize the stigma and I just didn’t realize or see, thank you for sharing. I have a similar story, whatever it is, and it gave me the courage to tell my story.

Alexandra Harbushka: And so those are just the three little widgets or nuggets that came out of me sharing and I thought, okay, I’m not the only one. And clearly, and this just needs to happen this, this needs to happen. And so I created the podcast life with herpes. It was very bold. I have to be honest, I was scared and talk about you know, productivity and being positive. There’s days and I know you get this can be an entrepreneur. You’re like, Okay, I’m so amped. I’m so ready. I’m working on this. And then there’s other days, I’m like, ooh, do I really want to talk about herpes? Like, do I really want to be known as the herpes girl, or as we were talking about? The herpes goddess, right, right. Like, do I really want this? And then I get so animated and so excited and feel so alive. And then you get that scared, like, but there’s a stigma attached? And do I want to be known for the rest of my life at that

stigma? And then I’m like, No,

I have to do this. So talk about productivity. I mean, that was your it has its own animal within it within its own animal. Getting, I went through my own healing process for probably the like, you know, 52nd time even launching this podcast in this business. So I was kind of a long answer to whatever what you were asking here about where it’s come. So

I have to tell you, though, I’m, I’m in that category. See that you were okay. A B or because no, I don’t, I don’t have herpes. But, or genital herpes. At least I don’t know about the oral kind, like, but I would assume I would know but who knows? Maybe I wouldn’t maybe I need to be more educated right? But you have inspired me because I’m sort of mixed emotions. Say this I have to whenever we are talking, pre recorded chat about how my, my Mac is so full of podcasts. So I’ve been, I’ve been seen listening at two times speed all weekend, and somebody was talking about how to be a better communicator, you need to stop sharing your similar story. But hey, I guess it’s my podcast so I can do what I want. But I was sitting here thinking this weekend about a very personal struggle that I went through and how I want to help people who are going through the same thing. And on the flip side, I’ve been worried about actually going through with it because of the eyes and the ears and the judgment that will be out there. And well, I guess I have to share more about that now. My previous marriage was emotionally abusive to me and physically abusive to my boys. And I had mentioned some things in my Instagram feed and my was spins new wife would say things to my boys about how I’m lying about you know, things that happen. I have no reason to It may not be that way for her, but I know what it was like for me. And I want to help people who are in that situation. But there’s always a fear of judgment. So I commend you for pushing through. Thank you.

Yeah. Well, you haven’t any to Kim

in the book this weekend, but it was okay. You’re out there like, yeah, I mean, I and I, I hope that you haven’t been through anything like this. But there was a day that I posted something in or I responded to a Facebook post or in a group, I think, and I said something about being in a abusive marriage before and there’s a part of my mouth, but there was a smartass responded, oh, yeah. Thank you. This is the first time we’ve ever communicated. So there’s always gonna be haters. And I know that there’s just people who don’t think before they talk, or they comment or people who think they know everything and I I just commend you for what you’re doing because I know that there’s just a world of both bullies who are insecure in themselves and don’t know how to do anything with the insecurity and don’t know where to go and get personal development so they lash out. And I’m, and I’m sure that life with herpes is a target sometimes and it’s unfortunate.

Yeah, it is, you know, it’s very interesting I have not had anything happen to my face. And with that being said, I know that there is gossip behind my back, but I’ve never heard it. But I look at it as no matter what you do, and I’m just making these statistics out in general but whatever you say 50% of the people are gonna like it and 50% of the people are not right no matter what. So you might as well be you and not try to you know, not everybody’s gonna like you not everybody’s gonna agree with what you’re saying. Not everybody. They may not like your your height your you could be too tall, too short to too strong, not strong enough. Wrong age. You could be a girl and they want a boy Whatever it is, right so 50% of the time nobody. Nobody’s gonna be happy. That’s gonna be my half the half the half the partners happy and half the part that’s not happy with you. Yeah.

It’s I can understand with five kids.

Yeah, I’m a step mom, too. I have a little 12 year old little girl that I’m a stepmom to. And most of the time she likes to dinner. But um, yeah, I get it.

It’s like, Oh,

well, I have to tell you 90% of the time that I cook. My kids don’t want to eat it. So actually, my 15 year old has just started asking what we’re having for dinner and when he can start cooking. That’s great. That’s great. He can take it on. Yep, absolutely. No, but you’re totally right. And early on in in this line of my business because I guess it’s the first part. It’s the I was a serial entrepreneur. And I know you started really early to selling drawings at age four. Door to Door.

Oh my gosh,

yeah, I decided that I was going to draw these books. So like my drawings and then I sold them outside our house. When people walked by, I would sell them like my books, my drawing books, which were probably horrible. And then I also did a lot of lemonade stands. I was I totally crushed it on the lemonade stands. Oh my gosh, I

better make sure that my four year old does it. Or maybe I should actually encourage her to listen to this because she will totally be out there. So yeah, next card books have drawings next summer.

It’s

Yeah, and nobody wants them. Right. Like it’s not something you want to buy unless you’re the mom or the grandmother like grandparents, you know, like they’re so absolutely stoked to get their their kids drawings, but at least I think people are just so compassionate and they see the drive of a child. They’re like, you know what, it’s gonna make your day for this 25 cents and can I give you and here you go. And it does. It builds the confidence. But back to you are our stories, Kim and yeah, I think at the end of the day, everybody has a story. They’re I don’t want to use ashamed of but they’re scared of, and whether we created the story, whether like it was something we physically put ourself in, like it would be for and what I mean for that as an example, if if you were a drug addict, like the drugs didn’t make you take them, like you decided to become a drug addict, right by by initially taking them and your situation in my situation. I’m not saying that we’re victims, but I’m saying it was circumstantial. So whether again, you put yourself in that situation or not. These are all lessons and stories that I believe we are supposed to learn. And we’re supposed to go through and through that, it’s either gonna you know, help you become a better mom or not. I mean, not that you need to be a better mom, Kim. I don’t mean it in that way I do. It’s gonna help you learn

or hire someone who can

write but you know what I mean? It’s the lessons that will help you teach, teach people or learn for yourself. So with that being said, I know that We all have that story that we are so terrified that if anybody knew you think you would absolutely faint or fall or have a heart attack telling, and it’s that little story that makes you that makes you human. And it’s that little story that makes you different from the next person. And it’s that little story that allows you to connect with your community and allows you to connect with your audience whatever that story is. Now you don’t have to be like us and decide you’re going to do a podcast or write a book or talk about it, you know, but it’s that little story that really allows you to connect with other people because I feel that at this point in because of social media because of the media and all that we’re so tired of the Barbie and can lifestyle right keeping up with the Joneses

or the thing

you know the Leave it to Beaver Barbie and Ken whatever you want to call it and that’s just not life. You know for all we know the leave it to beavers Hajin herpes but they never talked about it or for all we know that it was abuses behind closed doors but that was never shown. So that’s just as of life this is nothing is new that you and I are talking about this has been happening for since man started walking this earth. And it’s just let’s let’s stop keeping it secret. And let’s, let’s I’m not saying you need to get, you know, blasted out the window driving down the road and be you know, to the point where it’s obnoxious but you know, tell your story and get really comfortable with your uncomfortable

to think that we’re going to start to see a lot more bigger and I hate to say it this way because it could sound bad, but I know what I’m trying to say. So maybe this is just foot in mouth, but bigger and better personal brands being built purely off of experience. Instead of preconceived notions on what what we think that we should be building.

Yeah, based off experience like for example, me having genital herpes opposed to me going and becoming a Doctor and then helping people as a doctor, or is that kind of what you’re saying?

Yeah, I mean, because I started my, in this round of entrepreneurship listeners if you can hear that, that is my chair squeaking that is not my parting just being totally transparent.

I can’t hear it. So

I think it’s fantastic.

It was so bad, like, every time I move a side story really fast, I have a six over six foot tall 15 year old and the chair that I bought him for his desk was too narrow and it just wasn’t comfortable for him. So he took my nice ergonomic quiet desk chair and I got the squeaky thing from an unnamed big box store. Okay, so it’s not ideal for podcasters maybe sounds a little brand new, something different anyway, I started my this round of entrepreneurship as a virtual assistant and for the first three and a half years, I was chasing income. And I was you know, watching all these trainings and doing what everybody else was doing and trying to do it myself and build income off of that. And then there was just this big click that happened because I was going through my own anxiety and depression and realize that something needed to change. And that’s really about the time that positive productivity came to be was because I realized that so many people are also going through the same thing where we’re growing, anxious, depressed, watching Barbie and Ken, and all these big launch stories, which may be false. And we’re putting ourselves into this anxious depressed hole where we’re not sleeping and we’re not taking care of ourselves. And really dark things can happen there. It’s not the same as herpes, but really dark things can happen. Yeah, it’s worse than herpes.

I think herpes is not that big of a deal. But yeah, the mind game you play with yourself is far worse. Absolutely.

I may have shared this on the podcast, but uh, yeah, actually, I did. I just can’t remember what episode but I was pretty close to actually killing myself. Just because Have that route like that low. And that’s when I realized it really needed to change. Right? And so, I love what you’re doing, you’re out there helping people and you’re using your own experiences to improve the community around you. Where do you see this going in the next couple of years who have a vision?

I do you know, I so

there’s no one talking about herpes and you look at the media and you look at Okay, we we have a breast cancer walk, you know, we have breast cancer awareness, we have prostate, we have the Movember mustache, you know, we have all of these things. We have cervical cancer, we have lung cancer, we have you know, there’s movements for all this. There’s aids, you know, we have magic johnson right? I mean, high five to him for beating aids, and herpes is looked at as you are scum lower than the scum in a porta potti right. If you have herpes. That’s who you are. And that’s how it’s perceived. In movies, it’s perceived in jokes in in just my group, we were just chatting, I think they were watching the office and one of the jokes on the office was about herpes. And, you know, it’s it’s just the scum and it’s just, I don’t want to even use the word. It’s not fair because I hate using that it’s not fair. But it’s not fair. And there’s so many people living with it. And so ideally, I would love to be the spokesperson for genital herpes. I would love to get the awareness out there. I would love to create, you know, a big walk, I would love to create or run or whatever, you know, whatever it is, I would love to just absolutely get the message out there a on how do you prevent it? Right? Because I mean, of course you don’t sign up for it, right? It’s like nobody wants to get sick. When you don’t sign up to get the flu. You don’t sign up to get the cold. So we know how to prevent getting the flu and the cold, right? You wash your hands and things like that. But nobody we’re not really talking about how do you prevent passing herpes once you have it. How do you prevent getting it? Are there ways to prevent getting it? And then what happens when you really are diagnosed with it? Is your life really over? Because I can honestly tell you it’s not you know, you’re absolutely capable of being you know, I hear people saying, I’ll never be a parent or I don’t want to take baths with my kids, my infants, I think I’ll pass it to them or I don’t want to cuddle with them in bags. I think I’ll pass it to. I’m just going oh, my goodness, you need to enjoy life like this is not a death sentence. You know, this is not a curse. You didn’t do anything wrong.

Alexandra Harbushka: You’re absolutely right. And yeah, it is so unfair that there is that I am just going to call it a joke because I don’t remember if it was friends, or it was some other TV show. I remember somebody got a modeling spot. Yeah, actually, I think it was friends where Joey had a modeling shot where he was in a herpes that I have herpes or something. And, and it got him turned down for dates because people actually thought that he had it. Okay, yeah, that it’s not fair because that was my exposure. herpes, right? All of us until I met you. And that was like 20 years ago. So, and it wasn’t a good exposure because it only gave the view of, okay, his dating life is ruined, because he pretended he had herpes in a modeling spot. But they weren’t even given the other side. Right. So let’s talk about the other side, because you’ve had some amazing things happen in your life just in the past couple of months. So Friday night,

yes. Got married. Yeah, I did.

Yeah. And that’s a question I get asked all the time is, Does your husband really like you’re telling me he really doesn’t care. And I get this almost daily from my community, whether it’s an email or a message, you know, so you’re there like, you’re really like, you’re really serious and telling me that he doesn’t care or like you’re telling me that it’s really possible for him to love you unconditionally. Like this is mind boggling to people that your life can still go on. You still can date You still, I mean, there are conversations you have to have. But you should have been having these conversations already. You know what I mean? Like, you should have already been practicing safe sex, like people look at this and they go, Oh, well, now I have to use a condom. And I want to say them well, you should always be using a condom because it’s protecting you and protecting that person. Like, that’s what’s sexier than that, you know, like you’re being really honest and wanting to protect their health. But back to I totally got off subject. I got all heated up. But

yeah, but you’re so right. Thank you for sharing all that.

Alexandra Harbushka: But, but yeah, I just got married and it was wonderful and amazing. And, you know, people ask again, people ask me all the time, he really doesn’t care. Nope, he really doesn’t. He loves me for me. And that’s completely possible. And it’s I was listening to your interview with Jane. I can’t think of her last name but the happy endings Yeah, when? Yes. And how you said that you wrote down everything that you want in a man And a partner and you literally got every single thing. And that is completely possible for anybody whether you have herpes or don’t have herpes, you know, it doesn’t matter. You could have 11 toes, and you could use that you have 11 toes instead of 10 toes as your life’s over because you have 11 toes like you You can use whatever this is to give yourself a glass ceiling and to give yourself and and to hold yourself back. But until you absolutely put it forward and get what you want. Get the job you want. Get the lover that you want. Get the lifestyle that you want, get the health that you want, have the income coming in that you want. People use herpes as the scapegoat

or whatever their story is back to that story. We all have that story. In my particular community. It’s herpes, one of my previous bosses is HIV positive, if not full blown aids, and he has had a number of relationships, but they all knew and they all it was unconditional love and you’re right. It’s so out there. But I think unfortunately for a lot of men And women, they get themselves into a well, it’s never gonna get better than this, you know, I’m this is what I just had to get used to. And it’s not even just about relationships, it’s economic status. Well, I was born trailer park, so I’m just always gonna be in a trailer park, you know? No, it doesn’t need to be that way we just need to be, we just need to know that there. The world is open for whatever we want out of it.

Absolutely. And and vice versa. You also can’t rest on your laurels because just because you were the high school quarterback doesn’t mean that you’re always going to be the high school quarterback. So to flip that the reverse side cam, like you were saying, Yeah, you don’t have to stay in the situation that you’re in. It’s up to you to make that change or to stay where you are. And if you stay with you where you are, then that’s where you want to stay.

You’ve got me thinking about Romy and Michele’s high school reunion right now, which I think I’ve only seen once or twice because it’s just not my style of movie. But I remember I got the high school football players and then the cheerleaders and just when they get to the reunion, I mean that’s where the girls were trying to live up to it. And then they’re just not all that.

Yeah, yeah, totally.

Totally. Yeah, one of my former clients and we still get along very well, we just have gone our separate ways Kim backing see found out when she was very young in her 30s that she had breast cancer and she had a mastectomy. And shortly after her high school sweetheart, our college sweetheart, I can’t remember which she found out that he was cheating on her with her best friend. If you go to Kim backing calm listeners, you can you can read all about her, but she ended up writing a book about her breast cancer experience. It was a collaboration with a couple of her college friends who also got it. But then she went on and she found her love to and just like well, not just like I mean it’s different, but it is sort of the same. You know, she had breast augmentation surgery and she still found a man who loves her dearly. It doesn’t matter male breast or not, and it’s something that I’ve started joked about with my husband, even though it’s not a joke, I was Like, would you still love me if I didn’t have boobs? And he’s like, well, I love you. It doesn’t matter if you have boobs or not right? My husband is a boobs guy. I just had to put it out there. But, you know, I know that he’s here for my heart and for me and not for anything that happens, right?

Alexandra Harbushka: Yeah, absolutely. I mean, that’s what I tell people. My community. I’m like, hey, the good news is you get the jerks out of the way. The people that are too superficial, are too scared to get to know you because you have herpes. Good. Good riddance. I saved you a night out or saved you a really bad breakup or it saved you. You know, you got to have you time.

Absolutely. It sounds. I don’t mean to make a joke out of this. But you know, in high school, we all heard about the boys who didn’t want to wear a condom because it just didn’t feel so good. Well, right, get over it. Just put it on and live in love and laugh and not at herpes. I mean, but

yeah, I would even go a step further and get tested. Because that’s really, really, really really condom or no condom is Knowing Of course wear condom, but it’s knowing if you have it or don’t have it. And I think that’s where, in my situation with the communities, so many people didn’t know they had it just because they were too scared to get tested. Or they didn’t know what it was. Or they convinced their mind that it was, oh, I must have nicked myself shaving as a female or I was an ingrown hair from getting waxed. Or for a guy, it was like, Oh, I must, I gotta, you know, like got stuck in the zipper or something. You know, I think you tell yourself a story to convince yourself that it’s not herpes. But yeah, I’d go a step further and say, yeah, it’s for STDs and just your health get tested. Go to the doctor, because that prevents you. You don’t nobody wants to pass it to anybody knowingly. I don’t think I mean, I don’t think you ever want to give it to somebody unless you’re really not good person. A healthy Yeah, good person. Then I guess there are those people out there. But in general, I think we have more moral we all have the moral hopefully that is like Gosh, I will Never want to knowingly give this to you. So I’m going to do what I can. I’m going to get tested. I’m going to know what it is going into it. But we just were to, like you said it’s not comfortable to wear the condom or it’s too embarrassing to buy a condom. Or I don’t want to get the stares at what when I go to check out it at CBS. I don’t want people to know I’m having sex. Well, it’s way less embarrassing than, you know, either having an unwanted pregnancy or ending up with an STD or STI that you now have the rest of your life.

There should be a permit for having sex. Totally.

Yes.

I to be a parent. Actually, I think that should be Yeah, actually,

I don’t mean this in the cussing way. But I heard sometime in the last year or two that the I’m afraid that there’s kids listening and there was no disclaimer at the beginning of this episode, but fsck actually stood for fornication under consent of the king. Yes, Yes, that’s true. If you’re not grown up enough to take a venture down the condom mile, then you shouldn’t be having sex in the first place. You’re not mature enough for it? Nope. on so many levels?

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, think about it, we have

to have a license to drive. We have to have a license to get married. We have to we have to have a license to have our business we have to have you go into contract to live in your home, whether you rent or buy, you have to sign your kids up to go to school. There’s some type of a contract, right? Like, legally your kids have to go to school, but you’re right. There is no license to have sex, which that is that creates life. Right? or children,

which sometimes I think is so unfortunate. I’m just putting it out there. Here. Right. Alexandra been completely enlightening and mind blowing and I know I mean, completely off topic from what you’re doing. I’m gonna proceed with my book idea. So thank you. Yeah, do it so much. Where can listeners connect with you online and get in touch

Alexandra Harbushka: So I would love I welcome you even if you’re if you don’t have herpes and you’re like, I don’t know what this is all about. Come check it out. Go to life with herpes.com and just kind of see what’s going on and learn about herpes or listen to the podcast life with herpes if you’re like, I have actually, believe it or not, Kim, I have a huge demographic of people that do not have herpes yet they love listening to the podcast and that always is mind boggling to me. I’m like, really, you want to know all about it? And they do. They just want to know what it’s like and they want to know maybe to prevent it. I’m not sure but I think it’s great.

Alexandra Harbushka: And I do have some gifts for your audience and for your community, Kim so go to life with herpes comm forward slash positive and not positive for herpes, but positive. About that, not about that. I did for a second and I was like, well, maybe I’m the only one that saw it. But anyways, yeah, go to that. And there are some downloads and some fun things for you. ebooks I’ve written. You know, the five things I wish I had known before I had herpes. A lot of it are old wives tales or misconceptions that like Kim and I were just talking, you know, back to The episode or the you know, that was our perception of people with herpes or what herpes was. So anyways go to LifeWithHerpes.com/positive and I also have a free coaching session for you.

Alexandra Harbushka: So if that is something if you just were diagnosed, or you are waiting for the results you are, I’m sure in an absolute panic. I’ve been there. And it’s scary. So reach out, I seriously reach out I am here and the community is so extremely generous.

Kim Sutton: Thank you so much listeners if you are driving or on the elliptical or just somewhere where you can’t write that down. You can visit thekimsutton.com/pp222 to get show notes, links and eventually a transcription of our whole conversation. I’m a little bit backlogged right now I have to admit, but Alexandra, thank you so much. Again, this has been an absolute pleasure. Thank you.

Alexandra Harbushka: Oh, you’re welcome.

Kim Sutton: Do you have a piece of parting advice or a golden nugget that you can offer to listeners?

Alexandra Harbushka: Yes, I think I’ve given a lot of my golden nuggets but now I’m out of nuggets off top of my head. But I think what I would just say is, don’t judge someone until you walked in their shoes.

So if you are looking to date someone and they tell you they have herpes or you find out about it, ask questions, don’t assume assuming is probably the worst thing you can do and do your due diligence. Find out really what it means and what it means for you.

Alexandra Harbushka: And whether we’re talking about herpes or not whether, you know you’re dating someone and they say I’m $500,000 in debt, okay, find out what that means. What does that mean for you? So just do your due diligence in life, don’t assume, just see how it affects you and or how it doesn’t affect you. And if you love that person unconditionally, then enjoy there’s nothing better than love and joy.