PP 289: Opening the Lines of Communication

Kim Sutton Welcome back to another episode of Positive Productivity. In Episode 287, I talked about my struggles with anxiety. And I encourage any of you who are dealing with anxiety to try to find a relief method that would work for you. Today, I want to talk about one more method that works especially well for me, and that is keeping lines of communication open. So many times in my personal life, as well as in my professional life, I have been struggling with issues with other people. But rather than having conversations with the person about what I was struggling with, I decided to keep it bottled up inside. What I have found is that when I’m keeping my thoughts and my emotions bottled up inside, they often start stewing, almost like a big pot of soup that starting to boil on the stove. That boil leads up into extreme anxiety and I almost feel like I am just going to blow up. I have had nights where my head was going crazy with thoughts of conversations that I knew I really needed to have. But rather than get up and send a quick email, or even just compose a draft, I would lay in bed and continue to toss and turn. In the episode about anxiety, I did talk about how journaling has been a great relief for my anxiety. Journaling is often only for internal struggles that I’m facing and not external. While I can journal about struggles that I’m having with other people, it’s not addressing the issue head on. And more often than not, those conversations with the other person are absolutely necessary. And that’s why we need to keep the line of communication open. I’ve run into so many people who when they do open up their lines of communication, they right away get very offensive or defensive rather than trying to have a calm conversation. This is not good. Every single conversation that we enter needs to be approached gently and cautiously. And by cautiously I don’t mean that we need to be scared of the conversation. What I mean is that we shouldn’t go in looking to attack the other person straight from the get go or at all. Often, there has been a simple miscommunication that has steered into something much bigger. But if we can just take a step back and address the other person calmly, then often the situation can work itself out. I have found in my relationship with my husband, Dave, that communication is a must if we’re going to not only survive, but thrive. But I’ve also found that there are times that I need to keep what I’m feeling in, just because when the emotion initially hits me, I know that I can either scream or take a step back. Thankfully, over the last seven years, Dave has realized that when I just look at him, parse lips, and unquiet, he knows, Okay, she just needs a little bit of time to herself. Unfortunately, it’s really difficult to do that in this digital age where we aren’t looking at the other party all the time. Sometimes we can push and prod and just keep on poking at people until they do respond and often the response that we get is not the one that we want. By poking and prodding people, often we get that offensive or defensive response in return. Although we want to keep that lines of communication open, sometimes we need to put our thoughts out there and give the other party time to compose their own thoughts and respond. I’ve had quite a few experiences, especially on Facebook, where I would get a message from somebody, I wouldn’t respond right away. And I would keep on getting poked. Don’t poke people. I understand that what might be at the top of your priority list might be really important. But we all have to remember that everybody, each and every one of us is on a different timeline. And by poking people or following up much more than what may be really needed. You’re just going to irritate the other person. The lines of communication always need to stay open but don’t feel pressured to always be feeling them with noise. It’s healthy to get our thoughts out. But it’s even healthier to let the other party respond when they are good and ready. Now with all this said, Go forth and make it a positive and productive day.