PP 670: A Journey Back to Loving Yourself with Simone Allison
“Recognize that you are stronger than you think and it all boils down to knowing your worth, loving yourself, and attracting all you deserve.” – Simone Allison
Is your current relationship making you lose yourself? Today, Kim and Simone Allison will lead you towards the journey of finding yourself and thriving again. Many women go through a difficult relationship in the hands of a narcissist. But only a few find the courage to free themselves of this misery, at times because of some understandable and plausible causes. Yet, the question that everyone must ask is: Is your happiness worth staying in this relationship for one more day, or month, or year? Learn how you can move out of victimhood, speak your needs, live your truth, regain your worth, and voice your worth so that you can attract everything you deserve and nothing less. Also, discover practical ways you can set boundaries and expectations, be accountable, and finally, move on to a fresh start. Listen in and you’ll be surprised to know that some of the worries holding you back aren’t as bad as you think they might be!
Highlights:
02:47 Journey Through Our Challenges
10:18 Know Your Worth
14:13 We Are Not Alone
21:07 It’s Okay To Leave
34:12 Meditation To Cleanse Us
38:21 Stand Up For Yourself
45:22 Find Help
51:08 How to Set Boundaries
57:18 What We Need
Resources:
- Books
Inspirational Quotes:
04:22 “You always see the true colors in someone when you’re of no use to them.” – Simone Allison
06:47 “Women are natural-born empaths. We’re natural givers.” – Simone Allison
08:07 “We’ve come here to grow, expand and move towards love and that is the purpose of life. It’s a movement toward love.” – Simone Allison
11:24 “It’s all about knowing who you are, what you’re worth, and loving yourself, then you can get everything that you want and deserve.” – Simone Allison
24:56 “When you are being faced with a situation where you’re fearing for your life or for your children’s livelihood, you have to leave.” – Simone Allison
34:47 “Meditation helps to still the mind so that we can hear our intuition, so that we can hear that guidance from above.” – Simone Allison
36:13 “When we’re purposeful, and we’re doing something that’s making a difference, we start to realize our worth, and we start to embrace who we are and love ourselves.” – Simone Allison
53:51 “Set those boundaries so that others know where you stand.” – Simone Allison
01:06:57 “Recognize that you are stronger than you think and it all boils down to knowing your worth, loving yourself, and attracting all you deserve.” – Simone Allison
About Simone:
Simone Allison is a Female Empowerment Coach. She works with women who have experienced loss. Loss of one’s personal power, loss of one’s voice, loss of boundaries in relationships, and loss of sense of self. She also works with those who are grieving the loss of a loved one. The loss of a loved one continues to be the most difficult loss we will ever experience on our journey. She shares her journey, rife with pain, anger, and disappointment following her tumultuous separation, which led to a search for compassion, understanding, and forgiveness. She writes the book Disempowered No More: A Spiritual Journey to Discovering Purpose, Power & Passion After Divorce. It is a story of an unexpected but highly anticipated and yearned for spiritual awakening. It demonstrates the untapped strength within us all and how relationship with Our Creator, our team of angels, and our own sheer will to overcome the obstacles we face, can inevitably lead to a life path that is transformative, passion-filled, and purpose driven.
EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION:
Kim Sutton: Welcome back to another episode of Positive Productivity. This is your host, Kim Sutton. I feel like I’m speaking two times. I have only one cup of coffee for this morning, but I am speaking two times because I’m so excited about the guests that we do have with us today. Let me give you a little backstory on me in case this is your first time listening. In 2010, I left my first husband who was my high school sweetheart. I had stuck with him longer than I really should have. And to be fair to us both, we’d never should have gotten married in 2002. I got pregnant, we got married because we felt, and our families felt that it was the right thing to do. For all of you women and all of you men who are listening, because I know it can go both ways. If you are ever in a mentally abusive situation, if you’re ever in a physically abusive situation with your spouse or significant other, I feel it is my responsibility, welcome to the Positive Productivity podcast where we have bloopers every single episode, to let you know that you have options. You do not need to stay, and I have no doubt that you, Simone, our fabulous guest today will probably agree with me.
But please, listeners, don’t hang on because you’re waiting for it to get better. You can give it a shot, give it a good shot if you’re going to give it a shot. But if you realize that you are still in jeopardy, if you’re still being emotionally abused, please do what you have to do to protect yourself and any other parties involved to get to a safe place and a safe space in your life. But with all that said, our fabulous guest today is Simone Allison. Simone is an Empowerment Coach. I had my cheat sheet right here in front of me, and then I got really distracted by a female empowerment coach from Empowerher by Simone. Wow, I just can’t wait to see how many people we can support through this episode. Would you mind sharing a little bit of your backstory? I know it, but I feel like we need to let listeners hear your story now. Especially the ones who might be going through it on their own.
Simone Allison: Yes. Well, thanks for having me Kim. I’m really happy to be here.
Kim Sutton: Oh, you’re welcome.
Simone Allison: Yeah. Well, you know what? There’s a lot of us out there, a lot of women have been on this journey. And yeah, my journey began in 2017. I was in a marriage for 17 years, it turned out to be, and I didn’t even realize this because hindsight is always 2020. I realized when I left in 2017 that I was married for 17 years to a narcissist. I was playing the role of a codependent and had no idea about that either. So when I left in 2017, I moved out on my own with my kids. And then my father, a month later was diagnosed and hospitalized for fourth stage laryngeal cancer. So I had those two things going on, and in addition to that, I witnessed a traumatic incident that involved my father while he was in the hospital. So that created PTSD symptoms. I was going through all of these three things at once. It was really, really a challenging time for me. And healing took a while. In the midst of all of that, my ex and I tried to reconcile. And when we did, like you had mentioned, Kim, they always say that you always see the true colors in someone when you’re of no use to them, when you’re no longer used to them. That’s when I saw his true colors come out, and I was on the receiving end of physical, mental and emotional abuse. So I moved out of that circumstance, that living situation, back to my apartment and began to try to heal. I remember saying to myself, my god, it took a lot to leave that.Because the thing is, sometimes, when you’re experiencing the anxiety, the depression, which is what I was experiencing at the time, and the symptoms of PTSD, I was holding on to that relationship for dear life. Because I knew that if I leave again, I would be on my own. So it was a very scary situation for me when I did leave that second time, but it took every fiber of my being to leave. And I did. I’m grateful that I did because it was a journey back to loving myself, and I didn’t realize that, again, until I left.
Kim Sutton: Have you lost yourself?
Simone Allison: Absolutely. I lost myself in my marriage. I did. The thing is I had, I went to school, I went to college, I got my degrees, I have a master’s in Mental Health Therapy, I practiced, and then I remained home as a stay at home mom for a number of years. I just kind of, like you said, lost myself and just kind of devoted all of my energy and attention to him. I didn’t realize I was doing that. And the thing is, I probably should have realized, because I was so unhappy, and I didn’t know why. I didn’t know why I was so unhappy. But it was because my soul was crying, was screaming for something more for something that I had come here to do. I needed to do something now. I needed to fulfill my mission here on this planet. So I was very unhappy in the relationship and didn’t know why. And sometimes that happens, we lose ourselves. Women are natural born empaths, were natural givers. So sometimes, we don’t even recognize the fact that we are putting all of our eggs in that basket and not keeping some for ourselves. It’s so important to recognize that and try to switch that before it becomes part of the dynamic in the relationship. So it has become part of our dynamic. But again, I only realized that when I left, I only did that. But it’s okay. It’s all part of the journey. From it, I realized that everything happens for us. Nothing happens to us. What I learned was, we have all come here, our souls before we incarnated. Our souls knew what we would face, what challenges we would face. And the reason that we come here is to experience these challenges, these difficult situations, whether it’s abuse, or heartbreak, or whatever is for our souls to grow and expand. We don’t remember that, obviously. But that’s what we’ve all come here for. And we’ve come here to grow, expand and move towards love. That is the purpose of life. It’s a movement toward love.
Kim Sutton: So I thought that my purpose, when I graduated high school, I was so naive when I graduated high school, just need to put that out there. But I don’t know that anybody’s not.
Simone Allison: Oh, yeah, I was totally naive.
Kim Sutton: I thought that I was going, I went to art school, I got my degree in interior architecture. I had huge dreams of becoming a super successful designer in Manhattan, living in a loft apartment like Patrick Swayze.
Simone Allison: You gotta shoot high.
Kim Sutton: Gotta shoot high. I thought that was it. Well, I grew up in western New York, which is entirely different. My classmates constantly reminded me is entirely different than being in any of the boroughs of New York City. They had a nice word for it, which I will not repeat to protect children’s ears. I was first introduced to things like Prada when I was at school, but I quickly realized that, and no offense to people who appreciate Prada, I’m not going to turn down a Prada bag, or Kate Spade, or anything like that. If somebody wants to give it to me, yes, please. But I realized that saving up my money to buy a $100 prada pencil case was not on my list of priorities. I grew up in a divorced household, so the last thing that I ever wanted to do was get divorced. And my husband was my first real serious boyfriend, my first husband. I felt like I was going to be a quitter. I was constantly being babysat. Like even in college, 16 hours apart, if I was not in my dorm room when he called, I would hear about it.
Simone Allison: Wow.
Kim Sutton: But I just thought this was, if I break up with him, I’m never going to find somebody else. If you want to be with me, you have to move to New York City. Well, I already had a job in Chicago, but I gave it up to be with him in New York City. It was the same thing, and it just went on, and on, and on. We were together from 1997 until I left him in 2010.
Simone Allison: But that’s the thing. I think that’s basically what we, most many women go through. It really boils down to knowing your worth. A lot of us sometimes stay far too long because we don’t know our worth. It’s only in leaving that I learned my worth, so it was also a journey of discovering who I was and what I had to offer. Once we know who we are and what we have to offer, our realities just make this huge shift. And we then begin to attract everything that we deserve, whether it’s love, which is the greatest of all the abundances. There’s love, finances, everything, we just begin to attract everything we deserve. And the universe just responds once we’re vibrating because we are made of energy, as spiritual beings having this huge human experience, we’re made of energy. So once we are vibrating at a higher frequency, we then attract everything that we deserve. It’s all about knowing who you are, what you’re worth and loving yourself, then you can get everything that you want and deserve. And sometimes, it takes those hard journeys as heartbreak, or going through something difficult, like something abusive, emotionally, but knowing that your soul came here to experience that so you can grow, so you can expand. You can take that story and become all that you were created to be, . Once we recognize that our perception of our circumstances changes incredibly, drastically. And we realize that, okay, this happened for me, not to me. And then we get out of the victim mindset because I was in the victim mentality for a long, long time. But I began to get messages from the universe telling me, listen, you got to change the content of your thoughts. Because if you don’t change the content of your thoughts, your vibration is going to be low, and you’re going to keep attracting what you don’t want.
Kim Sutton: Were you raised with that mentality? Because I certainly, well, Catholic household, and I didn’t, I mean, it took me, 2008, I was trying to run my first business and became suicidal because I wasn’t sleeping, sleep deprivation. Everybody has major consequences.
Simone Allison: Of course.
Kim Sutton: So when I told my ex that I was suicidal, I was committed to the mental hospital, which I am now grateful for. But coming out of that, I lost my job. Again, another gift. Met a chiropractor here in Ohio who introduced me to the law of attraction. On that day, my life entirely slashed. 2009 when I realized that I was the only one who controlled my happiness. I am not saying that there are not days still where I struggle and I allow, and I have to say, I allow. I don’t give other people the power, but I allow other people to have the power, which I shouldn’t do. And there are still those days. But in that moment in 2009, I realized that I’m the one who controls my happiness.
Simone Allison: Yes.
Kim Sutton: I will never forget him coming home, I was burning the curry again. I don’t cook, I burn. He started in, and I just looked at him and smiled. And you should have seen his face. Why are you smiling at me? It was like you no longer have the right to determine my happiness.
Simone Allison: I love it.
Kim Sutton: And his face just shot back, his whole head just shot back and he’s like, Oh, I see.
Simone Allison: What just happened? I love it. I love it.
Kim Sutton: Awesome.
Simone Allison: But to answer your question, yeah, I grew up in a household, a Catholic household as well. So no, I had no idea about any of this. This all just happened for me. I mean, I wanted to, what happened was I began to meditate. And in meditating, I believe what happened was I kind of opened myself up to receiving guidance. Because I was just so stoic in being Catholic, and that was all I knew. I was like, there’s nothing other than that. So when I began to meditate, then I began to receive messages from the universe. And then I started to second guess my, is this really happening? Am I really receiving messages? 11:11, 12:12, 15:15.
Kim Sutton: Considering, right before we jumped on here, I was like, it’s 11:11, great things are happening.
Simone Allison: Absolutely, yes, yes. And that’s the thing. The universe is here for all of us. It’s here to support us. And sometimes we’re so stuck in what’s happening in our lives if we’re in a negative space. And that’s my dog shaking herself here. I’m sorry.
Kim Sutton: I have had my dog, and you don’t need to apologize. I have had a cat get stuck in my window blinds during, Oh, no, it was totally cool.
Simone Allison: I love the fact that your show is accepting of bloopers, I love it.
Kim Sutton: This is like–
Simone Allison: Yes, exactly. It’s never perfect, ever.
Kim Sutton: No. But sometimes you feel like you’re alone on your journey. You feel alone. My God, I am all alone. We’re really not. We are supported, and we are being guided. And knowing that you can get through it is huge. It gets you through from moment to moment, day to day, and then onward until you heal, And you do heal, but it does take time. So all of this started happening for me after I left the marriage. I remember one day, I was really, really negative and I was in a negative space, getting triggered and the flashbacks, etc, and the anxiety. And I called out to my angels and I said: “Angels, I need to see a sign. I need to see a sign that I’m not alone because I feel all alone.” And I remember going down in my apartment building in the elevator to get the mail. I got back in the elevator to come back to the apartment, and the elevator opened and down on the floor was a white feather. Never forget that. That was my sign. That was the sign that you’re not alone. That was the sign asked for. And what was a white feather doing inside of an apartment building, on the floor right outside of the elevator? So just knowing that we are supported, we are guided. And the thing is, angels are not, they don’t have wings, they’re energy, its energy. They’re higher vibrating energy than we are. Much, much higher. But they’re here for us, and they present themselves in the form of human form. But with wings, because that’s how we portray them on paper. So we came up with the idea that that’s how they looked. They appear to us like that, but angels are just energy, and we’re supported. It’s so important to know that we are, so that we don’t feel alone. And knowing that we will get through whatever it is that we’re going through.
Kim Sutton: I absolutely. You want to hear a crazy Angel story? Well, I would have thought it was crazy before. Having been raised Catholic, you would have thought it was crazy too, before your feather. But in 2016, I had another major bout of sleep deprivation, and I will never allow myself to go through that again, ever. So it’s been almost four years now, but I was again having suicidal thoughts. I prayed to God to please help me. Because I was sitting in my bed, wondering if my ceiling fan would support me, and keep in mind listeners, I was already married to my soulmate. Remarried now to my soulmate with three markets and it just felt so horrible. But sleep deprivation will do that to you. I was just there praying, I saw the most evil monsters by my eyelids that I had ever seen before. I prayed one more time, and all of a sudden, the big white flash of light, and Angel, no joke, behind my eyelids, and the monsters went away, and I fell into the most peaceful sleep that I had in years. The next morning, I came out to my desk and I have it. Listeners, if you watch any of my Facebook lives, you’ll see it on the shelf behind me, there on my desk was a broken angel wing that had fallen off about that one of my now teenagers had given me years before for Christmas. I’m not an angel person. I had put the spell aside, I don’t even know where it was the night before. But that morning, the angel was laying on a side on my desk with the wing broken off.
Simone Allison: I love it. I love it.
Kim Sutton: That was just one of those things that, before that moment, I would have been like–
Simone Allison: Yeah, exactly. Yes, yes. I remember, someone told me that, she said, Simone, you can communicate with your angels. And I was like, what? This was before I was opened up to all of this.
Kim Sutton: Yeah, feed me another load of–
Simone Allison: Frankly, I was like, what is she talking about?
Kim Sutton: So where did your kids come into play? I know that this is a really nosy question. But at the time, when I left, my ex, I had two young boys. They were four and seven, or five and eight, that general age. There was physical abuse happening towards them, there was no physical abuse happening towards me. This is going to sound like I’m dismissing the physical, which I’m absolutely not. But I could not tolerate in any way my boys being taught that it was acceptable to treat anybody in the way that I was being treated before them, and the way that they were being treated. And that was really the final straw. I was sticking with the marriage so that the boys wouldn’t grow up in a divorced household like I was. But I realized that, given the alternative, that a divorced household would be a much happier way to be raised than with their parents sticking together and fighting constantly.
Simone Allison: Absolutely. I also have a background in marriage and family therapy. So yes, we all try to make it work. We try to make it work, especially for the kids. And that’s why a lot of us stay where we probably shouldn’t be, but it is better. I always say that, I always encourage women, I say: “Listen, it’s better to be in a divorced home and have a divorced situation for your kids. An environment where it’s like, you’re no longer together, but at the same time, knowing that you’re safe guarding them, and you’re safeguarding yourself.” Because the thing is, if they stay there, then what is that telling them? Like you said, it’s teaching them that it’s okay. It’s giving them a license to say, I can do this, it’s okay to treat someone like this. It’s okay to hurt someone verbally, physically or mentally. And it’s not. It’s better to leave and have your children face divorce, and you face divorce, and you as a family work through it. Then for your children to remain where they are and see something that is not healthy for them.
Kim Sutton: Absolutely.
Simone Allison: So yeah, I second that.
Kim Sutton: So the street that we all lived in when I was still married to their dad, the boys just don’t even want to go down the street. I’ve never really gotten into it with them. They are amazing children. They’re now 14 and 17. They’re amazing boys. And watching them, my 14 year old is Mr. Popular. His girlfriend’s like, left and right. One at a time people, just want to make that clear, one at a time. But just hearing him talk to them is just like, Good job. Good job, kiddo. I did not, and I just want to put this out there for any woman who’s listening, who perhaps has lost her job or given up her job to take care of the children or take care of the significant other. I had lost my job in 2008. I had started a business in 2005, which I had really no place to start, and was making me literally a quarter a day. But when I left, the business had to go because, again, a quarter a day is not going to sustain the family. So I was unemployed. I found an income based apartment complex where I got a sweet deal. I’m talking $150 for the first month and a half. But you better believe I was out there looking for a job constantly. I did apply for public assistance. So in the States, I feel like public assistance gets a bad rap, that people who are receiving it are lazy. And I think that we just need to do away with that stigma right now. It’s there to support the people who need it. And if you are in an unsafe environment, and you do not have the means to support yourself, it is there to help you get your feet back underneath you so you can be safe.
Simone Allison: Absolutely.
Kim Sutton: Do not feel ashamed to go apply and get all the benefits that you can’t. We had cash assistance, we had child care assistance, we had food stamps, it was actually a debit card. Nobody would need to know that I was getting food assistance and childcare, health and health. So I had four different types of assistance, and I’m not ashamed to admit it. I was very ashamed at first, but I realized that’s what it’s there for.
Simone Allison: Absolutely. I agree. Now, listen, when you are being faced with a situation where you’re fearing for your life or for your children’s livelihood, you have to leave. And knowing that we do have a system in place where, who will be taken care of financially? You can get back on your feet, knowing that is very important. Knowing that you can leave, and you can regroup, and rebuild, and to start from the bottom up if you have to do what it takes. But at least your children are safe. You are safe. And in time, you will rebuild. It’s just a matter of time.
Kim Sutton: Absolutely. There was nothing better to me than sleeping on an air mattress for four months, but waking up and seeing the morning sun coming in my windows, hearing my kids laughing, and we didn’t have cable. So like my younger boy at that time was, he had the Chipmunks movie on constant loop. Oh, my gosh, we still have DVDs. Okay, during this time, there was no amazon prime yet that I was aware of. But I had to go, like that was a minor mom sanity purchase. I had to go get a couple more movies because I was like, I cannot have the Chipmunks movie on. Did you already have your business when you left? Were you working? Like, would you mind?
Simone Allison: So what had happened was this. So during the marriage, I had been working here and there because we had my first, and I was working. I was working part time because my ex did not want anyone other than family to take care of the kids. That was a huge issue for him. So I said, Fine. Okay. All right. If he feels so strongly about it, then that’s what we’ll go with. So I had to work part time because of that. When my second came along, five years later, I stayed home. I stayed home much, much longer than I expected to. So by the time that things started to really go south in our marriage, no, I hadn’t been working at that point. So when I left, I left also being very concerned about my financial welfare, but I moved out. It was a battle, a huge battle because he tried to be sneaky with the money. He threatened me, I got threats, and it caused a lot of anger within me. I became very angry and very resentful because I thought to myself, you know what? I spent 17 years with this guy, and I gave everything to him. So why is he doing this to me? Why is he cutting me off financially? The way I looked at it too was, I sacrificed. I sacrificed the years that I spent getting my degrees. I mean, I did it for my kids. Yes, but why is he doing this? Why is he cutting me off? So I spent a good portion of the early separation being very fearful financially. But again, I was getting messages from my angels telling me, you don’t want to be afraid, don’t attract that to you, don’t attract the negativity to you, realize that you will be taken care of. And these were the messages that I kept receiving. So I eventually just kind of released the anxiety surrounding money, and then everything just fell in line and the divorce turned down in my favor. Financially I’m okay, I’m okay.
Now, I’m building my business, and excited about where it’s headed. But that just gives you an idea of what I went through. Everybody’s story is different. Everybody’s story is different. I remember having to tell the kids: “Listen, no, we can’t buy. No, you can’t get Netflix. No, I don’t have money for that. No, I’m sorry. No, circumstances changed. You got to accept that.” And now, the way I see it is their souls had to go through that as well. They did, because they needed to realize that not everything is given to you. When you want it, you can have everything. It’s important that we realize that because maybe down the line, they’ll need to remember what they learned through that. And the faster that we remember that everything that happens, even financial, having to get the food stamps, and having to rely on public assistance, or saying, no, you can’t have this. I had to tell my son one time, I put my debit card in a target and I was in the negative, like maybe now, I can buy you the Lego set. But we have to realize that that’s all part of the journey. And the faster we realize that, the faster that we can begin to get everything that we deserve and attract everything we deserve. Because the universe does want to give us everything that we do deserve. But yeah, it happens, but you’ll get through it. And it’s important that others out there realize that they will get through it. It’s just a matter of time.
Kim Sutton: So my husband now and I met also in 2010. We got married in 2012, and he lost his job literally the week that we got married. That was our sign that he really just needed to stop getting all these contract positions. He was working in warehouses and factories, and pursue his childhood dream. So he started college, and I ended up starting this business in its first form to supplement our income. In those days, though, in the year since, when we were in that first income, we were still in the first income base department when I started the business, we had our power shut off. I remember going down to the breaker boxes at the end of the apartment row, trying to figure out if I could open and turn the power back on. I was like, we’ve had our water shut off. You can listen about it on previous episodes of the podcast. Listeners, we’ve had our water shut off, we always got it back within a day because what I refuse to do is go hide myself in my bed and pull the covers up, because that’s not going to get me the water turned back off. So we’ve never done anything illegal. Have we thought about it? Heck, yes. I will not deny. We have thought about it. I don’t even want to say it. But now that I’ve said that I have to, there’s a bank 2 blocks, less than a mile from our house that has been robbed numerous times, and the people have always gotten away. So we joked about it, Oh, boy. But that’s not what our faith, and I’m no longer Catholic, but with our faith, we can’t do that. But God didn’t put us here to be lazy, or the universe, we have a purpose. Going into bed and pulling the covers over your head is not going to help you fulfill your purpose. And if I hadn’t gone through all these, my positive productivity does not mean that every single day, I am happy. I just need to put it out there that there are two days a month to where I am in a foul mood, and yesterday was one of those days. I took the PMS pill and probably fell asleep.
Simone Allison: We all have those, with me all the time.
Kim Sutton: My husband knows they’re coming, and he’ll smile through those two days a month. But that’s the only, and maybe I need to stop giving my permission to be a B word on those days. My patients just, Oh, and last night, it was Girl Scout night and I am a coach troop leader. Those girls, let me just tell you, if anybody thinks that being a Girl Scout troop leader is easy breezy, you are wrong. You are wrong. I never know that 12 little girls could be more challenging than the kids that I have in my home. I sat down, I was like, damn this pill, I’m obese. Anyway, we’ve had it all, we’ve faced foreclosure and got out of it. We had a car repoed and we got it back. But that was only because I wouldn’t allow myself to get into bed. I had to keep on looking for the possibilities. A previous guest of the podcast, Christina Miller, actually said to me, because we were about to lose the house. When we were recording that episode she said: “Kim, how often do you sit and still, and listen?” And all he could say back was, huh? And she’s like, in her case, it’s God. In my case, it’s God too. But I am open to all spiritualities. She said: “God’s trying to tell you something, but you are so busy trying to figure it out for yourself all the time, that you are not sitting still and listening to the words that he might be trying to say.”
Simone Allison: Yes. And you know what? Yes, I agree. And that’s where meditation comes in. Meditation is so good for that. So good to get your mind still. It’s so good to clean out. All the thoughts that keep coming at us, cleans it all out. Because what’s happening is our subconscious mind is full of thoughts already. All the stuff that has happened to us, everything, all of our past experiences, they’re all down there. And so meditation helps to still the mind so that we can hear our intuition, so that we can hear that guidance from above. Meditation is a way to get centered, get grounded, get still and really understand what’s happening within, and really understand what’s happening around you as well. I remember when, towards the end of the marriage before I left, I was very unhappy. I didn’t know why. I just couldn’t figure it out, why am I so unhappy. I mean, what is there to be unhappy about? Our relationship wasn’t really a connected relationship. We weren’t really deeply connected, but I wasn’t being abused physically, emotionally. I mean, emotionally, yes, because it was a one sided relationship. And I only realized that, again, after leaving, but I remember being so unhappy, and I didn’t understand why. But again, it goes back to self worth, loving yourself and not being still enough to understand what’s going on inside of you and around you. Realizing that I needed purpose, and that sense of purpose to feel purposeful, happy and to love myself. Because when we’re purposeful and we’re doing something that’s making a difference, then we start to realize our worth, and we start to embrace who we are and love ourselves. And it just kind of all goes together. But yeah, you gotta be still. Before going through all of this, I would never ever have dreamed of meditating because I had always considered myself a busy bee. I’m always moving, always doing something too.
Kim Sutton: You know what? It didn’t work for me when I first tried because there was too much in my head. I had to learn how to listen to my gut, in my heart, that’s the best way I can say. I listen to my heart during meditation, and the tone brings me into my breathing. That’s actually something that I learned on the podcast, because, yes, yes. But I was always too much in my head, and I would get upset because my head wouldn’t be quiet, and people are talking about quieting your mind. My mind will not be quieted.
Simone Allison: Listen, a lot of people think that meditation has to be sitting still, and in this meditative position with your, an easy pose, not necessarily. You can meditate walking in nature.
Kim Sutton: Absolutely.
Simone Allison: Sometimes, we don’t realize that we can meditate on walking in nature and just being within, get going within, because that’s how the mind gets still. Whatever you can do to get the mind still, do it. Whether it’s taking a bath, a bubble bath and getting still there. You don’t have to be in an easy post to get the mind still, you don’t.
Kim Sutton: I had to start journaling again. I found that that works amazing for me when I end my day with journaling and when I start my day with journaling Especially ending the day getting everything that’s on my mind out so I can sleep. It’s amazing. Because usually, there’s things that I don’t want to forget. But I also have really begun the gratitude practice at the end of the day. I would say that’s another form of meditation as well. I want to go back to what you were saying though, I found that I was always asking myself, what can I do to make them happy? What can I do to make them happy? How can I make this better? But then in self reflection, I was like, some of my critical needs are not being met. I would love, and text messaging came about while you’re married. It wasn’t there at the beginning. Just a random, how are you doing messages during the day, or a kiss before you leave for work, or a kiss when he gets home from work. And when I brought those things up, despite me constantly thinking, what can I do for him? What can I do to make this better? His response was, those things don’t matter to me. Well, they matter to me.
Even going today, just this morning, I actually saw a tweet just this morning, and I retweeted it and put my own thoughts on, you’ll find time for what’s important to you. And for everything else, you’ll find excuses. I’ve decided that for 2020 and beyond, I find time for what’s important. And the rest, I just say no. But a big part of growing up for me and for moving into this new life, the life that I left behind with the first husband was that, I need to express what I need. I need to express what I want, because nobody is mind reader’s. I mean, from everything, from meals, I mean, I had to tell my husband: “I don’t ever want to see another cold cut sandwich.” Silly things like that. And he puts Miracle Whip on instead of Manny’s. I’m like: “Sweetie, I do not like Miracle Whip on.” But how was he supposed to know? Or don’t wake me up at 5:00 o’clock in the morning because you’re horny. He wouldn’t know that. That is like not acceptable to me unless I actually said it. And my clients don’t know what’s not acceptable to me unless I say so. I am excited that you are excited about this brand new idea that you had for your business at 4:00 o’clock this morning while you’re at the gym. But do not text me, send me an email or wait until 9:00 o’clock to text me. Because waking me up with a text at 4:00 o’clock in the morning is not going to make me a happy team member.
Simone Allison: That’s the thing, and it’s so important. Yes, that’s a great point. It’s so important to speak your needs. You got to let them know how you feel, you have to. The thing is I didn’t either. I was the type that, in the relationship, I ran from confrontation. I didn’t want to rock the boat, I just didn’t like it. I didn’t like any uneasiness in the relationship. I didn’t like anything, you know, I just didn’t like it.
Kim Sutton: To avoid a confrontation, I’m just going to say that. I left lies behind with my marriage. I decided I was never going to tell another lie. And okay, I’ve had to, when it comes to Christmas and birthdays, there are white lies. But beyond that, no, no more lies. But I found that I was avoiding confrontation by lying and giving him the answers he wanted, instead of the ones I knew needed to be said.
Simone Allison: Mm hmm. Well, if that’s the thing, it comes in all forms. It really does. It comes in all forms, and it boils down to not, and that’s women for you. Again, it’s just not wanting to rock the boat and just wanting things to just be peaceful. We want peace so we take more than we should. And sometimes, it takes getting the hard knocks to really realize that you need to speak your truth. You need to stand up for what you believe in, and let others know how you really feel. Because that’s the thing, though. I think that we still have remnants of that culturally, that for women, we have to like keep the peace. When you look back in history, women didn’t have a lot of rights. Historically, we didn’t have the right to vote, and we had to fight for that. So when you look back historically, this was going on, and we still have remnants of that. Sometimes we’re afraid of rocking the boat, we’re afraid of speaking our truth.
And a lot of us, and I know for me, I can speak for me, I saw that growing up where in our household, my mom always tried to keep the peace. She never really spoke her truth. My dad always ended up being the one to have the last day, so it’s important to not be hard on yourself and be compassionate, and kind with yourself, and realize that a lot of this behavior is modeled. We model this from what we’ve seen from our own household. And just recognizing that and knowing that we need to heal those aspects of ourselves so that we can live fully and happily. How are we going to be happy for not speaking our truth and getting what we want in a relationship. So yeah, definitely finding your voice, that’s huge. So yeah, I agree. And a lot of us go through that though. But recognizing that it is really not something to be ashamed of, but just to embrace it, and recognize it, and try to start changing that pattern where you are speaking your truth, you are standing up for yourself, you are standing up for what you believe in. Especially your significant other who knows what you expect in that relationship, and letting them know that you’re not going to stand for it for anything less. That’s okay. But again, it boils down to self worth.
Kim Sutton: Amen. I was looking at an email this morning. Admittedly, I received a follow up email that you haven’t yet responded to this email, can we please have a response? And I composed a draft about a week and a half ago, a draft response. I turned 40 a year ago, so it’ll be 41 this year. But I am finally, I want people to know this. This just doesn’t necessarily happen overnight. I don’t like the word adult, I’m just saying it. I feel like I’m finally growing up. I don’t care for adulting much. I feel like I’m finally understanding my worth, I’m finally being competent enough to voice my worth. And I was really proud of myself. Because I was working on the draft this morning. Sometimes, I realized very often, I’ve realized that the first thoughts that often come out of my head and go into an email are often very emotional. And when I let the emotions get into the way, they have a tendency to make me look weak. I’m not saying that it’s not good to express emotions, I’m not saying that at all. But this is a business matter, and I need to be very frank.
Up until last year, I didn’t feel like I had the power to stand up for myself when the rules of the game were changed. Let me just put it that way. I mean, even this morning, I put into the email, and this felt so good to say, I consulted with my attorney and, this was just full disclosure, this was a client relationship gone bad. I consulted with my attorney and, and I felt so good to say that because, do away with the doormat, like ditch the doormat version of you. Yes, I have consulted with an attorney because I am not going to be stepped over all the time anymore. I could have said the same thing to the first husband, I talked to my attorney and, and I actually did. Now that I recall, I had gone for one of those free consultations that you can get from just about any attorney in the phonebook. I consulted with my attorney and that’s all you got to say. You insert whatever you need to after that. But I’m ditching the doormat this year, she’s not welcome back in my life ever. Does that mean I’m not going to be an empath ever again? No. But I want you all to remember, and will soon you’re an entrepreneur now, we could take on everybody’s personal problems as our own, we could be giving away thousands of hours for free helping other people to fix their lives, to fix their businesses, but we can also reclaim that time and be creating content that will help millions of people instead of just one. I know this is turning from female empowerment in regards to your significant others and spouses to female empowerment and businesses, but I see it in both places. We have to step up and stand up for ourselves. And if you don’t feel like you can get it on your own, then get a coach.
Simone Allison: Absolutely.
Kim Sutton: Or get an accountability partner, because there are people who will hold you accountable, who will proofread your emails before you send them. It will have your back when you get that nasty grammar response that you weren’t quite expecting, but you knew was probably coming. There are people who will let you cry for a second and then will kick your butt to keep on going because it’s not going to get any better if you go back to bed.
Simone Allison: Oh, yeah, absolutely. Listen, a lot of times, people don’t realize that coaches have coaches, therapists have therapists, it’s necessary. I mean, we all are human, we’re human. We need guidance, we need help. You can’t be afraid to get a coach if you need help in business, or if you need help in your marriage, or in your life, getting things together in your life. Choosing a direction, a purpose in life, if you need help, you can’t be afraid to ask. And it’s not a sign of weakness. I don’t see it as a sign of weakness.
Kim Sutton: I think it’s a sign of strength.
Simone Allison: Absolutely. It’s a sign of strength. And knowing that there is help out there, and you can get the help that you need to get to where you want to be. So yeah, I’m all about it. And definitely, I mean, coaches, again, coaches have coaches, therapists have therapists, it’s part of it and it’s part of us growing and getting to where we need to be in life. So definitely, do what you have to do to get to where you need and want to be. And should be, because it is your divine right to have everything that you want. So don’t be afraid to reach out for a coach, or a therapist, or whatever you need to get things straight for you.
Simone Allison: And if the first one doesn’t work, then go get a new one.
Simone Allison: Absolutely.
Kim Sutton: I found that I just need to put this in there. We did try marriage counseling. But I found that even though she wasn’t presently in the room, my mother, my ex mother in law was always present in our marriage counseling sessions.
Simone Allison: Physically present?
Kim Sutton: No. Through my ex’s mouth, okay, her thoughts and opinions were always in our marriage counseling sessions. I remember looking around one day and just saying: “Is she here? Is she my spouse? No? Well, then I don’t really care what she thinks.” But the therapist wanted to hear. I’m like, look, unless you want me to go bring my mother into this conversation, this is our marriage counseling session. So either keep her out of it, or we will go find a different therapist.
Simone Allison: Absolutely. And that’s the thing too. I can share stories similar to that too, with my mother in law, my ex mother in law. But the thing is, recognizing that where that person is affecting the relationship, basically, that person is a third person in there and really shouldn’t be in there. So setting those boundaries in the relationship and saying, listen, this is our marriage, or this is our relationship. And yes, your mother is close to you. Yes, you do love your mother. I have utmost love for her too. But at the same time, she is not in this marriage. I’m not married to her. So setting those boundaries are very important. Because if not, then that’s going to add to the mix. It’s going to add to the mix, and the marriage will get affected. I guarantee it.
Kim Sutton: I have a friend who’s sister-in-law went on his honeymoon with him.
Simone Allison: Oh, wow.
Kim Sutton: And she would invite herself along to the family vacations, like, heck, no. Draw the line from the beginning, this is our honeymoon.
Simone Allison: But why didn’t she say something? Maybe she should have said something too?
Kim Sutton: Well, I have to say, because he never expressed his opinion. And then they got divorced. And then he had no problem express or anything. I think, if we just start every single new relationship with setting clear expectations and boundaries, whether it be a business relationship, or a love relationship, or even a friendship, set those boundaries, set those expectations straight from the start.
Simone Allison: Absolutely.
Kim Sutton: A lot of these problems would be absolutely here.
Simone Allison: And that’s something that I’m very big on as well. It’s not only taking back your power and finding your voice, but it’s also setting those limits. We need those boundaries, everybody needs it, kids need boundaries, we all need boundaries.. Boundaries,help us to get the self respect that we deserve. Boundaries help us to identify our relevance, and our who we are, and our worth, and we grow in confidence by setting boundaries. If we don’t set those boundaries, then other people will step on us. It will happen. We won’t get what we really want, we won’t get what we want, and we definitely want what we want. So setting those boundaries are crucial. You have to set those boundaries so that others know where you stand. And like you said, it’s in all areas of your life. It can be a friendship, it can be with your mom, it can be with your cousin, it can be with your significant other. Setting those boundaries are crucial. Like you said, the faster you set them, the better. Because what you’re doing is setting the tone. And when you set the tone, other people know from the outset what you will and will not take.
And what I have to say, in the past before my soul grew exponentially through all of this, I didn’t speak my truth either. I didn’t set those boundaries, and I gave my power away and I didn’t find my voice. But again, we learned this, and we learned through the hard lessons. We learned that we have to set those boundaries. And if we don’t, then the outcome is not going to be pretty. But just recognizing it and putting it into practice, making a conscious effort to start setting the limits, recognizing, oh, my god, look at that? She just did this, or that. Or he just did this, or that, and it’s stepping on my boundaries. You can’t just set boundaries, you have to know what your boundaries are, what you stand for. Know what you stand for, know who you are, what you stand for and then you can set those boundaries. And that’s why it’s important to really go within, and know who you really are and what you stand for your personal truths so that you can know what you will and will not take.
Kim Sutton: We’re just listening to your gut come into how you live today.
Simone Allison: Trusting my gut took a while. But now I can safely say that I trust my intuition fully. But again, that came from me, it came through meditation. Because now, my mind is more still than it was three years ago. Now, I can actually hear my soul speaking to me. My soul was speaking to me before, but things were so loud, busy and crazy that I didn’t hear it. So your soul is like your, it’s all it’s all the same word really. Soul, intuition, your gut, it’s all the same. It all stems from that. Just trusting your essence, your soul. So trusting your intuition took awhile for me. But now, I can say I trust my intuition fully. I know that when a thought arises in my head, if it’s based on my beliefs, and my truths, my personal truths, then I go with it. Now I trust what others show me. I don’t second guess and say, well, maybe, I’m wrong. Maybe I’m jumping the, maybe I’m overthinking this, maybe I trust what others show me, I trust when someone steps over my boundaries and does something to hurt me in some way, or says something and tries to hurt me in a specific way. I trust that. I trust what my soul is telling me, but it does take time.
Kim Sutton: Thank you for clarifying that, because I was thinking about it on the other side that somebody’s showing you the good side and you’re believing. But I really appreciate that you clarified that because people’s actions know so much. And thank you because, I mean, early in my relationship with my now husband, Dave, I got this gut feeling one day that something was off. He had broken a date that we had been looking forward to for weeks. And I just felt something was off. I’m not going to get into the full details of the story, but we ended up breaking up for three or four months due to some things that hadn’t transpired. But something in my gut kept on saying, nope, this is the guy for you. So like every single night when I slept, I jumped up at him to this day, how many years later is it? So my first husband and I met in 1996. To the state, never even while we are dating, married long distance relationships being never had a dream about my first husband.
To this day, even in nightmares after I left him. But every single night while I was separated from my now husband, I jumped about them. So I was like, I have to do this. And I was right on that. But now, it’s been brought into my business as well. And I have to say that even with my first husband, my gut was telling me to leave. My instinct was telling me to leave, but my head, and it’s done this in my business too, was telling me to stay for the money, stay with a bad client for the money. Because you need the money, Kim. Or stay with the ex husband until he is still you’re eligible for, to receive some of his pension and his social security. You just had the last one more year. I talked to my dad about it, and my dad and I have a strained relationship forever. He said: “Is your happiness worth staying one more year?” I was out four months later because I realized that sacrificing my happiness and my boy’s happiness is not worth the sacrifice anymore. And then in my business, I also realized that giving up by not listening to my gut and staying for the money that I was sacrificing other potential clients. The clients that I wanted to be working with that I know are great people. I’ve started working with a few of them, and they actually told me:”Yeah, I wasn’t going to work with you while you were working with this person.” But I wouldn’t let it go because of the money.
Simone Allison: Right. When you live in alignment with your personal truth and who you really are, then you begin to attract what you deserve. If you had remained in that relationship, and if I had remained in our relationship or previous relationships, then we wouldn’t get what we deserve. That’s why it’s so important to really know who you are, and know your worth. So that you say to yourself, okay, this is not in alignment with who I am and what I deserve. I’m leaving. I’m done. That’s it. But yeah, trusting your intuition is so crucial because it’s your soul speaking to you saying, listen, this is not for you. I know my soul was telling me that, I remember. And I think that was part of why, now that I look back, it’s part of why I was so unhappy. Because my soul kept saying, this is not the relationship for you, you know that. This is not it. You want something else, you want something deeper, more connected. You want a relationship that’s reciprocal, not one sided. You want a healthy loving relationship. And so that was my intuition, but I chose not to listen for many years. And again, I was so unhappy, but I didn’t get it. I just didn’t get it. I didn’t get why. But again, it boils down to self worth. I guarantee you, now, I know who I am, what I’m worth, and I won’t accept anything less. And that’s what I am passionate about helping women discover themselves, discover their worth, and embrace it and know what they deserve so they can get everything that they want in this life.
Kim Sutton: You have me over here cracking up, not because of what you’re saying, but I’m just thinking about memories that I haven’t thought about for years.
Simone Allison: Wonderful.
Kim Sutton: They cracked me up now even though they pissed me off then. I was eight and a half months pregnant with child number one, and we were driving down the New York State thruway. If anybody has ever driven down the New York State thruway, if you get off, you’re off. And then there’s limited rest stops on the thruway itself, and I wanted ice cream. I’m eight and a half months pregnant, give me my ice cream, right? He looked at me and he’s like: “No, you’ve gained enough weight already.” Now, admittedly, I mean, I have five year old twins. No, I am not Julia Roberts. I did not get back to size, like within two months of having twins. And the stress helped me gain a lot of weight too. I’m making excuses here, and I’m working on eliminating the stress. But my husband now, he’s like, Oh, I love you. No matter what size you are. And he saw at the store, Nutella, he knows I love Nutella. It was right there. He picked it up and brought it home. You’re eliminating zero stress, the weights gonna continue coming off. I know you like to eat it. That’s what we need.
Simone Allison: Someone to accept us for who we are.
Kim Sutton: Yeah. And when you got a nine pound, six ounce baby and you, you can get your freakin ice cream. Don’t let anybody tell you, no. You need someone to accept you for who you are.
Simone Allison: It’s true. But the thing is, Kim, you were able to see that now. And you were able to attract someone who gave you that because you love yourself and you know your worth. And that’s why now, you were able to attract that relationship into your life. The universe gave you what you deserve, what you knew you deserved, and then you attracted it. Because, hey, I know my worth. I love it.
Kim Sutton: For women who are listening, and I have to say like, I always wanted to talk about this more on my podcast and on my blog. But knowing where I came from, I was always concerned about putting women who might be in a relationship. Like I was into jeopardy with their phone searches, or their computer searches. Now, women who are listening, if you are going through something like this, I want you to know, just open up a new incognito browser, and in a moment, I’m going to have Simone share where you can go to learn more about her. But if you need to, we’re here to support you. You don’t need to feel like you’ve got to hide everything that you do. Open up an incognito browser, I think that should work if somebody knows otherwise, please put a comment down below. But there are safe ways to get help to reach the next level in your life and reach the happiness that you deserve. But someone with that said, where can our awesome listeners who may very much need your support go to learn more about you, and what you do, and just connect.
Simone Allison: Okay, you know what? Let me just say, Kim, on that note, if anyone is in a dangerous situation, any domestic violence going on? There is a 100 number that I’d love to share. It’s the National Domestic Violence Hotline, that’s 1-800-799-7233.
Kim Sutton: Thank you.
Simone Allison: Okay. If there’s any also dating, violence teen dating violence, the hotline is 1-866-331-9497. That way, you get the help that you need. And you distance yourself from something that doesn’t serve you, doesn’t grow you and is only causing you pain. But my website is empowerherbysimone.com. You can find me there, and you can also find me on Facebook, but primarily on Instagram. I love Instagram. That’s my favorite social platform, and you can find me under Simone Allison. I think that’s it. And my book is Disempowered No More: A Spiritual Journey to Discovering Purpose, Power and Passion After Divorce.
Kim Sutton: Incredible, and all those links, everything, everywhere that you can find Simone. So if you’re trying not to burn your curry, want to follow up or driving, head on over to thekimsutton.com/pp670. You can find all the links right there. I would also love to hear what you have received out of this episode, how we have supported you and how you plan to take what you heard today and implement it into your own life. So make sure to leave a comment down below. Simone, thank you so much for what you are doing. Actually, I didn’t even ask you, how are you working with your clients today?
Simone Allison: I’m working with them one on one, and I’m also working with them in a group online program. So they can find that all on my website, all the informations there. I would love to help you and get you to where you want to be. The thing is, it’s a journey. It’s a journey, but recognize that you are stronger than you think. And we all are. But it’s a journey, and knowing that it all boils down to knowing your worth, loving yourself and attracting all you deserve.
