PP 666: How to Kick the Buts with Susan Dascenzi

“Our brain is like a computer. It’s like a hard drive. It’s a storage unit. And it only has a nature and a goal that are the same and that’s caring about the survival of the body. It will do whatever it takes to make sure that your physical form — your body — is in survival mode 100% of the time.” – Susan Dascenzi

When Susan Dascenzi and I hopped on a quick call to catch up, I had no clue it was going to lead into me getting an incredible coaching session. But, when it started getting good, I knew I had to take it to the airwaves so my community could benefit as well.

Listen as Susan and I dig deep into my money mindset issues, my struggle with procrastination and consistency, and a comparison of reward vs consequence goal setting methods.

Highlights:
04:20 Procrastination and lack of motivation
06:21 How we take the world in
07:34 Broken promises
08:40 The programs that are downloaded
12:11 Avoidance
12:48 The next level
15:27 Mixed feelings about winning
17:46 Our brain vs. our mind
23:44 Rewards vs. consequences
34:28 Consistency
35:56 How to kick the buts
38:21 A worth issue
42:51 Boundaries

Resources:

Episode with Fred West
Next Level You Weekly Spreadsheet
Episode with Lauren Zander
Kim’s YouTube
Secret to Loving Yourself – Guide to Emotional Resiliency

Inspirational Quotes:

“There’s so much uncertainty in a lot of people’s lives — because of everything going on — that they have no idea how to keep hold of the big picture and big vision because all of the other stuff seems so endless right now.” – Susan Dascenzi

“I realized that there was a problem with my consistency and there was a problem with my actions.” – Kim Sutton

“Our brain is like a computer. It’s like a hard drive. It’s a storage unit. And it only has a nature and a goal that are the same and that’s caring about the survival of the body. It will do whatever it takes to make sure that your physical form — your body — is in survival mode 100% of the time.” – Susan Dascenzi

“First step is, you gotta be aware.” – Susan Dascenzi

“We’re a sum of everything that we’ve experienced up to this point so how can we dismiss the experiences that we’ve had in childhood, and our young adult years, and our earlier years of being an adult, and not recognize that those experiences and some of the stuff we learned had impact on us and kinda created some of the programs that are downloaded and kinda operating from a sometimes conscious, most the times subconscious level.” – Susan Dascenzi

“II know that consistency is the biggest thing holding me and my company and me personally back.” – Kim Sutton

About Susan Dascenzi:

Over the last 27 years as a Licensed Therapist and Visionary Coach, Susan Dascenzi has assisted others in navigating the path of the human experience. All of the experiences of the past create challenges and roadblocks that get in the way of becoming the best and highest version of you…of living with an inner freedom and peace that is your birthright.

Today, Susan is a speaker, author and visionary coach, as well as the host of The Spiritually Expressed Human podcast.

• Website: https://www.susandascenzi.com/
• Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/sdascenzi
• Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/susandascenzi
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sdascenzi1/
• LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/susandascenzi

EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION: SUSAN DASCENZI

Transcript not yet cleaned up, but thanks for checking it out!

Kim Sutton: Welcome back to another episode of Positive Productivity. Holy moly. I am so excited about today’s episode number one because we’re doing this video so if you are listening on Apple podcasts or your favorite audio player, be sure to head on over to YouTube subscribe to my channel there will be a link in the show notes which you can find at thekimsutton.com/pp666.

My friend, Susan Dascenzi, is brave enough to take on episode 666. It was a spur of the moment decision yesterday as a result of awesome conversation.

Kim Sutton: And I just need to be a little bit transparent really fast. Number one, we’re recording this and you know, I don’t usually like the timestamp — I think I have lipstick on my teeth by the way and that will be staying in — We’re recording this in July 2020. So in the midst of the pandemic, we’ll keep this political and you know all that free but we’re at home.

My kids are at home they’re in the next room fighting over Roblox or Minecraft or whatever they’re playing today. It’s hot. Susan and I are both sweaty. You know, so bear with us when we have to take a drink or anything like that.

Kim Sutton: But we were talking yesterday, and the whole reason I brought that up –and Susan, I don’t normally go this long but — we connected and what’s so important in these times is to connect with your friends, your family, your fellow colleagues, your, your business besties.

Just reach out, because the best way to get through these times is through the connection. That’s what I’ve really found.

Kim Sutton: But Susan, I love having you here. Could you… Well, could you just introduce yourself because I just skipped over that whole part.

Susan Dascenzi: Oh, Kim, thank you so much for being here. I’m so excited to be here on positive productivity. You know, I first of all, okay, I’m a licensed psychotherapist. Let’s get that out of out of the way, right, because that’s the titles and the labels and all that, you know, fun stuff. I’m a licensed psychotherapist, I’m a spiritual and emotional resiliency coach. And I really work to help people through all of those things that hold them back. So just like now with everything going on in the world today, it’s even more prevalent in people’s lives, that they’re being held back because Some things are totally out of their control. So I’m super excited to be here. Thank you for having me. I’m so excited to jump in that I forgot to give the disclaimer that to our parental listeners, if you’re listening with young kids and don’t want them to learn any four letter cuss words, this is probably an episode that you should save to later. It’s not going to be offensive, hopefully to your ears, but I certainly don’t want to teach any more keyword any more kids four letter words, and I’m sure Susan doesn’t want either.

So I almost introduced I was writing down Susan’s job title in zoom chat, you know, everybody positive productivity is not about perfection, but I wrote. She’s also the host of kick your butts and the spiritually expressed human but I almost wrote the spiritually sex pressed human, which was so funny because used to be a sex therapist, but that’s actually where we’re not going today. Susan, I want to I want to have you back for a second episode because I just want to jump into how we started talking. Yesterday I asked Susan to help me with a challenge. We actually just got on to zoom yesterday to, to just catch each other up with what’s been going on. But I expressed and I know you, the listener may be feeling this that in this time we know what we have to do. We know what we want to do we know what the big picture goal outcome looks like. But for some reason, it’s so damn freakin hard to get off the effing couch and get our gears in motion, like actually do the work and I’ve been experiencing that myself, heads up to everybody that I’m speaking at the pod fest global summit next month on Pinterest for podcasters. And I’ve been talking about this course for a month. So I said this Susan helped me out with this. And then we started talking and then I was like, Can we take this to a podcast? But yeah, can you address that? Spend a little bit like Why? Or can you follow up on our conversation yesterday? Like, a little bit about what we talked about?

Oh, absolutely. You know, in this time, procrastination and lack of motivation have always been issues for a lot of people, right? Even for myself, you know, I’m, I may do what I do for a living because it’s my passion and I’m good at it. I’m still human. And so I still suffer from the negative thoughts in my head or a lack of motivation or, you know, wanting this thing out here, but really not understanding why I’m feeling like I can’t, I can’t or I’m not getting there, you know. And so, we were talking yesterday about this fact that you’re struggling a little bit with some procrastination and lack of motivation when this course is such a passion for you. And I’m seeing that so much right now because there’s so much uncertainty and a lot of people’s lives because of everything going on. They have no idea how to keep hold of the big picture. And that big vision because all the other stuff seems so endless right now. Right? Like there’s no real certainty there’s no quote unquote back to our old normal or even an understanding of the new normal. And, and so it became clear that part of it has to do with how we take the world in. Right and and the experiences that we have when we’re younger, or growing up that kind of create these downloaded programs. So don’t sort of so to speak, that are stuck and running constantly in the back of our mind. And so we can have this idea that we want to get this course done, and we want to work on it. That’s a want, but then we get stuck in this program that’s running that kind of stops us and there’s this total disconnect, and we don’t know why. So Then we start beating ourselves up and blaming ourselves,

which is exactly what was happening to me yesterday. I mean to the point. I mean, you saw me yesterday, I wasn’t showered, I look like poop, no makeup. And I was feeling like I looked, I gotta just gotta be totally honest. I felt like I had been beat to hell. And I think I was putting so much pressure on myself. But at the same time, I realized that there was a problem with my consistency and there’s a problem with my actions. And in talking to you, I realized, okay, you know, this really was set up from childhood. There were so many promises made as a child that were never carried through. And my, my parents did amazing jobs as parents, but there were times that they promise things that didn’t happen. So I started to get used to promises not happening and I and I feel guilty about it. I need to release that guilt. But even through my, my journey, as a parent, I’ve promised my kids things and then not Gone or hasn’t gone through. I’ve, I’ve seen like bright shiny lights and lots of money coming in when this problem project goes as the client says it’s going to go. And then it doesn’t go. So my family and I are thinking, Oh my gosh, we’re finally going to have lots of money, but we just got screwed over $25,000 or more, you know, so I, I had that aha yesterday of Am I doing this and just gonna let myself down again. But how am I gonna know if I don’t just do the damn work already? kick my butts. Right.

Susan Dascenzi: Right. Exactly. Well, and that’s the thing. I mean, we can’t know the programs that are kind of downloaded and I talk about it from like a, you know, kind of a computer perspective because so many people just kind of get that right. They work on computers, they get that when you turn it on, you know, you have to type on the keyboard right? You have to pull up the program and go to work in it like Like a word program or a PowerPoint program or a music program, it just doesn’t do it all by itself. And, and we don’t realize that our brain and our mind hold things very differently. And so what happens is just like you said, you have these experiences as a kid, where maybe your parents were amazing parents. And at the same time, they kind of weren’t consistent, and they disappointed you and your siblings, maybe a lot because they said they would do XYZ and they didn’t. And so you learned that that was okay. And so that kind of program, promise it and then sometimes it doesn’t happen and no follow through happens is kind of okay. Does that mean you agree with it? And so then it kind of gets stored away in the mind, right and subconscious and it continues to drive things forward. We just go along and grow up as adults. And we’re like, why can’t I do this? Why do I keep picking the same kind of person in a relationship? Why am I not consistent? Why do I procrastinate, you know, like, you could plug anything in, right? And we keep doing it. And we don’t know why. And so all we have is like this present moment to like, blame ourselves and say, well, it must be me, I’m doing something wrong, or, you know, what’s wrong with me that I can’t figure this out or stop this, I really want this and part of that has to deal you know, is is part of that as this human being, we have this nature and goal on this kind of mind consciousness side. And there’s these two competing pieces, right? that happen that that cause us to want or hope or wish for something, but then we kind of fear the loss of it. Like I want to finish this program. But what if I don’t? Does that make sense?

Kim Sutton: Oh, yeah, absolutely. And you know, and I know a lot of listeners know I’m a gamer. Well, I don’t know if you do that, you know that my husband’s a video game designer? Yeah, I’m a I’m a gamer, and I’m a very addictive personality. So our power went out. A couple nights ago, there was a storm in our Oh, no, not our power internet. Even worse, I would rather be without all power, then without just the internet. Right?

Susan Dascenzi: Right.

Kim Sutton: Okay. So looking for ways to keep the family entertained. And I downloaded was my middle daughter. A couple of games on my phone. And then over the, so there’s just three days ago, over the course of the next two days, including yesterday, I was glued to these games. It’s like why did you just spend 10 hours playing merge dragons. Don’t download it listeners. Do not Downloaded, I’m on level 158 already, you know, it’s only been three days when you could have been even without internet, I could have been recording courses.

Susan Dascenzi: Right, but it’s an avoidance because if I don’t really know how to deal with the other stuff I feel so let me… Can I ask you a question?

Kim Sutton: Yes, please.

Susan Dascenzi: Okay, so what were some of the thoughts that you were having when you first went to download that game? And then after a while, a short while of playing it, you started to have the thought, like, Oh, I should try to do some work or I any of the shoulds any of I suppose to Why should I better? Like do you remember any of those thoughts?

Kim Sutton: Well, I felt guilty, but it’s what I think I was feeling more was I just want to reach the next level. I just want to reach the next level. I just take it to the next level. But I want to take what I feel towards these stupid games. Okay, that was an Intel I realize and I want to put the next Level into my business right into my personal life. I want to take that that feeling of winning out of the electronics and into my business and into my personal life like losing even diet and exercise when I lose another pound that’s taking it to the next level.

Susan Dascenzi: Yeah. Okay, so let me Okay, so you’re okay with a little light kind of coaching right now?

Kim Sutton: Oh, yea! That’s why I wanted you to come on. I want people to hear how awesome you are because I’m working through it right now.

Positive productivity does not mean perfection I had to meet so I could burp.

Susan Dascenzi: Yeah, I just muted so I could cough because they didn’t want it not because I was worried about it being on but because it be so flippin loud, man. Okay, so what did you think you were going to get when you were like, I just want to get the next level.

What did you think you’d get?

Kim Sutton: I didn’t even think about it. Just the next level.

Susan Dascenzi: Okay, well think about it now.

Kim Sutton: Oh better dragons.

Susan Dascenzi: Better dragons. Okay, so what is it better? It’s a game true but this is so relevant in our lives

Kim Sutton: so better j better dragons give me more land which gets me more loot.

Susan Dascenzi: Okay, so I get this more and more stuff which increases my power in the game right right okay so think about this just from this really simple perspective then it’s a game you know it’s not real you’re not a flippin dragon and and getting more levels doesn’t mean shit right right but now in life you could be taking your business to the next level but that’s not pretend that’s real right so what happens is there’s a fear that kicks into place the game is fantasy The game is fun The game is some is ways you can distract and avoid because you can get the feeling that I’m more than I’m worthy. I’m I’ve reached this level. I’m enough. All these things kinds of things. But because it’s fantasy, it’s easy. And it’s easy to get caught up in because we want more of that, right? I want that I want that feeling. But now you apply it to real life. And real life is like, Oh shit. If I get that next level in my life, that it means what? What would it mean for you if you reach that next level in your business?

I think that’s where the when the mixed feelings come in, because what I would love to be doing is out speaking and inspiring and giving hope to entrepreneurs. But that means going out and speaking more, which means missing more in my house. And I gave up you and I have talked money like I gave up so much over the last four years because I was I was so committed to the business. I mean, I was, for lack of a better way to put it I was having an affair with a client, not a sexual affair, but because I was giving that client more time than I was giving my own. family in my own husband, like there was, there was just to make it clear, I just want to make this perfectly clear there was no physical or emotional, like, Can like love affair of any kind that are yet nothing like that. But it was just the act of committing all that time to this person’s work instead of giving. I mean, I was skipping out on soccer games like not walking my kids to school, not reading them books, not even sitting at the table for dinner. So the thought of going back to a place where I’m not here like I am now is a little bit scary because I don’t want to see myself slipped back into that pattern of not being here. I mean, a nearly cost me my marriage like we were talking about divorce 10 months ago.

Susan Dascenzi: Right. So see you what i hear you saying is that you’d be afraid that if you reach that next level that you could risk lose a fear of loss. So So can I take just a minute to like super, super Quickly I go into a whole lot more depth and how to really implement and stuff. But just as a real basic kind of understanding, can I take just a minute or two to kind of explain this thing of how we take the world in? Yeah, please. Okay, because this will make so much sense with what you just said, then, you know, especially for for you listening out there, okay. So are, let’s just talk for a second about the two sides of us as a human being okay? And we’re not even going to go to the spiritual place. I mean, I have a podcast called the spiritually expressed human that’s launching in a couple weeks. My second one, and it’s about kind of that full embodiment, but I don’t want to go to that place yet because that’s not relevant to you get the basics down. Our brain is like a computer. It’s like a hard drive. It’s a storage unit. And it only has a nature and a goal that are the same and that’s caring about the survival of the body. It will do whatever it takes to make sure Your physical form, your body is in survival mode 100% of the time, your brain doesn’t care if you love or lost or felt rejected or got hurt or lost a job, your brain doesn’t even think like that. Right? There’s no thoughts. It just runs the system. So it’s like a huge operating system. But then we have this mind side, you can call it whatever you want. Let’s call it like mind and consciousness. There we have a nature and a goal to on the human side and our nature. And all you have to do is look at your beautiful babies. And recall when they were babies and see this, then and still hopefully now, while maybe not so much as they hit teenagehood. And that’s that our nature is to love and be loved. That’s our nature. Now our goal is feedback, some form of feedback, like acknowledgement, approval, acceptance, awareness, validation. Does that make sense?

Absolutely.

Susan Dascenzi: All right. So now, there’s these Two pieces. Here’s the problem. And this is what you were just talking about why this is happening. There are these two pieces that are in competition with each other 100% of the time for that feedback. And that’s a hope for gain, and a fear of loss. Now, I’m not talking fear, like, Oh my gosh, I’m terrified. Somebody’s following me. I’m talking about like what you just said, I want to go out and speak more. I want to have this next level in my business. But I’m afraid that if I do that, then I may go back to a place where my marriage is at risk of potential loss. You fear that loss, or you just fear that you don’t want the problems, right. You don’t want to have an argument with your husband, you don’t want to miss out on your children’s lives. So there’s this competing stuff that’s happening. You hope for this, you want this you wish this and at the same time, there’s that fear of what’s going to happen if and we see it a lot in like dating relationships in the beginning, oh my god, he’s so hot. I hope he thinks that I’m dressed, okay. And he likes me. That’s a fear of loss. I called her and she said she’d be home and she wasn’t there. And then we get off and we, we leave our message. And then we’re like, well, maybe she wasn’t into me, a fear of loss. So these fears don’t have to be these big huge things, right? It’s really, really simple. But all these little downloaded programs that are running in our brain, and our mind is like the century of the guard, to all the incoming stuff that’s happening and making decisions about what it means. Just kind of stores it away in the brain’s little file folder system. And so anytime then, you’re playing the game, and you’re getting to the next level. It’s like, feels good, I got to the next level, I better, like I’m worthy. And I’m lovable and I’m valuable and I don’t mean to Specifically in the game, but you know what I mean? It gives you a little sense of that. Like, I’m powerful. I got to the next level, I’ve got more

great.

Susan Dascenzi: But then real life kicks in and it starts to kick your ass with that fear. Does that make sense?

Oh, absolutely. And you got me. You like putting together all these pieces that I didn’t realize were disconnected for four or five years, because I’m thinking about my first coach who’s a great friend, Fred West’s previous guests. I’ll put the link in the show notes. He asked me during one of our first calls, he says, Kim, what’s your zero? Because we’re talking about financial wellness. Like, what do you mean? He’s like, well, what, what dollar amount? Are you? Do you feel comfortable having in your bank account? It’s like, well, as long as it’s not red, I’m okay. All right, right. Oh, he’s like, we got to work on that. I was like, what he’s like, we gotta raise your zero. Like, I don’t want you to be happy. Being at zero, like, I want you to raise your zero to $10 or 220, or 250, or to 5000. But start raising your zero. And when you get under that point, then you start to feel uncomfortable. But your goal is not to get under that point. In full disclosure, my zero is no longer 00. That’s awesome. It’s I’m below my zero right now, but I’m not in the Oh, okay. Okay. But, but it’s no longer zero. I mean, if my zero was still zero, I would be in the red, you know, and it’s good to raise it because then you see what you got to do. But where I’m going at that is, I mean, so it’s funny that we’re talking about next level, I have my next level tracking spreadsheet, got it right here next to me. And my week starts on Thursday, just because that’s when I started it. But when I was printing out my new sheets yesterday, I put on the bottom line after talking to you that I need to have all star consistency and focus. Like that’s a new line. The whole point of the next level you A weekly spreadsheet is that I give myself experience points, like in video games. Yes. Nice. I give myself experience points for tracking and for doing certain actions. And my goal has been since I started this last fall to get to a 250 point week idea to do it. I want this sheet right here to be a 250 point week.

Susan Dascenzi: Okay, so what would you give yourself when you hit 250 points?

Well, I wanted to actually talk to you about that because

so I don’t know if you know her, but I had Lauren Zander on my show. Last year, she would actually be really good for your show. I’ll make sure to introduce you. Okay. And then I was also talking to Debbie a data whenever mutual acquaintances Love, love, love, Debbie. Yeah. So Lauren Zander was on the show, talking about personal integrity and keeping promises to yourself. And she actually uses a consequence, solution, like when she does something that she shouldn’t be doing or if she doesn’t do Something that she showed there’s a consequence. For example, She shared that she has a commitment to have sex with her husband six days a week or something like that? I would say no. And if she doesn’t, I think what she said was that if she didn’t do it, then she could not watch the most recent episode of whatever show she’s watching at that moment. And when we recorded this, the Game of Thrones was still on. I was like, Oh my gosh, if I had to miss the latest episode, and you can never she she can never go back and watch it. If she misses it, she misses it. Oh my gosh. There’s no way in hell I can tell myself anything, you know, had but took the consequence for six days a week of sex on my house. That’s just not going to happen. And I’ll never watch TV again. But then Debbie, and I were talking because I was gonna do a consequence for myself. And she’s like, well, I’m, I’m I work off of rewards more. Yeah. Have you seen anything in your work, which works better? Or is it all dependent upon the person?

Susan Dascenzi: Honestly, as you were saying that there was that part of me that was cringing, because because I’m a licensed therapist, I have been blessed. And so and unfortunately, in some ways, I say, unfortunately, because it means people are in pain, I would love to see my field be non existent and people not need therapists and coaches who can be that listening ear and really help move them through those blocks. I would love for all of us as humans to be able to just kind of self administer and self do this. But the truth is, is that look, even I get stuck in my own head. And no matter what I teach, experience, learn, grow, witness, whatever, we’re human, and we’re going to get caught up and stuff and layers of things are going to are going to come up and so you know, I have seen more often that people Self blame them when they kind of come at it from a consequential kind of place. Right? If I give myself this consequence and I don’t meet that then or I don’t want to follow through with the consequence then I feel even worse because I already feel bad about myself. So I think it’s kind of twofold. I like devy work more off reward because it’s it’s more when I’m struggling with something. I want to uplift myself I already frickin feel bad about something I don’t need to feel worse by then having another checkmark box in the column that says something else you didn’t do dumb ass right. And and I know that I might feel that way. So I kind of I totally agree with Devin was kind of cringing when you said that but and here’s my but is that I think it depends upon the person and like for Laura, because she’s that kind of person who works better. She’s honoring herself. And so I think there is no clear cut answer. I would say for the majority, it’s more reward based though, because you have to get to the to the root of kind of that downloaded. program so to speak, that’s running like you watching your parents consistently not following through. So it became easy for you to then not follow through. And as you started feeling the negative consequences of it, then you were like, Oh, shit, I don’t like this. Why is this happening and you start questioning it. So now, first step is you got to be aware. Right? So I think you have to be aware of the kind of person you are first also. I think it’s better to go more reward to say I hit my 250 point week this week. And so what can I do that would be Really kind of unique and special for myself, that would be a nice reward for me that I’d feel really good about and not just like going through the motions. When I hit that 250 and make it something really meaningful for you.

I think I’m going to set that right now I either want to go get a massage or go to the chiropractor. Oh, nice one or the other self care

rewards is the chiropractor, a self care because it’s kind of needed. Whereas the massage is really truly a treat.

Oh, both of them would be amazing rewards. Like No, I don’t need to go to the chiropractor, but the way it just relaxes me and goes. Oh, nice. Like, I have I haven’t gotten a massage besides the ones that my family gives me in like, a decade. Oh, nice. Actually, I can put a date on it. 17 years. It was within the month after my 17 year old was born. That’s the last time I’ve had like a real massage. So maybe that one, okay, I’m going to go for the massage

the massage. Okay, so what what will it mean to you them? And these are all important questions to ask yourself, right? Like, we really have to understand the meanings that we give things. So like, what would it mean to you? About you can as a person, if you hit your 250 points,

I’m resilient. And I can do whatever I set my mind to. I know you’re asking.

Yeah. And and are there any other thoughts you’d have about yourself? If you if you meet that 250

Dam, keep going, girl. Let’s do it again.

Okay, so you would see yourself more as a more resilient person, and you would see yourself as someone who’s consistent, what will happen and what do you think will you’ll think about yourself if you don’t meet the 250?

Try again next week. You know, me I’m not wanting to give up,

right? Oh, yeah, for sure. But are there other thoughts that You’d be saying in your head about the fact that you didn’t make the 250.

Yeah, because I just counted my score from this past weekend, it was 188. And I told myself, damn, if he would adjust, Ah, there you go. If you would have just, if you would have just

if you would have just, that’s the same as you should have, you’re supposed to, you ought to. And that’s the other thing is that we have all these expectations about ourselves and kind of the world and the people around us that we kind of learned to from maybe childhood or upbringing, or just our earlier years, it could be a year ago, it doesn’t have to mean that everything is like flipping childhood. I get a lot, you know, because I’m a therapist, people are like, Oh, you’re gonna analyze me? It’s like, No, I don’t analyze. They’re like, you’re gonna have me lay down on the couch and tell you my whole life story and blame everything on mom and dad. I’m like, No, and no offense. If that voice sounds like anybody out there I wasn’t mirroring anybody. But the truth is,

like, isn’t that you totally where

it’s like it’s not lay on the couch and tell me your whole life story and blame everything on mom and dad but Jesus man, we’re, we’re a sum of everything that we’ve experienced up to this point. So how can we dismiss the experiences that we’ve had in childhood and you know, young adult ears in our earlier years of being an adult and not recognize that those experiences and some of the stuff we learned had impact on us and kind of created some of the programs that are downloaded and kind of operating from a sometimes conscious most the time subconscious level? And then we wonder why and then we have the shoulds and I would have said that I should have and why denies and is that ever going to make anybody feel really good about themselves like I deserve that. Uh, sorry. When I hit 250 now if I’m focusing on oil got 188 I would have if I would have only just done this then I could have

I seriously like, you should have just ridden the bike and taken a shower after you talk to Susan yesterday and that would have been another four freakin points.

Susan Dascenzi: So you didn’t yesterday?

Kim Sutton: No, I never went live.

Susan Dascenzi: Okay, so I wanted to address that.

Kim Sutton: So actually, besides the 250 points, Debbie and I have a good, better best chart. So in five different areas for different areas, wealthy spiritual busybody. So that’s what it is w w spbs is what we we work off of cool. We have good goals, better goals and best goals for each day.

Susan Dascenzi: Nice.

Kim Sutton: And I told myself, so I have. I told myself if I hit all my goods in a certain week, then I have $20 to invest somewhere in the business. If I hit all my all my betters in a week, then it’s 50. If it’s best It’s 100 or something like that. I have yet to do that. So that’s my goal for this upcoming week because I totally botched it yesterday this week doesn’t count but let’s let’s forward think. And then I also have because my youtube channel is out and going now, and then I have kibitz for for listeners, you may not know that I’ve actually taken all the solo episodes that I used to have. I’m now doing solo, quote episodes although it’s video on YouTube every every morning, Monday through Friday. And I’ve told myself that if I can stick to this have my Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Facebook Lives have my daily YouTube lives and get my podcasts out and properly marketing every week. Not to scare you Susan, but that’s been a consistency issue with me. Okay, then, if I can stick to it for the month of August that I’m getting myself teeth whitener. I know that I just mean like the $50 bucks from Amazon. I’m not talking About a 1500 dollar dental treatment, right? If I can stick through with it through the end of September, then I’m getting a new microphone, something it doesn’t need to be up in my face. And if I can stick to it through the end of October, then another mutual connection Richie otay has a recommendation for an awesome digital camera, a Canon like nice, canon, it’s a $700 camera. Cool. It’s gonna freak my husband out when I get there. But I know that consistency is the biggest thing holding me and my company and me personally back. I mean, if I had been consistent with riding my bike and eating good, then I wouldn’t be at this weight. If I had been consistently getting out there and being visible and sharing what I do, then my business may not be as small as it is. So it’s that consistency and those Yeah, I’d already thought about the rewards. I mean, I gotta say there’s a part of me that’s scared about spending $700 on the camera, right but I’m so excited. Right $700 on a camera that My kids probably going to drop and break.

Susan Dascenzi: Now, I want to I want to point out the listen to what you said. But if I had been consistent if I had, so that kind of downloaded program is still running that is still kind of blaming yourself kind of making the bucks. Well, you know, that’s the thing You have to first be aware, first of all of what you’re even saying to yourself, because we can’t really get to the core root of kind of the issue for anybody to kind of like the core wound or the root or the core of downloaded program or whatever. We want to call it for anybody, right? Everybody can have different language about it. You can’t really get to that place unless you’re aware of some of the stuff you’re thinking and feeling. So it’s like, again, one of the best questions to ask is, what does it mean to you? What will it mean if I’m more successful in my business, and I shift that if to win? Yeah.

Well, I mean, when

Susan Dascenzi: Yeah, okay, so what does it mean to you when you’re more successful in your business? What does Kim look like? What does Kim’s home life look like? What does Kim’s financial life look like? What does her business look like? All these pieces are important So, like, what does it mean for you?

Kim Sutton: I have time during my day to go get my eyebrows waxed.

Susan Dascenzi: Okay, true, but more seriously, like, what does

it mean? Seriously like that.

I’m hearing like a abraham hicks song in my head. It’s I guess they play it at their seminars I’ve never been. But it’s, you can do it. You can do it and like, I can hear that. And that’s probably what would be playing for me is you did it. You did it, you know, like, hooray, like,

now go a step further, but you’ve done it. That’s awesome. But what does it mean about Kim? If Kim’s business is at a higher level? Don’t we go back to some of that place of some of the butts that come in that say, but I’m afraid that it’ll take me away from my family. I’m a family.

See it Have that is it a dichotomy where I’m like, I’m afraid of dying of taking it away from the family, but like, I’m looking at this back wall that won’t be there when that happens, because my master suites gonna be there with my own bathroom. Right? Right. But see, it comes at a cost, it does come at a cost. So how do I take that cost out of my brain? How can I reprogram it.

Susan Dascenzi: Really, it boils down to a worth issue, it boils down to a deserving issue that says I am worthy and deserving of having these amazing things. And this master suite and making a crap ton of money. And at the same time, I’m I have deserving this and worth to have an amazing marriage and amazing communication, and none of it is going to get like it’s not one at the cost of the other. That’s the culture gain and the fear of loss, competing pieces that keep kicking in. And so one of the ways to begin To really understand what that is, because we can’t do anything about what we don’t know. Right? Like, you know, I always I always look at it like the body has this amazing pain warning system that tells us problem, right? Like, I always use the appendicitis issue take like a 300 pound tough guy who’s having an appendicitis and he’s got 102 fever, he shaking, sweating and now he’s down on the ground and he’s like, Oh, it’s just so no aid or a little gas I’m fine. And like his appendix is getting ready to burst and he’s not doing anything about it. Now most of us aren’t like that. And most of us on the other side are what like people call hypochondriacs where every little pain is like, Oh my god, I’m dying. Most of us are in the middle where we’re like, oh, wow, I must eat something bad or I have some cash or just it’s fine. And we ignore it, ignore it, ignore it, and then eventually, the body’s warning system says Knock Knock dumb ass. There’s a problem here, you really need to pay attention. And at some point, we finally go, wow, this is not something I ate. Or if you’re a woman, feminine stuff or fatigue, this is maybe a problem and we take care of it. with emotions and the mental stuff. We don’t do that. And yet, it’s warning signals the same way. So you keep having some of the same thoughts like, why am I playing this game versus kind of being more productive in my business right now? Well, I don’t know. Let’s look at it and pick it apart a little and see what the quote unquote pain is. That’s preventing you. So we have to be aware and start asking those questions. Then we can start getting to the root which, like you and I talked about yesterday, part of it was that you had seen that disappointment and inconsistency is okay. So now you have to make a decision.

Is it okay, but that’s it. That’s it. interesting that you say that because it was never okay. Like it was never Okay, like I was let down bad and, and I let down my kids bad to like and I just need to put it out there. I mean, I promised them allowance if they did their chores and for years they didn’t get allowance because there was no money to pay allowance. So at some point, they just didn’t want to do it anymore because you know, mom hadn’t kept true to her work. But

see, it was okay on some level because if it wasn’t Kim, you wouldn’t have repeated it. So that’s what I’m saying from a subconscious level. your younger self learned, it was ultimately what was going to happen. So it’s okay has to be okay. Because otherwise it’s gonna create too much pain and problem for us. So we may know that it’s not okay. We may not want it to be okay. But there’s a younger part of us, the 20 year old us or the five year old us or whatever that says, Yeah, but this is just the way it is and this is the way it’s probably going to be Because this is the way it always was, up to this point,

I just want to break that cycle.

Susan Dascenzi: And so you have to look at what are you afraid of in breaking the cycle? Again, are you more afraid that if you’re successful to the level that you want to be out, that it will mean some kind of change or loss that’s possible in your home life? And, and that means like, well, I don’t want to miss my children’s soccer games and all their activities. So okay, how do I set the boundaries then, when I reach that level, where I may be in more demand, how do I set those boundaries than to really not miss my children’s lives and and have my relationship with my husband change, and at the same time, keep the business level at that level and continuing to grow to and that requires boundaries, but to set boundaries. We have to love ourselves in a way. That’s that is really true deep sense of worth and value and deservingness that allows us to stick to that boundary no matter what. That’s how you can be consistent and stop procrastinating and stay motivated.

Holy crap. Even got me thinking about I saw a post by Jenna Kutcher last year, where she was talking about she was invited to go speak in Vegas or something, this is before pandemic but she she had her baby, you know, so she and her husband are spending all their time with the with the baby and she didn’t want to spend that much time alone. Or, you know, away from the baby. She only had to go on a, you know, a commercial airliner spent all that time in the airport and all that so she turned down the highly lucrative speaking gig. Okay, and, and with that reason, and then they came back and they said, Well, what if we get you a private jet to fly you and you can go, you can fly down and go back home the same day on the private jet.

Well, I’m putting it together No,

I did she take the

gig though she did see, she had photos of herself. And she I might I think she went by herself, but she may have actually even taken her husband and her baby. But I might I might have just been her I don’t remember the years a long time in the in the memory of Kim when it’s not, you know, pertinent to me, right. But yeah, thank you. I mean, how simple would it be to just say that? No, I really I can’t be away from my family for that long, but I can if you pay for me to go down and come back same day, and it’s not in the middle seat on an airplane. That’s That’s good. Yeah, it’s not doing middle seats anymore.

That’s the thing I never did. I couldn’t stand it. I’m a bigger girl. So like, for me, the middle seat was like, No, I’m not going to be squished on both sides. I always loved the windows so I could like squish into the wall a little bit. Yeah. So that if like, Dude in the middle is just like, Oh, I own the whole entire row. And somehow get some relief I had that happen on a flight to London once for seven hours. I was literally squished you can’t see me but my arms all like wrapped up into my body over like on my left side squished like that for seven hours because dude in the middle of thought he owned the entire plane. Well the

the armrests do belong to the person in the middle

where the people on the window and I’ll remember that I had just I was the last time I was in the middle of this is the last time I’ve ever been in the middle. The woman on the aisle just was on her keyboard and like kept on elbowing me typing I’d like to bind. I didn’t say it but I mean next time I probably would. Yeah, well, I want to be conscious of your time and and respectful. But I want you back so we can talk more about you and what you do. But where can listeners go in the meantime to learn more about you connect? Get all your great stuff and to subscribe to your podcasts. Your new podcasts when it comes out.

Well, there’s no tab for the new podcasts yet on my website, but there will be something soon. They can go to www dot Susan descendency.com and I know that’s kind of hard to spell. It’s s USA NDASCE and ZI. I get the Shen Z’s and the sun skis and all kinds of weird letters in the name so

you shouldn’t buy them all and print them onto your site.

If you if you’re driving if you’re trying not to burn dinner if you’re on the elliptical go to that KIM sutton.com forward slash p p 666. That should be easy to remember right? p 666. And all of Susan’s links will be right there but Susan decending calm.

Yeah. And there they can grab on my I have a guide to emotional resiliency called Secret to loving yourself. Because it’s really about beginning to pay attention and giving yourself that kind of self love. And I don’t mean through self care, that’s super important too. But it’s getting a little deeper kind of at your own pace in understanding where some of the things are, that are holding you back, or kind of being I wouldn’t say how is that we’re kind of like being stored, you know. And as you go through the exercises in the guide, you can really walk away from that with a stronger sense of view, and then begin to implement, right because some of this stuff can like this is not easy stuff. But it is so simple. You know what I mean? It just takes a different level of practice,

I guess.

Learning to say no. Took me 40 years.

Even to my husband no sweetie waking me up at five o’clock in the morning. Have sex is not okay. If you want it, you ask for it before 10 o’clock took me it took me eight years of being together to learn how to say no to him. Sure, no work for me. Like why? Why does it take so long to tell other people? I mean, telling my kids What does not work for me, telling clients telling Susan talking more than 10 minutes sometimes No, I’ve got 10 minutes.

Totally, I got that. I do that too much. It’s because we’re human. And we don’t want to, you know, sometimes we don’t want to hurt people’s feelings, but it’s that hope for gain fear of loss thing. I don’t want to look like a shithead I don’t want to look like a bee. You know, phpc age. I don’t want to be mean I don’t want to say no, because I don’t want my kids to hate me. I like God. There’s so many reasons. And it always has to do with us. And what we’re afraid will happen or how they’ll see us or We’ll see ourselves or some situation if and that’s another If If This Then That yeah when this then that. No, there’s no if that and when then it’s just like right now, right?

Yeah. Well listeners if you enjoyed this episode, I’m going to ask you to leave a comment on your preferred listening platform or below the show notes at Cannes satin comm forward slash p p 666. I would love to hear what big aha is you had I’m sure Susan would love to hear them as well. And make sure to go over to your podcast listening platform. Subscribe to kick your butts and when it comes out to spiritually Express, not sex press but expressed human. If you’re watching on YouTube, please like this video, comment down below and subscribe to the channel so that you find out when more episodes go live. But Susan, I have loved every second of this. You’re going to come back again because you don’t have a choice. I say so. But would you mind leaving the listeners with a parting piece of advice, golden nugget.

Susan Dascenzi: Absolutely, it’s been such an honor. Thank you so much, Kim for having me on. And I will come back anytime and I will have you on my show. This is just incredible.

Final piece of advice. You only have one shot in this body, regardless of whatever your beliefs are. You have one shot in this body as the person that you are.

Susan Dascenzi: You have the ability to choose how you show up in who that is every single minute of every single day. If you’re finding that you’re not showing up the way you want something in your gut or your heart is saying this isn’t quite me or this isn’t quite right or I wish I could do this differently, please reach out to those who can be a mirror for you. It doesn’t have to be this long drawn out thing for years. It can be as simple as a session or two and…

I would love to offer your audience, Kim, a 30-minute complimentary session which they can find in the show notes the link for that, because sometimes we just need a little implementation.

Susan Dascenzi: You’re more than you realize you’re more than you know you are a brilliant shining diamond. Like yourself shine.