PP 143: Feelings

Have you ever been in a relationship and shared your feelings just to be told that they were wrong?

Or, perhaps you’ve been in a relationship, and I don’t mean just a relationship with a significant other or your children, but even maybe even with a client, where they told you their feelings, and you told them they were wrong?

In this episode, I want to discuss how feelings are not only NOT wrong, however, perhaps the circumstances surrounding the situation where the feelings are felt was misinterpreted.

It’s always important to recognize our feelings and determine whether or not those feelings need to be shared in order to improve our relationship with the other person or party.

I’ve had situations with my husband, with my children, and also with clients where I could start to feel feelings building up inside me that needed to be addressed. These included the feeling of stress, frustration, anger, and I realized if I allowed them to stay inside, that it wasn’t going to help anything.

At some point, I would either just blow up which I hate to do, or I would just give up.

Often, feelings for me are hardest to express to clients, because I’m concerned that the client will no longer like me or respect me or will decide to go somewhere else. However, when I have shared, it’s often led to amazing dialogue and a much better working relationship in the end. Sharing has allowed us both to share exactly what was going on in our head and allowed ourselves to pave a much smoother road moving forward.

Sometimes it can be really hard to hear the feelings that other people are experiencing towards us, especially when they hurt our own in the process. However, when somebody comes to you, in tears, how they are feeling, I want to encourage you to keep your mouth shut and be a listener, while they are expressing their thoughts.

Don’t think about what you want to say next. Don’t think about how you can argue whatever they’re saying. And certainly don’t tell that person that their feelings are wrong.

Give yourself at least five to 10 seconds to truly process what the other person is saying. And then even give yourself an opportunity to put yourself in their shoes so you can perhaps understand why they are feeling that way.

When we allow ourselves to look at life from another person’s perspective, often we’re given aha moments because we didn’t realize how a situation could be interpreted from so many different angles. A simple joke can often be taken out of context in greatly hurt somebody else. I have to admit that I have often thought that I have a chronic case of foot-in-mouth syndrome. What I mean is that I often say things that come out entirely how I wasn’t meaning them to, and, unbeknownst to me, have hurt others.

While I can be a sarcastic person, it is never my intention to hurt somebody, even in the hardest and most difficult relationships where I knew it was just going to end. I have bitten my tongue, because I didn’t want to say anything that would live with me and inside the other person until the end of time.

If you’re overcome with feelings about somebody right now, and you’re not sure if you can express them but they are weighing on your mind constantly, I want to encourage you to open up a Word doc or an Evernote, or even an email that has no subject and no addresses attached to it, and put all your feelings down. Allow that email or note to live out there and just get it off your mind for the immediate future.

Often, by getting those thoughts out of our head, we can move forward for a couple hours or a couple days or even longer in realize that maybe we were looking at the situation a little bit wrong. However, if after a given period of time, those thoughts are still weighing on our head, then yes, maybe it is time to share with others, especially the ones in the party that are driving them.

Our feelings are never wrong.

We feel what we feel for a reason.

However, by opening dialogue with other people, we are able to put our feelings in perspective and create a much better relationship for ourselves and others.

Embrace the feelings that you have every day, whether they be sad or mad, happy or devastated. Know that those feelings are part of what make you you. If and when the time comes, there will be a proper way to share your feelings. And when you do, make sure it’s to make a positive impact on you and the world around you.

Now with this said, go forth and make it a positive and productive day.