PP 340: Rosie Aiello, Women’s Empowerment Leader from 11 Hours to Freedom

Website: https://clearvistaconsulting.com/
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Twitter: https://twitter.com/RosieClearVista
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/pub/rosie-aiello/30/130/4aa
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUTn4QNzqOgp1t5iDKH9a4w

Kim Sutton: Welcome back to another episode of Positive Productivity. This is your host Kim Sutton, and I’m so happy to have you here today. I’m thrilled to introduce our guest, Rosie Aiello. Rosie is a women’s empowerment leader from 11 Hours to Freedom and has a phenomenal story. But before we jump in, Rosie, hi, I’ll be right back. I just want to invite you all listeners to rate and review the podcasts, because stories like Rosie’s, and I would hope the overall mission of the podcast deserves to be shared, and your rating review will get us in front of a bigger audience. 

But Rosie, thank you so much for being here. We know this has taken way too long to get to, not just through my intro, but my reschedules, life, everything. I’m so happy to have you here.

Rosie Aiello: Oh, Kim, it is so much fun to be with you. I can’t wait.

Kim Sutton: Me neither. Rosie, I know your story, but listeners don’t. Can you take us on a journey to where you are today?

Rosie Aiello: Yes, sure. And I really liked the intro where you said that this is something to be shared. Even before I start, I really like to encourage your listeners to do that. Because I know that my story may be just the thing that somebody else needs to hear to help them move forward my belief in this passionately. So about eight and a half years ago now, I engineered an international escape from the Middle East to save my daughter and myself from domestic violence. And leading up to that was quite a journey. I have been married for almost 25 years. That we spent about half the time in Saudi Arabia where my daughter, my only daughter was born. And then we spent about the other half in Beirut, Lebanon. And prior to getting married, I was a successful finance manager in corporate high tech companies in Silicon Valley. I was doing this quite fine. I was fully functioning. And then really from the very beginning, I was in a very emotionally, psychologically, mentally abusive relationship. But I wasn’t aware of it. And then after we were married, it was a financially abusive relationship. 

So here I was, moved to the Middle East right after we got married. I was isolated physically, geographically from my family and my friends. And it was a big adjustment, but I’ve kind of adventurous. You go with the guy you love. But then I just started getting all these, do it this way, don’t do that. He was always getting angry at me for just the slightest thing, and I just couldn’t understand being in a highly competitive industry in the high tech. It was like, well, I can do this. He have me do it. I would just step up and just try to be a better wife. But as the time passed, it got harder and harder. And then he started to treat my daughter the same way. But again, I was married, Kim, for 18 years before I even knew I was in an abusive relationship. I didn’t have the vocabulary. I just didn’t know. And I have an MBA, we’re all smart women. When they’re manipulative like this, narcissistic and sociopathic, you’re just not expecting this person that’s supposed to love you to mistreat you. So it wasn’t in my radar.

Kim Sutton: Rosie, I had the same. I wasn’t out of the country, and I certainly wasn’t around the globe, but I went through the same. So I’m over here nodding. I need to be better about that. As a child, I remember nodding on the phone. I can’t hear you, Kim. I know listeners, you can’t hear me. But everything is just hitting home. Yeah.

Rosie Aiello: It’s just so sad. I mean, it was such a big mission. So we got here, July 27, 2009. That’s now considered my independence day. And leading up to that, there’s a whole nother story. But I’ll tell you, there was a point before, it’s like, I don’t need to be a martyr. I have one life, one friggin life to live, and I’m going to live it. And then to kind of keep me going. Because even though I knew by then how he was mistreating us, I still had so much guilt. I was filled with shame from the get go. So for almost 20 years, 25 years, I was living in shame, which is also holding me back. But I was constantly telling myself during the planning process of the escape, my daughter and I deserve a happy and joyful life. Kind of just keep going, talking about positive productivity, just to keep that focus that I deserve this. And that’s the other message to share with these other women, you deserve this, you don’t deserve ever to be mistreated. So when I got back, my daughter and I had PTSD, post traumatic stress disorder, depression, anxiety. My daughter has complex PTSD, which is like another deeper, worse level. And when I first arrived, all I wanted to do was to get out. I had no thinking of what’s gonna happen when I arrived. It was like, I didn’t do any of that kind of thinking. It was just like, get me out, and I’ll worry about the details later.

Kim Sutton: I was the same way. Yeah, yeah.

Rosie Aiello: Yeah. Because it’s like you just get out of mode. And I was fortunate that my brother was instrumental in helping me get out, and I was able to stay with him and his family for the first few months that we were in the United States before I was able to get my own place and to start filing for divorce. And because I wasn’t a resident, I’m in California, and I wasn’t a resident of California so I couldn’t file for divorce right away. I had to file for legal separation, and there’s a lot of details behind all of this. And then it was like, okay, you’re here Rosie. Now, how are you gonna make money? And I had been out of high tech for almost 25 years. 2009 if you recall, it was the middle of the deep, great recession we had. So here I was out of the country for such a long time at my profession. Old, and I was in my late 50’s by then. And then I’d started to go around, what do I do? Getting classes, doing certain things, and then kind of stumbled upon organization, being organized and stuff like that. Because let me tell you, as you probably know, it takes a lot to do an international escape, especially with a husband who lives there 24/7.

Kim Sutton: Yeah.

Rosie Aiello: As I look back, my daughter and I are writing a joint memoir, it’s called 11 hours to Freedom. And it’s that journey, and we want it from the point of view of a wife, a mother and a child. So you see that perspective, I look back I was like, how did I do that?

Kim Sutton: Rosie, I have to interrupt you because I know more of your story than listeners, then some listeners probably do. It’s not like, not without my daughter where she got away and then took the flight back, and you were in the company of your husband the whole 11 hours.

Rosie Aiello: Yes, Yes, I was. So basically, I had outsmarted him. We came to the United States every summer for summer holiday because that’s where my family is, here in California. So as I was planning it, I thought, because in the Middle East, technically, I can’t travel without him even though Lebanon is a more progressive country than the other Middle Eastern countries. But still, I couldn’t really just pack up and go. And anybody who’s in an abusive situation should know, if they don’t know, you never ever like to ever tell the abuser you’re gonna plan to leave. So that’s step one. Can just say, oh, well, I’m taking my daughter, we’re leaving. No way. Lebanon is such a tiny country. It’s not like I could just like, even if I could have gone without him, I couldn’t go to the travel agent and say you’re booking your flight because he could have known somebody. My last name is his last name. And it’s like, oh, just you and your daughter going? I mean, people talk. So I had to be just ultra, ultra careful. So what I did is I planned the escape when we would normally go, so we went by Beirut, Paris because there are no direct flights to the United States from Beirut, Lebanon. We went to Beirut, Paris. We spent a couple days just lay over there for a few days. And then Paris, San Francisco. And let me tell you, on that flight from Paris to San Francisco, my heart was beating so loudly. I thought, oh, my God, he’s gonna hear my heartbeat. No, I’m up to something. And it’s like, even if he knew, what difference? But I wasn’t thinking that way.

Kim Sutton: Yeah.

Rosie Aiello: So we arranged my brother to meet me at the airport. I knew exactly where he would be in the crowd when you went through those international gates. I mean, everything was planned. And my brother went up to him and said, Rosie is upset with you, she needs to leave you a little bit. I couldn’t even say, I’m leaving him. I was so terrified of him. I was just scared to death of him. And then my daughter and I had our own little luggage carts, and we went behind my brother, turned around and walked away, and left him standing in the middle of the airport.

Kim Sutton: Listeners, for those of you who are listening and may just be wondering, how could you do that? What I need to say is that unless you’ve, and like Rosie, I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for 13 years, and it took at least a decade for me to figure it out. I realized, well, maybe not that long, five years. I knew after my first son was born that I was being cut off from my family, things like not being able to drive the car to go see them. The stroller would accidentally wind up in my ex husband’s car every time my family was coming to visit so that we would have no choice but to stay at home, in the car seats would always go so that we can go out. And anytime I would get on a phone call, there was always something more hectic that needed to be addressed at home. I was cut off from my family. And as time went on, I realized that I was unhappy, it was always my fault, that’s what I was told. And when I started expressing my displeasure and that this really wasn’t a good situation, I was told I couldn’t leave. 

And when it turned abusive towards my sons physically, they were two, I couldn’t get them out of the house to take them to the police station. And when I would go on my own, the police would say, was hearsay, because they were not with me. They said I could be making up things and he has changed now, or at least I hope he has. And there are people who have heard my story and say that I’m lying. Including his new wife, she’ll say that it’s horrible that I’m spreading these lies. But it’s not a lie. You deserve to be happy in every single part of your life from your romantic relationships to your business relationships, every single part. And when you’re not, you deserve to be able to take action one way or another in a legal manner. The only reason I put that is because, don’t kill the person, but you deserve to be happy. So if you’re realizing that you’re being shut off from your whole life and just made feel like crap all the time, you don’t have to deal with it.

Rosie Aiello: Yeah. This is great Kim. Like you, I was nodding the whole way. And I think part of the issue is that women, we just keep making excuses. We didn’t want to rock the cart, we were like, well, we could try again. They are so nice some of the time, and I think I would just say, you can tell me if this is the case for you. It’s like, I just always felt so bad. My stomach was upset, he was always blaming me for everything. I would listen to it, and then your mind just started to go desert because you knew it wasn’t the truth. But he was telling you, you’re wrong. And so you get all these conflicting thoughts going in your mind, which is called gaslighting. When they change the reality, they change the facts and make it look like you’ve forgotten it. Or it’s all wrong, or whatever. And you start to doubt yourself, and then that doubt gets bigger and bigger, and then you don’t know who or what to believe. Well, I guess it is me. I must be wrong. But it’s so important. 

Like the example you gave like these, oh, well, she’s just so coincidental every time baby’s carriage was not available, or the car seats were taken out. It looks like he’s innocent at the moment. And they’ll say, oh, I just did this, but it’s not. They are controlling you. And let me tell you, as much as you think you may love them or they love you, it’s not about love. And I think that’s the hardest thing. It’s like everyone wants to be loved. But I don’t know about you, it’s like they’re incapable of loving me. Mine is incapable of loving me and my daughter the way we deserve to be loved, to be heard, to be understood, to have empathy, to have compassion. He’s unable to fulfill those basic values.

Kim Sutton: My favorite, and of course, sarcastic way of putting it was when I would say something like, I’m feeling like or I feel, and that would be told you’re wrong.

Rosie Aiello: Yes.

Kim Sutton: You’re wrong. That’s not how it is. And da, da, da, da. Well, no, I’m not wrong. This is how I’m feeling. Or in my first entrepreneurial journey, I had gone into sleep deprivation, listeners, that there will be a link to this in the show notes. And I was suicidal because of sleep deprivation. But rather than show love, and compassion, and try to help me work through it, he had me voluntarily committed to the mental hospital and then contacted a divorce attorney while I was in there. We didn’t get divorced. He didn’t go through with it then, but that was like the huge eye opener of, wow. I’m feeling like I could kill myself. And there’s not even a, how can I support you, you can’t stay at home. I don’t trust you. You’re going to the hospital. It all got a lot more clear. So what did it look like after you got to America, and where has it taken you now?

Rosie Aiello: Well, it’s really interesting. In the very beginning, I actually started a timesheet productivity business. And I’ll never forget, I had to design my website. And then I was crying for days because I thought, once I hit that button, publish, he’s going to know everything. I felt like I was being naked in front of him. I didn’t care about the whole world or what he was thinking. So it took a lot of nerve to get to become public, and I just kept reminding myself, I’d look out the window and just say, you know what? I love my freedom, and that’s more important than anything. And I just had to keep taking one step at a time. One step at a time, I started speaking, I started networking. Within four years of my business, I won an international award for business. All these great things are starting to happen. And then last year, every time we talked to somebody about our story, oh, my God, it needs to be a book, it needs to be a movie. I mean, your story is just so incredible. 

And so finally, last year, we, my daughter and I decided to go ahead and write our memoir. And that’s when everything just totally changed. I felt like I was just putting this tumbler and rocked around, and just spit out. And then I had a conversation with God. Have you had a conversation with God? Well, people told me, you’ve got to look for your purpose and all that. And they all would say, you teach what you need to learn. And I thought, God, I’m really good at time management productivity. I don’t know what they’re talking about. But when the memoir started, for me, it was just to fulfill the request by others and everything else. Okay, we’ll write the story to help other women. It wasn’t about me, it wasn’t about getting back at him, it was nothing. It’s just to help women and get this message out. But there was a huge transformation that happened. And it was almost a year ago when, did you know that God has a temper?

Kim Sutton: I know that God has a sense of humor, that’s how I lined up with twins. But I didn’t know that God has a temper. I’d love to hear more about that.

Rosie Aiello: Well, he just gave me a talking to, I mean, it was like, look, Rosie, I chose you for this. I go, well, look, I agreed to write the book. I didn’t agree to go and help these other women and other things. He goes, are you arguing with me?

Kim Sutton: I love that. I love this whole conversation.

Rosie Aiello: I go, oh, well, kind of, well, no. I mean, he goes, who do you think is gonna win this? I go, well, I guess you are. And I was digging my heels for a long time. I mean, I couldn’t even say the words. I’m on a mission. I’m on a global mission with my daughter to save a million women and their children from domestic violence. I couldn’t have said that even a year ago, but I’ve stepped into this. And now, it’s a mission. And it’s like, you can’t get me off the train. I believe so deep in my heart that no woman, nobody, especially the children should have to suffer like this. And it’s not our job, we can’t love them into it. It’s not our job to fix them, but it’s our job to take care of ourselves.

Kim Sutton: Yeah.

Rosie Aiello: And I know how incredibly hard it is to get out. I know that. I was there for 25 years so I know the sacrifices women make for their children. We do that. And yet, I know that there is hope, that there is change. And then I’m going to do my share, my part to help these women.

Kim Sutton: Well, I hope you know that even if it takes us 15 tries to get a date that works for our podcast, I will support you in anything I can do. I have to tell you one of the reasons why I haven’t been more vocal about my own struggle was because I hope for the sake of his new wife that he has changed. I don’t share his name ever. I hope that he’s changed, and I don’t want to, we all make mistakes. But if we change, then we don’t want people to judge us. But I do believe that any woman who is with somebody who is like that deserves to get out. So I haven’t been more vocal, just because it wouldn’t be difficult for anybody to figure out who I was talking about. But it’s not fair to not say anything, because there are people who are sitting. What’s unfortunate is that there’s people who can’t listen to those right now because their significant other has such a control over them, that everything that they listen to or look at on the internet is constantly being monitored. And that’s where I found myself. I ended up having my internet shut off from my own computer inside my own house, because he went into the back end and firewalled any of the sites that I would go to. And it’s sad that people can do that. And yes, I’ve looked into ways how to do that for my children when they’re grounded. You didn’t do this, so you’re going to lose your Wi Fi access today. But for a husband or wife, and I’m going to explain it to the wife to do that if their significant other is a child, and I’m not even say saying child in a way that they should be treated like that, it is despicable.

Rosie Aiello: Yeah, I agree with you. And yes, it goes both directions. But it’s so true and just so sad. And then for women, I don’t want women to take on that they’re at fault, because it’s so easy, especially if the abuser just can twist your mind so easily, and then you come out thinking it’s all your fault. And to know that being abused is not your fault. It’s never about that. My mission is to really create kindness in the family. If we can’t be kind, then it’s so easy to just lash out. But that’s not where we should be love. It’s not terrorizing, it doesn’t mean that, oh, if you get upset, your abuser or whatever, no, you look at the patterns. Is there a consistent pattern? Is there a pattern of them blaming, and shaming, and yelling, and doing more aggressive acts on a consistent basis? And what I mean is that there’s moments where it’s like a roller coaster where they’re the greatest, sweetest, most wonderful person, and that’s what creates, well, they’re really sweet. Well, everybody gets upset, gets angry and has that. But then you start to see the pattern. And then look inside yourself, how you really feel deep inside. The one that’s supposed to love and care for you makes you feel like you’re a piece of dirt and worth nothing. I mean, my husband would sit me with my 10 year old child and yell at me just at the same time as her. I was treated exactly like a child.

Kim Sutton: Yeah.

Rosie Aiello: I get it.

Kim Sutton: Wow. I remember being pregnant with my oldest and craving ice cream. Imagine a pregnant woman craving ice cream and being told I was already too big, and there was no way I was getting ice cream. And then it was a hot summer, and we lived in a brick oven, is how I’ll put it, outside of New York City. And I wanted to turn on the air conditioner. No, we’re not spending money on the air conditioner for you just because you’re that big. Thinking back now, I just can’t imagine. Because I will do anything I possibly can to make sure those I love are comfortable. Not just comfortable, but amazingly comfortable. To me, that’s how it should be. I’m not saying that if money is limited, that we can just go and spend lavishly. But if there’s something that we can do in any given moment, even just getting up and saying, do you want a glass of water? But that would have been something that would have never occurred. Can I get you something sweety? No.

Rosie Aiello: Yeah, this is so true. And I think part of the goal of the memoir is to highlight what it is like. Because sometimes, it just seems so [inaudible], or you start making excuses as the wife. Like, oh, well, no, he does it once in a while, or okay, we needed to save money. We start to validate their behavior. But if you look at it, there’s no empathy. You’re pregnant. Oh, my gosh, and it’s hot. Even if it’s cold, you’re hot.

Kim Sutton: Oh, yeah.

Rosie Aiello: Right. So you’re uncomfortable, you’re just like, give me a glass of cold water, put a cold cloth on my face, my forehead. But it’s all about them, and you serving them, and you making them comfortable, and you show to the world how great you are. And having the difference between inside the four walls and outside. And my ex husband, he was not an alcoholic, he wasn’t physically abusive, just say except for a couple times, but not really wouldn’t characterize that. He wasn’t a drug addict, and he wasn’t a gambler. He didn’t have any what you would call normal vices. He was a good, outstanding guy in the community. So who’s gonna believe me when all of the evidence is for him?

Kim Sutton: Right.

Rosie Aiello: And speaking to women all over the world on this, it’s like, they all fit into the same box. So it doesn’t matter. Yes, my husband, my ex husband was an Arab. But most of the data is from American men, Western studies. And I spoke to women, like I said, all over the world are going, is there exactly the same? Box of labeling. Their characteristics, I should say, are not labeling but characteristics. And what I also know, Kim, is that you look at me, you look at you, you look at any woman, and you would never know that we were abused, or we are being abused. We look normal. No ethnicity, there’s no economic background, there’s no educational background that divides us. It’s or it doesn’t matter to anybody.

Kim Sutton: Yeah.

Rosie Aiello: So that’s the other thing. For the book is like, gosh, I just wanted to get in every woman’s hand because you don’t know who may be suffering. My brother didn’t know for the longest time. But if he got the book, maybe he started to ask some questions, or gave it to any female that you know, because they don’t usually tell you because there’s no hiding so much shame. They’re being strangled by their own shame. They’re creating a prison within a prison. They’re imprisoned by their husband or their spouse, and by themselves because of their shame. And gosh, this is your only life. And that just makes me incredibly sad.

Kim Sutton: What was the final straw for you?

Rosie Aiello: The final straw is what will be in book two. I was waiting for my daughter. I told her when she was in high school, look, because that’s when I found out that I was in an abusive relationship, that the way your father’s treating you is not right. And when you’re ready to leave, just let me know, because I knew she wasn’t happy. But I couldn’t leave her or the Middle East before she turned major because he has automatic custody. It’s not like you’re in the court so you get custody and you fight over that. There’s no fight. it just goes to him. So for sure, I had to wait till she turned 18. So when she was in college, she was in her junior year and she just came storming home one day and she said, Mom, you gotta get me away from my abusive father. And so within four months, I plan the escape of our lives.

Kim Sutton: Wow. I was unemployed when I left. I mean, you were unemployed. We were out of the country. Obviously, you didn’t have a job. I’d use that as my excuse for so long. Well, I don’t have money.

Rosie Aiello: Yes.

Kim Sutton: I can’t say I was unemployed. I had my own company then. Completely different company that I have now, but I was only making a quarter a day. And I was thinking, will it be better when? And same as you, I was thinking, or same as what you mentioned before, I was thinking, okay, maybe if I could just learn to be a better cook. Listeners, you’ve heard, I still burn dinner. That’s not gonna happen. Maybe if I just put some more time and effort into making meals, maybe he would appreciate that more. But then I realized, even when I did, it didn’t matter. I was still doing it wrong. Always doing it wrong. And I’m just going to spare the details. But then he became abusive physically to my boys. That was my final straw.

Rosie Aiello: Yeah.

Kim Sutton: Because I realized, number one, I couldn’t allow them to face that anymore. And number two, I couldn’t allow them to possibly grow up thinking that that was okay. Because I’m not okay. And to this day, they don’t want to drive down the street that we lived on because they remember those things. And we’re still in the same town. And amazingly, their dad only lives a buck and a half from where we live, but they don’t want to go down that street that we lived on together. How do you ensure safety after leaving? You came in from a whole different country. I just moved to another part of town, but we still faced our own security questions and struggles. And do you feel safe now is I guess what I’m asking?

Rosie Aiello:  It’s a really, really good question. There’s some things I can’t reveal. But I always have to keep looking over my shoulder. And I’m always seeking safety. So it’s not like I’m here because with the internet, there’s so easy access. I mean, he hired a security consultant from the Middle East. I was stalked. I’ve still been stalked. I’m continuously being stalked. I’ve been trashed on the internet. He hired somebody, he hired a US lawyer who called my Facebook friends to see if they knew anything about my daughter. My daughter was almost 21. Remember I told you she was a junior at the University. She was almost 21 when we arrived, and he thinks like I kidnapped her. So I’m constantly getting contacts from everybody about, all around. So I’ve had to just keep shutting down, blocking, not blocking him from all my social media, he gets his friends to contact us. I mean, it’s just like non-stop. We just got something just yesterday, we’ve been out for eight years. So safety is always important, and I don’t take my freedom for granted. 

I don’t take my safety for granted. I don’t feel like he will ever do anything to me personally. I know he wants contact with his daughter, which she doesn’t want. I’ve been accused of parental alienation and everything else. What I remind my daughter, and when I remind myself is that she and I know the truth. Nobody else knows the truth like we do so I don’t care what anybody else says. I know the truth, and I’m not budging. But it takes a lot of courage and strength to stand in that because you’re being constantly, I was [inaudible]. I’ll just talk to him, just this, just that, just do that. It’s just like you’re the greatest couple and goes on and on. So yes, safety. He found my emails. I mean, there was one, he got onto my mailing list because I have my own business. Under a false name, I found him by chance. Is he on my mailing list again? Probably. But I’m not gonna live my life in fear. But still, I’m careful. I’m very careful because he has the money. He could just hire somebody and knock me off. I was afraid of that. When we first arrived, I thought, oh my God, he’s going to hire somebody in there. Just going to run me off the roads and it will look like an accident.

Kim Sutton: Well, but I have to say, living in an abusive relationship to me would be worse than that fear.

Rosie Aiello: Oh, my gosh, there’s no comparison to my freedom that I have now, absolutely. That’s why I look outside and I see my freedom. I get to create my life camp. Just like you, you get to create your life. And I know women who are in it, they can’t see beyond and I couldn’t either. This is what I help women with. I couldn’t see that, I couldn’t even stand a look at a man when I first arrived. But to have the freedom, you want to have freedom of your agency, of who you are. There’s nothing, in my opinion, more important than that. To have your own voice, to be validated in your thoughts and your beliefs. And if they’re not, you know who not to hang around with. And I’m sure you and I have both let go of other people who didn’t support us, who are also negative or toxic. I minimize my viewing of the news. I’m like, eliminate as much negativity around the news. Talk about positive productivity activity, I eliminate as much negativity and surround myself with positive energy, I would say.

Kim Sutton: I don’t find out about news unless somebody says it. Or if I just accidentally happened to glance at the sidebar in Facebook, which I will try with all my might not to do. I wish I could delete that news box. It’s not doable. But yes, the toxic people, if there’s chronically negative people posting on Facebook who are part of my friends list, they’re gone when I realize it, because I don’t need that. None of us need it. And when they’ve been family who I couldn’t just unfriend, then I unfollowed. And you listeners have the power to do it as well.

Rosie Aiello: Yeah, yeah. Again, just as a reminder to your listeners, just forward this to any woman you know because nobody knew I was in an abusive relationship. So you’re just not going to know, you’re going to think, oh. Even could be your sister, your aunt, your cousin, you don’t know because they’re hiding it. There’s no living such shame. So I would encourage you to think outside and just like, yeah, I’ll pass this on. And just like, hey, this is just an interesting one, it was no intent because you don’t know. But it might help somebody’s life just for them to hear the message. You deserve a happy and joyful life to be fully expressed. And this impacts the family, like for me, if we can create a kinder family, and create a kinder community, and city, and country, everybody benefits. So why can’t we switch to a win-win instead of a lose-lose?

Kim Sutton: Yeah.

Rosie Aiello: The woman becomes more confident, her children see her fully expressed and confident, they grow up more confidently, they are more productive. There’s an economic cost, there’s dual economic costs to this. The more abuse there is, the more costs for therapy for the woman, or whoever’s involved just getting their life back. Then there’s, how can you be productive and fully functioning, any kind of work you’re doing if you are internally just beating yourself up, or you’re so beaten down from your home and you can’t focus well on your work? So it impacts your productivity at work. There’s a huge cost to this.

Kim Sutton: I never thought about that before. You are so right, though.

Rosie Aiello: Mm hmm. And you heard me. I’m gonna mention this, I lived in the Middle East for 25 years. Believe me, I’ve seen a lot of terrorism over there, Firsthand political terrorism, military terrorism. And to me, living in this abusive situation was living in terror. So my goal is to end family terrorism because no woman, no person, no child should ever have to be living in terror.

Kim Sutton: I don’t know how I can say anything after that, because I could just cry thinking about my children having to ever experience anything like that again.

Rosie Aiello: Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it’s children. And unfortunately, it’s gonna be the women. We have to be stronger and just pull up a disrupt, and get out of their ships as hard as you think it’s impossible. And I know there’s women who all lose children and are at risk, and we just have to keep fighting to help them.

Kim Sutton: But they can do that without getting the right act done right now. Rosie, for any woman who is out there dealing with this, how can they get in touch with you? And listeners, if you are going through this, if you have a friend who’s going through it, a family member, you can send them over to thekimsutton.com/pp340, and they can reach out to me, they can reach out to Rosie. Because I know, we all want to support them in any way we can. But Rosie, what’s the best way to get in touch with you?

Rosie Aiello: Well, there are two ways. They can contact me directly at 11, that’s the number, 11hourstofreedom@gmail.com. And I have a gift that they can also contact me through, and it’s just called 11 Keys to Confidently Ask For What You Want. And when my voice was usurped, I didn’t know how to ask anything. Nothing, it’s like, how do we ask to get help, to get out even. We’re so within ourselves, so it’s just a guide. I would love to offer that to your listeners, and they can find that at 11hourstofreedom.com/gift.

Kim Sutton: Awesome. Listeners, Rosie’s email and that link will be in the show notes, again, at thekimsutton.com/pp340. Rosie, this has been absolutely amazing. And I don’t when this could come out. So wrong, I’m so saddened that you went through this. But at the same time, it’s gonna cost so wrong. But I just had to say how it’s coming up in my head, I’m comforted to know that I am not the only one who’s been through this. Because together, everybody who has been through it and overcome it can help make the world a safer place.

Rosie Aiello: Yes, it’s beautiful because this is what I believe that I’m nuff with being alone. Now, to invite these women to know that you’re not alone, to join in, and to be together to get the support. It’s nothing’s worse than being alone. And then your mind starts telling you all these crazy things on top of it, but it’s surprising what can come out when you’re just supported.

Kim Sutton: Absolutely. I just want to say one last thing, Rosie, before I ask for your parting piece of advice. Listeners, there is no excuse for not having happiness, you can leave no matter what your circumstances are. I was broke and unemployed, and I left and found happiness. And so can you. Rosie, what would be your last piece of parting advice for listeners.

Rosie Aiello: I want to get a sort of piggyback on what you’re saying. I just want them to hear, one, to share this because you don’t know who might be in a situation like this, and you probably don’t want to be my assumption based on my experience. And that everyone deserves a happy and joyful life that they can create, and that they’re able to create when they get out. This prosperous, productive and fully expressed life that you deserve. And there is always hope, and there is a way to reach out and get help.