PP 634: Being Intentional with Sue Salvemini
“When you set forward where you want to go, it doesn’t have to be perfect when you start but you need to move in that forward motion towards that goal. And what happens is it starts to organically take its course, and it gets refined as it needs to. But sometimes we don’t start because all of the circumstances aren’t exactly perfect.” – Sue Salvemini
Sue Salvemini returns for another conversation with Kim! This dynamic duo dives deep into a discussion about intentionality, excuses, vision, value, progress and more!
Be sure to tune into their first conversation as well in episode 631 of the Positive Productivity podcast!
06:57 Create as you go
18:29 The death of Kim’s first vision board
33:16 The relationship between grace, judgement and self-forgiveness
36:26 Perfectly imperfect
38:38 God’s children
43:11 A vessel for a greater message
45:01 The inner critic
46:38 The maximum effective range of excuses
Resources – Sue Salvemini:
“Get rid of the excuses and just start making progress. Progress over perfection.” – Kim Sutton
“I think sometimes we underestimate that the reason we accomplish certain things or other things fall off the list doesn’t mean that we’re a failure. It just means that at the end of the day, what we value most permeates to the top.” – Sue Salvemini
“It doesn’t need to be done before you start.” – Kim Sutton
“We forget that it doesn’t have to be as big as we’re making it.” – Kim Sutton
“When you set forward where you want to go, it doesn’t have to be perfect when you start but you need to move in that forward motion towards that goal. And what happens is it starts to organically take its course, and it gets refined as it needs to. But sometimes we don’t start because all of the circumstances aren’t exactly perfect.” – Sue Salvemini
“Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.” – Sue Salvemini
“What is it that I will feel or I hope to feel when I accomplish this?” – Sue Salvemini
“I have people that are 6 and truthfully 7-figure earners that don’t feel successful. And what’s interesting is because they associated initially in their career or their journey that when they were a millionaire they would then feel successful. So now they’re a millionaire – true stories — and they don’t feel successful. And they can’t understand why.” – Sue Salvemini
“The more I can connect with myself, the more I can be truly authentic and transparent and connect with my community.” – Kim Sutton
“What if what we’re referring to in ourselves as our imperfections is exactly what we’re supposed to be?” – Kim Sutton
“I’ve been hiding in the corner. I was afraid to be seen because I didn’t have confidence in my message. And I didn’t have confidence that I could make an impact. But I realized I wasn’t giving myself a chance because I was keeping my mouth shut.” – Kim Sutton
“So when you hide yourself or you put yourself in the shadow, how are you serving the greater cause of this message that you were positioned to be the vessel for?” – Sue Salvemini
“What are you feeding yourself?” – Sue Salvemini
About Sue Salvemini:
Following her careers in the military as well as in medical field working with executive leadership teams, Sue Salvemini took a step back to explore her values and purpose. Today Sue is the founder of Focal Pointe Consulting Group, where she works with executives and professionals who don’t feel like they make a difference.
Website: Focal Pointe Consulting Group, Inc.
EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION – SUE SALVEMINI:
Kim Sutton: Welcome back to the Positive Productivity podcast. This is your host Kim Sutton. I’m so thrilled to be jumping in today to part two with our guest Sue Salvemini.
Sue was a guest on episode 631 and there will be a link in the show notes notes, but we we were just touching the tip of the iceberg when our time ran out on that episode and I knew that we definitely had to come back for part two.
Kim Sutton: And, listeners I know you may be listening years into the future — it might be July 16 2028 for all I know, but we are purposely releasing this episode on December 31 2019 because we want to pump people who are listening at any point but especially when we release this to enter the year 2020 with full steam and what I’ve been…
We actually just had a fabulous oh my gosh, is that right? 25 minute pre chat where we (?)… We just had a fabulous 25 minute pre chat and we were talking about no excuses and progress and visibility and impact and influence and so much more. So if you are listening the day that this is released and I really hope you are but regardless of when you’re listening, get rid of the excuses and just start making progress. progress over perfection but with all that said, I’m we’re gonna jump right in today I want you to go back and listen to Episode 631 if you haven’t already listened to it before you listen to this episode so that you can get all of Sue’s background.
But Sue, welcome back. I am just overwhelmingly thrilled to be doing Part Two with you.
Sue Salvemini: Thanks, Kim. I am… I’ve been looking forward to the second part as much as the first but even more and it’s it’s it’s super awesome to know that we have an opportunity to have the listeners right at the beginning of the year because you know like it or not we all turn on our clocks again.
Sue Salvemini: And you know and say this is what I want to do or do differently in the upcoming year or more importantly, this is what I want to accomplish. And usually a couple weeks in people have already started to to dial that out. So this is a great opportunity to help us as we were doing in the earlier call, you know, all of us really zero in on how do we make it different for 2020? Or how do we really, really be intentional? So that when we’re looking back at New Year’s approaching 2021, we can say, Wow, look at everything I’ve achieved, the adversity I’ve overcome and look at where I am today.
Kim Sutton: Absolutely. If I recall, you set your goals based on your birthday, right?
Sue Salvemini: I do I do.
Kim Sutton: And your birthday’s in what? October?
Sue Salvemini: October, October, however, I have a confession. This is probably the first year since I started doing that, that the fall has been much different for me. I’ve had a lot of other obligations that have really challenged my fall time. So I am for the first time in years, approaching January 1, with incredible energy in a similar fashion to the old way I used to approach it.
Sue Salvemini: My goals… so I too am setting big goals for 2020. And I’m really liking the New Year’s Day for my goal setting even though I traditionally do it on my birthday.
Kim Sutton: So in 2019, I did not do a new year’s resolution I have generally not really ever done New Year’s resolutions because I do find that they die after two weeks for me. But this year, I said a 19 and 2019 bust. A whole bunch of those things are not going to be done. But on the flip side, a whole lot of the other things that is not grammatically correct. I blew out of the water. And I’m thrilled about that. I mean, some of the things that I did not accomplish. They weren’t really accomplishable they were more of wishlist items. Like, I wanted to get LASIK this year. It didn’t happen, but I’m okay with that.
Kim Sutton: In… in reality, having LASIK versus launching my course. For me, I know that I’ve gotten more satisfaction out of launching my course, then being held up for however many days not being able to, you know, look at screens, no one ever done for me.
Sue Salvemini: I think I think what’s funny is we, we tend to establish a big list of all we want to do. And that’s great. And I’m a huge believer that when you put a goal or an intention out there, that if you really can embrace that the real purpose in that is to propel you to forward motion and progress. And… Except that it doesn’t mean that you’ll necessarily achieve the exact specific outcome, but you’re progressing forward and towards what you want. And in your situation.
Sue Salvemini: Ultimately, what happens in (?) is you realize that what you valued greater than LASIK was getting your course produced. So you in the end, it wasn’t that you gave up on something or didn’t meet a goal. You just learned that what you valued more is where you put your time.
Sue Salvemini: And I think sometimes we underestimate that the reason we accomplish certain things, or other things fall off the list is doesn’t mean we’re a failure. It just means that at the end of the day, what we valued most permeates to the top.
Kim Sutton: Absolutely. And what I also found is that my goals evolved. While I launched my course Actually, I launched two courses. When I wrote that list on January 1 2018 — I was intending to actually record the courses do full out course launches in over the year — I realized, I have no desire to do the launches like we see all the time hitting our inboxes. That it doesn’t feel good to me.
Kim Sutton: And then September hit and I realized, oh my god, I still haven’t done this and an amazing entrepreneur said well, you can do a live launch “Live launch” and create as you go, Kim!
Kim Sutton: In Yeah, well, I don’t know how many. I’ve heard that so many times to create as you go create as you go create as you go. It doesn’t need to be done before you start. And, it never occurred to me yet everybody else can do it. And so can you.
Sue Salvemini: And what was the result?
Kim Sutton: I, I did full out beta runs of two courses, which will be live for the general public in quarter one of 2020.
Sue Salvemini: Perfect. There you go. Done.
Kim Sutton: Yeah. What I realized was that I didn’t have 20 to 40 hours a week to set aside for creating the full out course. But when it came to putting aside five hours a week to create the sides for just that week, that was no problem. And I think sometimes as entrepreneurs or as people, or, let’s just be honest here as mothers, because you and I are both moms, we forget that it doesn’t have to be as big as we’re making it. I felt burned out, by the way, a few thousand times for making mountains out of molehills.
Sue Salvemini: I think what’s interesting, and I think, I think we may have even mentioned this in the last podcast, there’s a wonderful expression, “If you wait for all the lights to be green, you’ll never, you’ll never get started.” And what you’re describing is, you know, you want everything to be in place before you you move.
Sue Salvemini: And it can’t… And the better part is that it does evolve and it evolves the way it needs to.
So I think as we look into the new year, what’s really critical is when people set their goals and their intention for the year of where they’d like to see themselves in the next six months, and I really support having an act of vision that you can feel which we can talk about in a minute, but when you set forward what you… Where do you want to go? It doesn’t have to be perfect when you start but it you need to move in that forward motion towards that goal.
Sue Salvemini: And what happens is it starts to organically take its course, and it gets refined as it needs to. But sometimes we don’t start because all the circumstances aren’t exactly perfect.
You know, we don’t… We won’t start, you know, cleaner eating, because we don’t have our menu plan for the week. You know, or it’s just so there’s, there’s because we don’t have any eating stuff in our fridge, so we just won’t start. So we’ll continue to eat all of the stuff left over. You know…
Kim Sutton: I’ve never done that…
Sue Salvemini: We won’t…. We won’t start increasing our, you know, exercise or activity outdoors because we don’t have that new pair of running sneakers. Well, you can still walk 20 minutes of doing something is more than maybe what you were doing your 20 minutes doing more than what you were doing. So it’s baby steps, but it’s getting that forward motion. Move. And what happens is very quickly, it will snowball into much bigger, bigger momentum. But…
Kim Sutton: Like doing laundry for my family.
Sue Salvemini: It’s true. Don’t laugh. I had a.. good couple of years where I said this is… I’m going to… This was no joke. And I wasn’t even married or with children at this point, but I just don’t like exercise for exercise sake. And I did. I lived in this big home that had really steep stairs, and I said my exercise is going to be I am going to every time I go up and down the stairs, I’m running, especially up, be careful running down, and I purposely just parked further away. And I would walk briskly and it sounds so little, but it really made a difference. Like this is what I’m doing. I’m not joining a gym, but this is where I can fit it in in my everyday activity. I’m just going to take it up a notch, just a degree one degree.
Sue Salvemini: And you know, it’s so funny. I actually was in great shape. I got in great shape by not going to the gym. By just taking my normal activities of walking in my house, you know, up and down the stairs, making it a little bit more of a workout than it might have been. And parking further away so that I got a few more steps in. And I don’t want to admit, but this was long before we had, you know, step meters. It was more when we had the little things, the clicker things that would go around our ankles. Not you know, like a walking app that was just part of our life on our phone. But…
Kim Sutton: I was about to say that my iPhone has no problem telling me that I fail, every single day.
Sue Salvemini: So anyway, but yeah, so 2020 vision. So I love 2020 because it really resonates with a big theme that I use about having clarity in your vision.
So I’m launching a 2020 vision request for the year with my clients. You know, are you crystal clear on where you want to go? And do you… Can you feel it? And have you experienced it as if it’s already happened?
Kim Sutton: Well, you and I were talking about websites before we hopped on and listeners, this is not an invitation to go check out either of our websites. But one thing… One thing that was common for both of us and I, and I want listeners to think about this too, is that you and I have both streamlined in 2019.
Kim Sutton: I know I… My sister kept, and I was guilty of this in the past, too… My sister was on my team for a while. And every time she realized, “Oh, we can do this, or we can do that, or we can do this, she would go and put it on to our service page.“
Sue Salvemini: Yeah.
Kim Sutton: And I had gotten into that habit really early in my business, “Oh, I can do this. Let’s go add it as an offering.” And it became really crystal clear to me in 2020 or in 2019, that I don’t want to be doing everything just because I can and just because I can do something doesn’t mean I should be.
Kim Sutton: Just yesterday. I cancelled a program that I had been hoping would make me millions of dollars, like literally millions of dollars, because I realized that I was only in it for the money. I had no passion for the product, whatsoever. And I cancelled the people who were subscribed to it. Sent them a refund.
Kim Sutton: And I explained, you know, I’m not putting my… my best foot forward and giving the best results, because I’m stretched too thin, number one, but I’m stretched too thin because I’m taking on projects that I have no passion for. And I let them know, you know, “It’s not that I don’t want to support you, I just realized that my genius zone is not here.”
Sue Salvemini: Well, it’s funny, you said something that I think is so profound, that resonates with me. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. You know, we all have capabilities to do lots of different things. And just because we’re able doesn’t mean that it makes it right.
Sue Salvemini: And so, you know, often I’ll ask my clients, you really encourage them to get in line with their core values, and what they’re trying to create and build in the workplace. It’s amazing when they gain clarity around what they’re trying to create. And what I mean by that is, I will actually have them work out in many of them are senior executive leaders. So I’ll say what does a great executive meeting look like to you? Like, where is it now? How are you in it? And where would you like it to be in? What would you how do you envision yourself in the ideal setting?
Sue Salvemini: And I have them fast forward and say it’s three months from now. You’re in one of your meetings with your core leadership team. you’re presenting or there’s an exchange between you and the team? What does it look like? What’s happening? How are you presenting? How are you articulating? What’s your connection with your people? What’s the connection of the people on the team with each other, and I really take them through a super deep dive of interest. visioning what it is they want, and they have to articulate it.
Sue Salvemini: And they actually do an exercise where they write it down, as if they’re telling me what they have experienced long before it’s ever really happened. And then what we do is we go backwards, and we say, okay, so where’s the gap? And we work through strategy behind the gap, and identifying what might be getting in the way of that happening. And that’s how we come up with our coaching strategy and plan.
Sue Salvemini: But what I’m getting at is so when you think about 2020, and where you want to be, it’s so I’ve just found when you can grab the vision as if it’s happened, and understand your core values that are associated with the vision, why you want to do it, and what about it is important to you on a very deep level. You’re almost I would say, unstoppable.
Sue Salvemini: Because what happens is you naturally start to move towards that directionally and so it’s different than just throwing some goals out there. It’s about really seeing it successfully happen.
Sue Salvemini: And I can tell you that in my career, I think that it’s it’s profoundly impacted directly correlated to everything I’ve achieved over the years. And in the same light when I miss something or not achieved something that I thought I wanted to or did, I realized that I never had a real clear vision around what it looked like and felt like and what what values it was connected with. So I could very much look in the rearview mirror and say, Okay, well, I never really filtered this one out or dug deeper into it.
Kim Sutton: I want to thank you, because you just helped me figure out two chapters in my book.
Sue Salvemini: Cool.
Kim Sutton: Because I’m realizing that what I just realized that when I am working on something that I am working on for the wrong reasons, I… I will do anything that I can to justify why I’m working on it. And when the justification gets tough, that’s the first sign to me that it is time to let it go. And then I, I begin to resent it.
I don’t want to resent my work.
Sue Salvemini: Well, and here’s my question for you. So when you think about this, and when you’re setting the work, so when you’re a goal, goal, achievement oriented person, and I know this from myself, I know this from my clients, it’s very easy to project manage your life, right? You know what you’re doing, and you start to set tasks and the project along the way. And that’s great. It’s a critical element to being successful.
Sue Salvemini: However, this is the question I would encourage you to ask yourself as you’re doing that.
What is it?
Sue Salvemini: What is it that I will feel or hope to feel when I accomplish this?
And this isn’t about being touchy feely, this is about having a visceral understanding of what values you’re honoring, and what you’re going to feel when you’re done or when you’ve completed the task.
Sue Salvemini: And then the next question and this is really where it gets more, more intensive.
What is it about that feeling that’s important to me?
Kim Sutton: Those are so deep. And so I want to thank you for sharing those and listeners, I hope you were listening because a couple years ago, my littles tore apart my first vision board. And in retrospect, I realized that that was a blessing. Because my first vision board was all materialistic. It was cars and houses and clothes and I had no emotional pull to those except for the financial aspect. You know, I got this because I got a lot of money. How did I get the money? How did I feel? What? What was I working on? That allowed me to have that one.
Kim Sutton: So after they tore it apart — I’m laughing because I remember walking into the office and seeing them pull the magazine pictures off the foam board and just all the pieces and I was initially really upset — and then I put together a new vision board, which is feelings. It’s more like a feeling board. That’s the best way I can say it.
Sue Salvemini: So… So… Here’s… Let me… Let me ask you this because this is so important. This happens this comes up all the time. When you put the cars the the whatever the monetary things on the board — because these were not lost — When you put those on the board, what was the feeling other than the money?
What was the feeling that you were looking towards having as a result of that, that those pictures were depicting?
Kim Sutton: I can’t even tell you. I thought that fame and fortune though. My primary drivers with everything.
(Transcription still being cleaned up. Thanks for checking it out!)
Okay, so what about so let’s keep going with this? What about the fame and fortune was resonating with you? What was nothing?
It was all about at that point in my business, it was all about quantity. Not quality. Was it about conquering adversity? Was it about success was about success of ego.
Okay, so so this is important because success and ego are not nothing, none of these are bad. Okay? It’s if we attribute what goes into it as bad if we have judgment around it so so then what we go to is success and ego. Okay, so you, you this is sort of a process. I know we’re doing it in a quick podcast, but this is what I do in the book a little bit so people can self guide themselves through this. So what is it about feeling successful, that’s important to you and you don’t even this is something that you go through and where, hopefully where you land is you start to get ready reel with one what the what the ultimate goal is? And then we circle it back Can I say okay, so success and ego feeling accomplished, maybe feeling like you, you know, some in some situations people are trying to demonstrate to others in their life that they can do something. It was all about security to me.
I had to be honest, because I, my parents divorced when I was young one did really well financially and the other one did not. So, and I lived with the one who struggled. So there was always that sense of insecurity. I mean, are we going to have salutely again, and I thought that, you know, by having the fancy car in the big house and the Prada bag, that was that was a dream of mine, and that that would mean that I was secure. And as I’ve evolved for these last couple years, I realized that a Prada bag, as gorgeous as it may be, does not mean that any part of my life is secure. Wow, the bag is not holding my security the bag could mean that I have $5,000 in credit card debt now because I charge the bag. Right.
So So and it goes back to so what ultimately, for you and it’s different for everyone contributes to your sense of security
at this point
there there is still that sense of financial security. Mm hmm. Now, I would love to know that there is a year of expenses personal expenses for my family in a savings account. Mm hmm. But the Prada bag does not represent my my security anymore.
So what you what’s transitioned for you is it starts with money and then there’s ways that we demonstrate to ourselves into the world that we have money, okay. But what it’s evolved into is recognizing that at the end of the day, it’s about security in A sense of knowing that you can provide and support your family for x months. So it’s it’s it’s come full circle and I’ll tell you it’s money is, is a real topic security financial security is a real topic and a real feeling. And people struggle with this in so many different levels. And let’s face it, you need money to live to provide, okay? And what happens with people is when they lose sight of what it is they’re actually trying to or aligned with. It can get messy and then all of a sudden they can have X bazillion dollars but still not feel secure or successful. Those are two things that come up constantly in coaching. And so a lot of the work that I find is being done is I’m helping my clients get reconnected with the value their values, and it doesn’t mean it’s in contrast to wanting that. But what it does is it allows him to To appreciate what they have accomplished and where they are financially, so that they can connect it more with what’s really important to them, that maybe they just missed. And I don’t know, if I’m articulating it well, it doesn’t mean it just takes them to. I mean, I people that are, you know, six and truthfully seven figure earners that don’t feel successful. And what’s interesting is because they associated initially in their career or their journey, that when they were a millionaire, they would then feel successful. So now they’re, they’re a millionaire. True, true stories.
And they don’t feel successful. And they can’t understand why.
Or the other part is they’ve achieved they finally they’re now a CEO, or CFO or on the senior executive team, they’ve quote made it their whole career. They’ve wanted to move up the corporate ladder and they now are in that role, sitting as part of the executive team. They don’t feel it. And what I spend a lot of time doing is helping them reacquaint, they go back through their journey. It’s not therapy, they’re not looking backwards, it’s more importantly, moving forward. What are the values that they’re honoring? What’s the vision for themselves? And how are they? What are these definitions that they’ve created along the way that ultimately are getting in the way of how they’re able to appreciate and thrive in exactly where they are?
So I am a big movie buff. Yeah, remembering actors and actresses. Names is not my thing, though. So don’t quiz me ever. Don’t worry. You are so safe with me. If my husband was listening to this he would be doubled over laughing right now.
Is that you? Do anyone know?
One of my favorite movies, however, is the family man with Nicolas Cage. That is one Yeah, I do you remember? Yes. And everything that you just said made me think of that movie, beak. enlisting. This is not giving away the movie, you can read this little part on the back wall.
I don’t know who who it is a great it’s a it’s it’s a phenomenal movie.
He’s a high achieving.
I think he’s the president of this company. And he’s got the penthouse. It’s bigger than any other in the building and a fancy car that I wouldn’t even know what brand it is. But then he gets another glimpse of what his life could have been. And he goes through some experiences. That’s all I’m gonna say. So I think I’m sorry, go ahead. I was just gonna say it makes me think of the six and seven figure top levels who you who they thought that that’s how they were going to feel, you know, the satisfaction, and all of a sudden, they might realize something’s missing.
So and So what’s interesting is that I don’t want to imply remotely that that there are people that have achieved much and aren’t appreciated. of where they are. Oh, absolutely. I really want to because i don’t i don’t think one means you. I don’t feel that I don’t want anyone to think from it that you can’t have both.
Oh, what are you
both I’m I’m in both. I feel that I feel that each day. And I mean this genuinely, I really am appreciative of where I am. And I try to stay very much in touch with what those feelings are that I’m trying to create, and be focused on where I am now and not where I think not tomorrow when I do this, then I’ll and I catch myself I think I’m very guilty of that. But we, we fall into this. When I achieve this, then I’ll feel blah, blah, blah. And everyone does it. When I get this promotion, then I’ll feel blah, blah, blah. When I finish this contract proposal, then I’ll feel and even me more recently, I’ve been working with an aging parent, and it’s been when I’m when the house is sold and my dad’s back. Business shut down, then I’ll feel relaxed. And when I catch my guilty, guilty guilty, I catch myself with this like this grabbing on to the future for me to rush through so that once I get through with it then I’ll feel and it’s almost like a barrier to feeling it now I have to stop myself I don’t want to say I’ve done this very well over the past three months but I hit me right between the eyes as I was in a podcast, you know talking about this, whoa, I’m doing that when I that sub subconscious when I get here then I’ll feel blah, blah, blah. And I thought no, I need to feel it now. So causes you to pause, look at where you are today. And say what is it about the feeling I’m trying to achieve in the future exists for me today. And the way I help clients do that and I way encourage people is really look at what values you’re honoring today. That are Have you where you are.
Hey there, my friend. I Hope you’re enjoying this episode of the positive productivity podcast. I wanted to take a quick moment to invite you to join the work smarter, not harder challenge over the course of 30 days these free, yes, free short videos will teach you a few of the systems and strategies I set up in my business so I can get away from my computer and back to the people I love. I invite you to sign up now at work smarter, not harder, challenge calm. Again, you can sign up at work smarter, not harder. challenge.com. So how much of the ability to connect with oneself Do you believe affects a person’s ability to connect with other people? Because I know that we impact and influence are really important to both of us. And I’m seeing the correlation of my ability to connect with myself and really listen to myself has its It’s reciprocal the right word. The more I can connect with myself, the more I can be truly authentic and transparent and connect with my community.
I think it’s I think it’s directly related. And I think there’s an element that’s, that’s actually even bigger than all of it. And it has to do with the word judgment. So, so much that we experience, see and think about, we have a judgment of it being right or wrong, good or bad. And as a result of that judgment, and that evaluation, we then have corresponding thoughts and emotions around it and actions. So, and this goes for how we view things for ourselves and others. And what happens is the more judgement and evaluation I would say judgment is a bad thing. The more evaluation we have and measurement of what something is that we’re listening to observing, participating in this Being good, bad, right? Wrong. We are limited in our ability to listen and hear and respond.
if if my evaluation of you how much so let’s let’s talk about what I was talking about with you before, I have this social media challenge. It’s not something I’ve ever really enjoyed. I’ve felt I’ve had a very strong opinion about it, that I don’t want my life out there. Well, I’m in the business I’m in right. So I’ve had a judgment about it as not being great. Therefore, my ability to act and move forward has been limited because my view of social media is limited by my judgment. Okay. If I can remove the judgment or actually say, Well, wait a minute, if it’s not good or bad, it just is the platform. What’s the opportunity, what’s the opportunity in it? And we talked about it’s like, well, the opportunity is, given the work I do and the work you do, and the amount of people around the world that tap into social media, there’s a greater opportunity to reach more people and help others have the impact and achieve the results they want to achieve on an exponentially huge basis. So am I going to allow my judgment of this platform being on uncomfortable for me to block my ability to help others achieve their very full potential and find satisfaction and results in the work they do? You know, and so when I change my view, my judgment of it, it opens up my ability to connect with more people, and then the same light so that’s a sell an inward one, when I’m speaking to a client or when a client’s talking to me or even you and I are on the phone. If I’m listening to you with and trying to remove judgment of what you’re saying and how you’re saying Being good, bad, right? Wrong. It allows me to really just actually shut my eyes and listen to you on a very deep and authentic level, therefore hopefully connecting with you much to a much greater degree than I would be able to otherwise.
Where do you see grace coming in to judgment?
say more about that
2019 was a big year of working out of judgment for myself. I mean, I made mistakes this year. I’m just gonna share one example that you may have heard before. I was over giving. I was over committing I was saying yes, way too much and it came back and bit me in the butt hard, like really hard. And I judged myself really bad on that. I mean, I I held resentment against myself for how it impacted me my business and my family. But then I realized that I needed to give myself grace and realize that this was another learning opportunity. And I don’t think that some people, maybe it’s all people give themselves enough grace for the mistakes that are actually learning experiences along this road.
So your question is where does grace fall into this? I think I think Grace is really the end, everyone will define grace differently, which is why I asked you to say a little bit more. What I’m hearing you say is, where to self forgiveness, or more importantly, self acceptance.
Yeah. I love that. Yep.
And I think I think self acceptance is, is very powerful. I think that we every individual is their own worst critic. I truly believe that. And we’ve talked about it before I have a strong Christian faith. So as a result of that, for me, it allows me a much greater superpower. I call it my superpower. To be forgiving of myself and accepting of myself I don’t even like to say forgiving I think forgiving is some people can view that word negatively towards themselves. So let’s just say self acceptance. I’ve accepted that. I am definitely imperfect. I have so much that’s not not awesome at all laughing because I guess it’s grace. It’s it’s humility, but it’s, it’s just accepting that we’re not always going to get it right. And giving myself the space to move forward. But I’m able to do that because of my faith. Can I call you
out on that though? What’s that? I’ll be sure to call you out. Because for it, my faith is very strong. As a Christian, I I read it. I started my year with a couple books by Christian entrepreneur, entrepreneurs. And one of them said, when we are putting judgment on ourselves, we are doubting our Creator. And so what if what we refer to and I’m guilty of this myself? What if what we’re referring to in ourselves as our imperfections is exactly how we’re supposed to be?
Well, this is I think you’re spot on. And that’s what I believe that we’re perfectly imperfect. And the perfectly is we’re perfectly designed by our Creator, in our imperfect state. And the imperfect state, for me, is just validation that I need my Creator. Amen. So it’s for me. It’s exactly it’s in real. It’s in accepting the imperfection that I am. That allows me to recognize that I actually can’t really do much of this without my greater source in him So, I will be very forthcoming and saying when I was younger, you know that my confidence, I’ve always been a confident person. I believed in myself, and I’ve always had a lot of faith in my ability to do things. And I think what’s changed for me is, I think over the years and in my faith walk, I’ve come to realize how little of what I’ve accomplished as a result of me alone. And I think that over the years, I’ve would say, Oh, you know, I’ve got, you know, God really support I’ve got this strength with God. And I really believe that. What I’ve learned more and more over time that the more the older I get, the less I know. And the more I accomplished, the less I feel. I mean, yes, I propel things into action. But I feel that I’ve got a much greater source fueling it
saves me to know that I don’t know what I don’t know.
Yes. So I think what So to your point, I do feel I do feel that we’re perfectly created. And I think what’s so awesome is regardless of the faith of the people I work with, and even the listeners, and I say this very, very sincerely, I believe, I believe that the people I’m working with and interacting with the people I come into contact with, whether it’s professionally through work or not, that everybody is perfectly designed by the Creator. So what that allows me to do, or has allowed me to evolve into I think it’s a constant journey of development is I try to remind myself of that when I’m working with someone or listening to someone or interacting with somebody that we’re all God’s perfect, which has children created perfectly by him. So who am I to judge that person other than to be another receptacle of listening and love and acceptance to help that person be the very person that God intended? To be loved and so it just gives me so back to your question about disgrace. Does, you know sort of being more in touch with who you are, allow you to connect with others. I think it for me, it’s, it’s more about being connected to my creator and accepting that my creator is your Creator. So that puts us in a really fun place to exist and to learn from each other and to thrive from each other.
So what words do you want to move? Or do you want to live into in 2020?
words do I want to live into?
By the way, I don’t know what my answer would be.
No, and that’s what I’m genuinely thinking because that’s so so right my gut right now my gut is I don’t want to answer unless it’s something really prophetic. That is, that is totally okay. But I want to challenge the listeners to No, I think it’s I think it’s great. So, so listeners, this was not a pre discussed question. And that’s why I love it. So I think the words the words that I try to live into, and I don’t want to say it like it’s easy or it but I really, I want to live into love and acceptance of all people around me. And that goes with my my family, my colleagues, my peers, my my professional relationships and connections. And you know, I think I would love and I work in a highly professional space, but I always, I hope I pray, pray, pray that I can continue or really work intentionally being grounded with the people are in my path and I’m in people’s paths very specifically and intentionally and to see those months As these are these were designed. And my role in that moment is to love and accept and really shine the light of the God that I believe in. And the Savior I believe in and be at least a throughput of that light and by God’s grace and only God’s grace, because it’s not necessarily humanly possible to be that I pray that I do that more often than not. I’m so really I guess I said, love and acceptance. I think, as I’m, as I’m thinking out loud, it would I really want to be, I hope to be more of a conduit so that the love and acceptance and brilliance of the Creator that I believe in, shines through and allows others to experience that and really thrive in that space.
That’s so beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing.
Well, that was a big question and I appreciate you asking me Because, um, you know, these are important things that, you know, I’m noodling over, you know, the business strategy for the year and the plan and the intention. And at the end of the day, those are just tasks. It’s like, it’s a powerful question you asked, and I would encourage everyone to really think about that what? What are the words that you want to live into or grow and, and be through the year on a day to day basis?
In 2019, I realized that I had been hiding in the shadows. Here’s another movie reference, Dirty Dancing. Nobody puts baby in the corner, right. I’ve been hiding in the corner. I was I was afraid to be seen because I didn’t
have confidence in my message.
And I didn’t have confidence that I could make an impact. But I realized I wasn’t giving myself a chance because I was keeping my mouth shut.
Well, let me let me challenge you on this, okay as a as a, as a Christian woman and a woman of faith that we share this. What if I share with you that it’s that you’re just, you’re just a vessel for a greater message that you don’t even necessarily know is going to come through you.
So when you hide yourself or you put yourself in the shadow
How are you serving the greater cause of this message that, that you’ve been positioned to be the vessel for?
And that’s, that was my lesson for quarter four of 2018. And my, my coach actually called me out because I expressed and this was only a month ago, I expressed that I was having challenges presenting offers at this time of year because I know the types of financial struggles that my family has experienced in the past around the holidays, and I didn’t want to contribute to anybody else’s financial struggles. She said, but Kim, when you provide your, your services and and you implement your genius into their businesses, are you contributing to their financial struggles? Or are you helping them out of them? And then all of a sudden, bam, Holy moly, I’m doing my people a disservice. And it’s not necessary. It’s not only about them hiring me. But it’s about being out there and sharing.
I think what’s so awesome about what you just shared, Kim is, you know, often people will look at you I mean, if you look at all the work you’re doing and the great impact you have, there’s, there’s probably this natural assumption Oh, look at Kim. She’s got this all going on this, you know, like no one would ever think that you might doubt yourself or have these struggles and I think what’s great about you being so authentic and Sharing that is that I think it’s important for people to realize that we all have this inner critic, this Gremlin this, whatever you want to call it, of self doubt that says, We’re not good enough. We’re not smart enough. We’re not rich enough. We’re not we don’t have How can I offer this for someone else? If I don’t have it all buttoned up myself, you know. And the truth is, is that everybody is sort of working progress, and you’re just being real. And I love that your coach challenged you on that? Because the, the truth is, we’re, we’re constantly learning and growing from each other. And just because we don’t have it all perfect, which PS we won’t doesn’t mean you stop, you know, moving forward. And, you know, as we look at 2020, I would encourage, you know, I would encourage each listener to really explore what, what is it in your life or what is it the self talk that you give yourself that sort of is interrupting a big dream or vision You have for yourself? Like what is what are you feeding yourself? And, and on another level, how are you aligned to help yourself stay accountable? You know, do you have an accountability partner? Do you work with a coach and that’s not deep find someone that you can really intentionally work with to hold each other accountable and give each other a good space to one be authentic and real. But to to move the ball forward, get rid of excuses, no excuses, yes to progress. You know, in the military, we had an expression that the maximum effective range for an excuse was zero because in the military, you talk about you know, ranges of different weapons. What, what the accuracy range?
Say that again, too, I love that.
So in the military, where you would often talk about different weapons and it would get tested on the effective range. So you know, if You had it and I can’t tell you what they already more but you know, if you had a rifle, it might shoot to 300 meters effectively every every weapon had a range that you could get it hit a target at maximum effective range. So but the biggest thing I did was I didn’t remember the ranges of the weapons that we worked with. But I did remember that the maximum effective range of an excuse was zero. That’s, in other words, right? I don’t need to spell it out. There’s there’s no range, there’s no value and excuse serves nothing. It does nothing. It’s an excuse zero, you get nowhere. So it’s been a mantra I’ve had in my own head. I did use it with my sales teams for years, but it’s mostly fueled me anytime I would hear an excuse coming up in my head for myself, or in earlier years when I worked for someone Well, we couldn’t achieve this because blah blah, blah. It always started with I couldn’t I Didn’t we didn’t we couldn’t because and what followed it after that was like the old Charlie Brown, wah wah wah, wah wah. It didn’t matter what came after it’s an excuse. You know, you’ve got to find a way make away. If there’s something slowing you down, push it to the side, find the other opportunity. It’s about progress, moving a step forward, maybe sideways to avoid an obstacle and forward. But excuses are empty.
They’re empty. Can I have your permission please to use it on my kids and my clients? Yes, you can.
I don’t want to say it’s an original I will be the first to tell you it’s not an original but I use it a lot.
with myself, I have a 17 year old who I might just have to go print that out and put it on his desk.
So it’s um,
it’s it’s it’s harsh reality, if you’re under the truth. It is harsh reality. And I had commanders in the military say that anytime we try to explain Explain why we didn’t meet an objective. You know, and you, you know, it’s sort of it’s funny now as I look back, it wasn’t funny, then they were very serious, because in the military, you either accomplished it or you didn’t. And I was not in the military during a wartime but the the mindset behind that was you know, you either you succeed or people die period you achieve or people die you accomplish what you set out to accomplish or people die lives are lost. And even though I mean, I proceeded, you know, are more active wars that were now unfortunately, people are dying You know, it was very real. And that was where that originated from, from wartime, you know, execution where we either accomplish this or people die, and it doesn’t matter who what said this or that. So I challenge everyone in your own life and in your own, you know, your professional careers, your personal life when you think of all the reasons that something didn’t happen. I’m not saying beat yourself up. I’m just suggesting that okay, move on, find a way find a solution. Because when you’re more focused on the opportunity and finding the solution, you will you will move yourself forward when you lather and lo you know hang out in the all the reasons why something didn’t happen. Okay? Didn’t happen move on.
Let’s let’s make it happen, learn from it and move on.
So what is your I know that you used to do eat your birthday started your goal setting year? But do you only have your goals? And I don’t mean only in the bad way? Or do you break them down into smaller cycles?
Now I break them down and I adjust them all the time and you know, the other. I really believe that goals are what set you into forward motion. But when you back to what we were talking about earlier, when you understand the value in the goal, and I’ll give the perfect example, you know, I I typically have a professional goal of fitness goal, you know, a couple of areas where I try to set something, you know, important that I want to be working on or developing. You know, I have two development goals that are really an area that I want to be improving. But let’s just the fitness goal is a good one just because it just it’s easy to articulate. So I had a goal of running half marathon. Now, the goal, the stated objective was the half marathon. The real goal in it was being physically fit and feeling strong. So back to what I said earlier, it was at the end, when I cross that finish line, what will I feel what do I hope to feel, I hope to feel that I set an intention and really worked hard. I stayed focused on working at something that was important to me. The feeling I wanted to have was that I felt strong and healthy, and that I was really caring for my body and my overall well being. You know, the the other feeling was that I conquered something that I didn’t think was possible for me. So you with me on the feelings that I was associating with?
Absolutely. But sitting here also thinking about your half marathon. So yes.
Sue Salvemini: So the first episode… so I actually visualized crossing that finish line and what it would feel like. So every time I was training for that run, I was seeing myself crossing the finish line. However, in every single run, I was feeling strong, healthy, like I was conquering something that I didn’t think I could long before I was running the 13.1 miles. I was I was so I was enjoying the very purpose of the goal was to, you know, set something that I had to work towards, however, the the benefit, and the value in that was because I fast forward and said what do I want to feel as a result of this? The very thing I’ve encouraged Are you To do our listeners to do it myself to do as we look forward to the next year, you then take those feelings and you put them you make sure that you are able to really enjoy them in the moment. So the truth is, it didn’t matter whether I whether I ran the half marathon, because everything I wanted in preparing for I was realizing in the moment, every single run, I was realizing that, okay, so I didn’t, but but you asked me if I break the goals down and if I have different goals along the way I do, you know, and they change just like you said things, things change. So, you know, one of my professional development goals for the year is to really, really get my arms around social media platforms, the value of them how to use them, you know how to really enjoy them. So, just you know, yesterday I sat with a colleague that seems to use Facebook very well. literally sat with her for an hour to try to wrestle through Getting my arms around the great value that that platform serves. You know, and so at the end of the year, I say at the end of the year fast forward or in six months, I sometimes will break it down. You know, what, where do I hope to be? So in answer your question, yes, I break them down. I look at them quarterly. I say what do Where do I want to be in depending on the specific you know, overall goal, I break it down into what does this mean? You know, I did a fair amount of speaking last year, I love speaking. So you know, okay, I wanted to have some speaking engagements. So let’s so now break it down. It’s okay, so what do I want by the end of March? What would moving towards that goal look like? And maybe it’s not speaking engagements in q1. But it’s, I feel like I’m in that space because people see me as a speaker. They’re asking me to speak at XYZ. So I do break it down and make it real, but I break it down based on how I start to visualize it.
I’m blown away. And I just had a crazy idea.
So we’re wrapping up 2019 with a new year’s episode right here. I just looked at the calendar. Will you come back and do a wrap up of 2020 with me? Oh my gosh, yes. I’m so that’s I know that’s way out. That’s okay. I get to come back and say no a year from now. But listeners what I would love to do is and what I will do, I want to I want to put a form on the show notes page, where listeners can put down their goal for let’s just say six months, and then six months I can set up the automation to send you a Hey, this is what you said How are you doing? Because I would love to be able to go through those and see how people did and then talk about it when we come back.
Well and this is the key This is the key Kim, when listeners when you state your goal, okay, what the way you need to state it Is as it’s as if it’s July 1. Kim and Sue. I’m so excited to share with you. It’s been six months since we first heard this podcast. And this is what I’ve accomplished. I’d set the goal and this is where I am today, July 1, and this is the adversity I overcame. And this is what I learned about myself and the people around me. And this is what I accomplished at work or with my fitness or with my business, whatever it is, write the goal, as if it already happened.
Trust me on this.
And if you need more support with that, I can I can feed you that. But right the goal as if it already happened, so that July 1, when Kim’s looking at this or sending it out, you’re revisiting it. Just trust me it’s going to be so much fun to hear of all of the success.
That is amazing and I absolutely love it. And I love I’ve also been writing my goal, my, my goals from a gratitude standpoint. I am thankful that I have. So yes, I’m going to put that form on the show notes page, which you can find it KIM SUTTON comm forward slash p p 634. In go fill it out and what’s the proper verb for that? Because I don’t want to say forward for forecasting. But right, your goal from the point where you achieve it, right.
You feel your vision. And there’s a there’s a section in chapter two of my book. Yeah, that I’m wondering if we could even provide a link for that you could, they could get that portion and they could go through the exercise. So let’s circle back and make that happen for them.
Yes, that will definitely be in the show. in the show notes. Listeners come back because we will do Well, subscribe, you gotta subscribe. But definitely look forward to us coming back on New Year’s 2020 I am so looking forward to that this has given me this has gotten me so pumped up for 2020
like I already had it in my head.
I had it in my head 20 colon 20 in 2020. Right, like how it’s all crystal crystal clear. I can’t wait to see how we’ve both grown and evolved in because it feels like every time I think I’ve grown as far as I can grow. It’s like my kids going through the growing pains right now. Then it happens again. And I’m like, Oh my gosh, did that really just happen in a good way? So I look forward to coming back in a year.
Well, when we need to do our goals and articulate those. So our vision boards,
why don’t we include those in the show notes.
I think that’d be Great.
Yeah. So centers over to me listeners again just visit the show notes and you will have them and we will include the use of chapter two chapter seven, chapter two,
I two is feel division one is about embracing values but chapter two has exercises to feel division. So I will pull that together so that they’re in the show notes, just some prompts and direction to help them with that.
Kim Sutton: Fabulous. Well so for anybody who wants to learn more, and I would imagine that a whole lot of people do where can they go to… To connect with you?
Sue Salvemini: Go to… the best thing right now is go to leadershipbychoice.com. That is the publication’s page on my website. Now that we’ve talked about websites…
Kim Sutton: I know I hesitated to ask the question.
Sue Salvemini: It’s okay. It’s okay. Lsteners, I am working at having my website. re… overhauled but leadershipbychoice.com is my website, and information on the book is there, the audio book is now up and live. Yay. Big, big accomplishment. I’m super excited about that. But um, and you can connect with me there. Send me a quick note. And I would love to connect with you and hear your journey and certainly help you and give you any resources you need to help you have a super intentional 2020 with crystal clear vision 2020 vision, but most importantly to hear about your success in six months and then again in 12 months. So…
Kim Sutton: Sue, Happy New Year. Thank you so much for coming back for part two.
Sue Salvemini: Yes. Happy New Year to you. How exciting.
Kim Sutton: Yeah, I’m super excited for this year, like more so than than the many say more excited now than I was 90 minutes ago. So thank you.
Sue Salvemini: Good, good.
Kim Sutton: Thank you.
Sue Salvemini: I am too. I am too, Kim.
Kim Sutton: Alright, do you have a parting piece of advice or a golden nugget that you can leave listeners with?
Sue Salvemini: Oh, my golden nugget is just again to say it again. You really are perfectly you. There is only one you. Don’t try to be anyone else other than you, and just work at being the best you that you can be.