PP 168: Waking Up To Something Better with Bryan Falchuk

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Kim: Welcome back to another episode of Positive Productivity! I’m so happy to have you here. And today I’m thrilled to introduce our guest, Bryan Falchuk.

Bryan is the bestselling author of the book “Do A Day: How to Live a Better Life Every Day“. He’s also a regular contributor for Inc Magazine. And there’s so much more but, I’m going to let Bryan, tell you all about it.

Bryan, welcome to the show. Thank you so much for being here.

Bryan Falchuk: Thank you for having me.

Kim: Would you please share more about your amazing story with the audience.

Bryan Falchuk: Yeah. So I feel like I always go down this long rabbit hole when I get the back story so, if – I’m going too long please just jump in and be like “that’s great but you’re – you’re boring everyone”. So, I’m – I’ll get this out of the way. I’m an insurance executive by day. So that’s like the least exciting part of my life. So we’ll set that aside.

Bryan Falchuk: But, there’s two really big components of my back story that define a lot of who I am, as a person – and I’m a father, and husband. A lot of it ties to that but, I grew up the youngest of four kids in a family that was coming apart.

So, you know divorce, and I was like 5 or 6 years old. Look, it’s like half the country deals with this, and as that young and a kid you don’t really know how to process those feelings and the kids really just need to feel safe and secure. That’s like this innate basic need that they have and I did, and I couldn’t turn to my parents for that because they were embroiled in their stuff. So, I turned to food.

Bryan Falchuk: You know it wasn’t yelling. It wasn’t moving out. It wasn’t going anywhere. It wasn’t calling me names. It was just there, and comforting, and I would say “slowly but surely but it was actually pretty rapid”. I went from being a skinny little active kid to actually morbidly obese. And I spent my childhood right through – most of high school really overweight, and the last weight that I got to was 248. That I know of like – that’s the last weight I saw on a scale and then, I just stopped weighing myself because I couldn’t deal with it. So, I probably got up into a bit 260’s maybe 270’s something like that.

Bryan Falchuk: I was really lucky to have a very dedicated caring person at my high school, who ran the P.E. program who, helped me just change my relationship with my body and wellness. And it was the first time I was going into like a physically active situation. I wasn’t being judged, as like – “you’re fat, and lazy, and you can’t”. It was like – “Oh! Have you tried this?”. “Let me show you how to do this thing”, “Do you enjoy that?”. It was much more like – exploration and figure out for yourself, what you like.

Bryan Falchuk: So, I was able to lose weight in high school which is, great, but, I did it for (?) for several reasons, and I did it about reasons like you know – people thinking I was the fat kid and not wanting to be seen that way anymore or – not wanting to be judged as lazy or not good enough for you know, getting into your teenage years into your 20’s like, you want to start dating, and I was like – well no girls going to like me. So, you know, it was all about this outward appearance and judgment – whether it’s real, or whether it was in my head. But it wasn’t about things deep within me, and to be fair as a teenager, I probably wasn’t ready for that.

Bryan Falchuk: But, because of that – through my 20’s and through my 30’s, I put back on about half the weight and that was slow, and steady, and I never really looked fat again. I just looked – I was like “I looked American” you know – like “I didn’t really look different from anybody else” but I was like in the mid to 20’s by the time I was 32, and that’s the second pivotal like definitional moment in my life.

I was 32 years old. My son was about two and a half and my wife – this is the summer of 2011. She was bedridden with a chronic illness, that had been flaring up throughout her life and never really got diagnosed and she had these flare ups and it didn’t stop. And it just kept getting worse. And so her doctors had basically given up on her. They had given up on her.

Bryan Falchuk: She was losing two pounds a day, and they couldn’t stop it, and they didn’t know why. Her doctor was going on vacation. He was like – “well let’s check it in six weeks when I’m back” and I was like…

Kim: -wait she was losing two pounds a day and your doctor…

Bryan Falchuk: -two pounds a day..

Kim: Her doctor was going on vacation and says “check-in, in six weeks”.

Bryan Falchuk: That’s what I said, I was like “Do the math. She literally doesn’t have the strength to stay out of bed for more than a few seconds to go to the bathroom. That’s about it. And she’s not gonna be here in six weeks” and all he had to say was “Oh, then take her to the E.R. if there’s a problem”. I was just like – this is madness.

Bryan Falchuk: So, that was June 30th, 2011 – that I had that conversation with him, and I went into our bedroom, and my son was standing at the foot of the bed looking at his mom, who was – a stay at home mom and had been there with him every day, and you know – “this is not, what this little boy needs!”. And meanwhile, I looked at myself and say you know – “What! What the heck is going on here? And what am I doing?”. I was overweight again. I was depressed. Obviously, I was a very unhappy with the situation.

Bryan Falchuk: Like, you know, as a spouse, most spouses will face the idea of losing their spouse at some point in their marriage but, that typically comes when you’re in your 70’s or 80’s or 90’s when you’re in – your early 30’s – just having your first kid. So that was a really just – shocking kind of thing to experience. And I felt like I was letting my son down so tremendously because, he’s losing his mother and he’s losing his father just at a slower rate. And I wasn’t the father he needed me to be, you know – I was unhappy. I didn’t have energy. I didn’t have patience – most importantly so, I wouldn’t play with him, or even do anything because it’s like – I have to go do this. You know – I have to go – get food. I have to go – do laundry. I have to go – to work after this. I was miserable. And I was miserable to be around. And this poor little kid didn’t deserve that. On both sides of the coin. And that was such a wake-up moment for me.

Bryan Falchuk: You know the first time when I lost weight, I didn’t have that real reason. The second time, I had a very clear reason, and my responsibility to my son, my love for him, the pride I feel in being his dad, and what it means to be there for him because, it may just be me.

Bryan Falchuk: Not to ruin the story but, I think it’s worth saying – My wife is still alive and that’s obviously an amazing thing and there’s a number of things that happened coming out of that summer, that turned her story around and mine. She is still sick but, it’s something we deal with every day and it’s not threatening her life anymore.

Kim: That’s amazing. I’m so happy to hear that!

Bryan Falchuk: That’s important to you know – spoiler alert but that’s kind of an important thing to share that, she is still here. Yes…

Kim: I mean, you’ve said so many things that have resonated with me already. I mean, right away when you said at through 20 you just fit in with so many Americans, and that’s so true right now. I mean…

Bryan Falchuk: yeah..

Kim: -look around. I mean, if we put you in the audience and you probably would be any different from anybody else…

Bryan Falchuk: No..

Kim: -but then you throw in living a life of the half twos and not to get twos.

Bryan Falchuk: Yup..

Kim: I’ve been there. I have so been there. And it was actually not that much different of a time from you. It was 2008, 2009, 2010 and in that period and the half twos had led to – me actually eating, and putting on a lot of weight and being depressed and – but, I didn’t have the serious health issue which is worse.

Bryan Falchuk: Yeah, but that’s American too, the have tos, and I think actually the most American thing of all, and this is what I work with people a lot when I coach them is this – mindlessness, you know we’re just sort of we’re going through life, we’re not living. It’s all the stuff you have to do – it’s not… There’s no reason for it.

Bryan Falchuk: There’s no other than my responsibility, or obligation. There’s no desire. There’s no purpose. There’s no passion, and very quickly you become an automation and you become really unhappy, and so it’s no surprise so many people are overweight.

Bryan Falchuk: I mean aside from our, our food and the system and advertising and all that. There’s definitely things stacked against us but, we don’t do things with purpose or reason and that’s, that’s what became clear for me. And in a sense I’m lucky that I had it shoved in front of me because, I’m not sure that I would have woken up otherwise.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. No you don’t have to have a gun in your face to wake up and say “Hang on, I want to do better. Somebody help me”.

Kim: Bryan, if you had been asked back then – What was your why? What do you think you would have said?

Bryan Falchuk: It would have been – much more tied to tactical things that need doing, like paying the bills, and cooking the food, and doing the laundry, and that’s a heck of a purpose. That’s an employee. You know that’s not a..

Kim: So, you were an employee of your life?

Bryan Falchuk: I was an employee of – my situation or of my life. You know I was the guy who did the stuff, I wasn’t in act like – my wife and son were the family, and I worked there, that I wasn’t among them – that’s on me.

(Kim: Right.

Transcription still being cleaned up. Thanks for checking it out!)

Bryan Falchuk: That was the big difference, and part of that is – how I’m wired, and there’s a whole other side of my backstory from – how I grew up around the divorce situation that led me to be a doer, like I’m a doer and a fixer, it’s how I’m wired. So, part of that’s – that’s my natural inclination. But, if you let that go too far, and if you let that happen without – any purpose or mindfulness then you just end up being an employee of your life. And that’s I mean if that doesn’t sound attractive to people like that’s – that’s just not the way to live.

Kim: Oh! I’m sure that it’s resonating with so many listeners. I know it’s resonating with me because, yeah, I too was – an employee of my life – a slave to my life to be – let’s just be totally honest I was a slave to my life. I was living to work, to pay the bills, to buy stuff that I didn’t need, to make myself feel better – for which I had to go back to work, to pay the bills for the stuff. I didn’t need.

Bryan Falchuk: Yeah. The business cycle.

Kim: Yeah! and then there was no time to spend with my kids or my family because, I was – I mean at that point – the time of that specifically sticks out in my head that resonates the most with that. Wow “resonates” seems to be my word of this episode. Was – I was working – I was having to leave my house, – and I was living here in Ohio but, I was driving an hour to and from work so both ways. And then I was trying to build a business on the side, and I honestly had no passion for that business either. I was doing…

Bryan: Oh, your side business?

Kim: My side business had no – was only attached to income. It didn’t have anything to do with impact. So Bryan, at the end of that actually maybe – there is a health issue to bring up here, at the end of that I was sleeping two to three nights, or two to three hours a night tops, and I ended up going – I don’t think I’ve even ever disclosed just how far down the rabbit hole that went for me I ended up starting to hallucinate….

Bryan: I’m sure.

Kim: I’m so depressed, and I – the final straw was I felt like driving off a road and was committed, and that that was the big eye opener for me – the first because, actually that was the first of two times. But yeah, it was. Listeners, I was only committed once. You only ever need to be committed once, and you get the realization that “OK something’s got to change”. Take my word on that but, don’t let it get there. There’s more to life than – working for money and being a slave to your life. So Bryan, I know I’m interested and I know listeners are interested. What did the journey look like after that point?

Bryan: It was a really start changer, I just – not to dwell on it but thank you because, that was a lot of deep and powerful. So you just revealed about yourself that – I mean you clearly get it, and you see – just how big the cost of living your life in this way. And that’s you know I didn’t get quite that far but, I was – I was dying you know as I say like – my wife was dying more immediately, I was dying just at a much slower rate but, still not acceptable. And that kicked me hard enough. I woke up the next morning literally – I could feel the difference as soon as I woke up, and I was like “Look! I have this purpose, and this clarity. I’m best not waste it!”. And I had been working out, but it was like – get on the electrical and cover the screen with a magazine or was before iPad so I could have a show on it, but like basically, tuning out for – 30 minutes and then things beeping cause it’s finished. And you know maybe I’m a little sweaty so, no more that – I got on the thing, I put in an interval program, and I pushed myself hard, and I was drenched at the end, and exhausted but, I was – I had this huge smile on my face cause it feels like “That was awesome!”. It brought me back to those high school days where, I was like you know getting into the fitness thing, and feeling really empowered, and it was like “This is great!”. And you know, then – I went to work, and I was not in a happy situation at work, and I started – that was a much longer process but, I started to put some pieces in place to change that situation. I tried very actively to be different – in my family situation which, was beyond me, and my tools at the time. So I sought help.

I started talking to someone, you know, and that was an active step that – I would not have taken before because, it would have been like war. “I don’t have time for that!”, and “That costs money!”, and you know all the reasons why self care for me, had to take a backseat because, everyone else need to be cared for. And there’s all these corny sayings but they’re just true. “You can’t care for anyone else, if you don’t care for yourself. If, you’ve fallen apart. What are you supposed to do for others”, and “If people are depending on you, you absolutely have to take a moment to make sure you’re in a good place”, and you know what – we’ve figured it out. We worked out the timing, worked out like the money you know – insurance covered it like – it was actually completely doable. And I was catastrophizing, how much of an impact all those things would have before, but now and this clarity, and I so the reason: why it was so crucial, and I went at it with a different attitude. So, that really was like every – everything that I started to do – I went out with a very different feeling, and the first piece was “self-love”, “self compassion” so, “no more judgment”. I had spent my entire life judging myself because, I was judged from such an early age – around my weight that, you know that’s the soundtrack that plays in my head, and I – then internalize that, and so it’s just enough – with the negativity enough – with feeling like a failure or – “Why is this happening to me?” or any of that. I need to just allow for the possibility that “I’m OK” and, “I can have an OK situation” you know because, somehow despite all the terrible things that I thought were happening – “I’m still alive, and I’m doing OK”.

So, you know at what point do I pause, and say – “Wait a second, like you know, my wife still alive, I have an amazing son. We have we have a home. We live in a good area – like we were safe. I have a job whether, I like it or not, it’s still a good job, and it pays all the bills, and Is it really – really the end of the world? No!”. So, that was the foundation and then I had this purpose all the sudden. And then when I started to do was point those two things that really specific goals to better my life. And – the first was around my weight. So I was 222 pounds and nineteen point five percent body weight. On July 1st 2011 and I’m won’t forget any of those numbers. I hope, we’ll see how when I get older. But for now I still remember, and I said you know it’s July by the end of the year – I want to get down to 185 – 180 was what I’d always been told was probably the right weight for my my body. But I was like you know 185. That’s that’s a good place to be, and that’s a pretty meaningful goal. You know it’s almost 40 pounds. That’s pretty serious, it’s not like – I’ll lose three pounds like, I don’t know how you lose three pounds? How do you purposely do that? So, it was something I had to take some specific actions to get to. I set out a spreadsheet and excel so, I could track my progress, I was weighing myself every day, and I didn’t get there. So, I didn’t get to 185 by the end of the year. I got to 180 by October by my birthday actually. My thirty third birthday…

Kim: So, in half the time?

Bryan Falchuk: Half the time, and – it blew my mind! I had lost 100 pounds before so, you think losing 40 you wouldn’t scared me as much, but I think because, I recognize it’s not – I wasn’t overweight because, I was eating too much or exercising too little. I was overweight because, my life was not being lived the way I needed to live it. So, the weight was a symptom, and it’s the same thing as a little kid. I just didn’t get that. So, now I understood, and I was like “Alright! it’s not as simple as like – OK I’m just going to diet and exercise. No! It’s like – I need to also work on my mind, – I need to work on my relationship, – I need to work on being a dad. – I need to work.” I’m like, losing weight takes actually – changing your life. And I firmly believe that you don’t just change one aspect of your life in a vacuum. You have to re-evaluate, and move the whole thing in the right direction. So, because of that – that pushed me to do even better than I even imagined I could. And once you have that kind of success like you just keep going.

Kim: Great!. Absolutely! You brought up an incredible point about – How we can often get concerned about how much is it going to cost? And we don’t look at things – we don’t look at situations with the right set of priorities sometimes, and we don’t also consider the circumstances of – “If we don’t do this, what is actually going to cost us?”

Bryan: Yeah..

Kim: When it was your wife, I know you would have put whatever money you needed to – to take care of her, and if it had been your son the same thing…

Bryan: For sure!

Kim: But let’s – let’s get real for a second. When it comes to us we don’t do that.

Bryan: Yeah!

Kim: How much would you say that this investment in yourself actually cost? and How much do you think it would’ve cost? I mean taking your – your life would have been the biggest cost if you hadn’t.

Bryan Falchuk: So, the reality is – setting aside a bunch of workout clothes that are probably didn’t need to buy, but I did. It really didn’t cost very much at all. True out of pocket. You know I look like – look like I’m – I’m a vegan, and that’s one of the things that I changed along the way, and I happen to eat organic as much as I can so, that costs more money, but I’m not buying meat. So, the trade-off is – to people I was like “Oh that’s so expensive”. I’m like – “How much you think steak costs?”. That’s not an issue, that’s like – it take so much time. It’s like – “Do you think like you know, meatballs and spaghetti with cheese on it like just appears fully cooked in front of you?”. Oh! So, I haven’t – I think I’m on balance, I’m actually the net zero – on the food side. On the health side, – I’m not spending a ton on prescription drugs, and constant doctor visits, and whatever so, you know I think I’m doing fine there too. I have a job, and I have health insurance, and so like – I have coverage for a lot of stuff, but there’s a lot of things that we do outside of that covered insurance world for my wife, and for myself – that’s what saved her life, and you know I’m not gonna – to not spend on those things, and then if I asked myself – “What would it cost if my wife had died?” you know having to have a full time nanny or what. Like I’m not doing that math. So I hope no one’s looking at me is like “Wow! He’s really shallow”. But, I mean if you really want to get down to it – it’s like we make decisions about the right investments, and you don’t compare that to zero. It’s not like – “Oh this costs a thousand dollars, and I’m not – not doing it as free”. No! Not doing it has ramifications, like if – I died or – if I you know maybe it doesn’t take me dying, maybe we get divorced. and I’m pushed out of my house divorcing free. You know it’s super expensive, and the years of impact on my child certainly not free – financially or otherwise. So, I don’t look at it as you know we made this big investment, and didn’t work out. It’s pretty clear, and I haven’t laid out the numbers but, it’s pretty clear that – I mean at least break even but probably far – far ahead.

Kim: Oh! I think we’re far far ahead…

Bryan: Yeah..

Kim: -and that’s the only point I was trying to get to – Is how far ahead you are from making those not only financial investments but, you and your family…

Bryan: Yeah..

Kim: -and time investments?

Bryan: I don’t think you can pick it apart. So, someone asked me “Do you regret going to this college versus that one?”, and I was like – “Well I went to that college, and then I went to graduate school which is where I met my wife, which is she worked there, and you know I love my son – some crazy and he exists so, like if I didn’t go to college what I’ve gone to that school – Would I have met her? Would he exist? So, what was the point of the question?”. You know it’s like everything in my life – if you change one aspect of those investments, and betterment – Would I have any of what I have now? – Would I have a book that’s helping change people’s lives? – Would I you know, me writing in Inc magazine? – Would I have a son who hugged me so tight because, he’s so happy to be around me? You know like I have an amazing job. I have an amazing family. It’s not all roses for sure but, I wouldn’t have the vast majority of these things if, I had compromised on – any of those things.

Kim: That is so beautiful! I feel almost bad circling back around me but, well I do want to teach people to take care of themselves, and remember to sleep. I mean so many of the points that you’re bringing up to – about investing in self caring and all of that. If I hadn’t gone through this then, I wouldn’t be able to share the stories.

Bryan Falchuk: Right. Right..

Kim: Listeners, one of the reasons why you need to sleep so, that you don’t get committed is your – health insurance. If you have health insurance won’t necessarily cover that, and it was a multi-ten tens of thousands of dollars. Five day vacation. It would have been less expensive to invest in the beginning of a self care journey, and a vacation to Hawaii, than go to the mental hospital. So just do yourself a favor, and start taking care of yourself, and your loved ones today.

Bryan Falchuk: Right..

Kim: Let’s move on to your book, and how that came to be. I love to hear it. Listeners, apart like a huge part of the story between..

Bryan Falchuk: No! it’s all coming together. – It’s all intertwined. So, when I lost all the weight posting on social media and what not people – friends of mine are like – “Wow you’re great! What happened?” and they start to dig into the story, and be like you know “I was shocked with what was going on with your wife.” what’s – you know so they start to pick the whole thing apart, and be like “Could you help me?”, and so I started to just get you know every few days or weeks or whatever a friend would be like – “I’ve seen what’s been going on. Could you can we talk.”

So, people came out of the woodwork – asking for help, and so kind of you know – without any purposefulness to it. I ended up having this coaching practice, and I got certified as a personal trainer – not to go and help people pump iron but, just to have some more the tools and the understanding behind it, and it was it was really focused around – fitness and wellness, and a lot of people in their 30’s and 40’s – looking to lose weight, and that’s fine. And what I found in every one of those instances was – someone who like I said before the-the weight gain was a symptom it wasn’t the problem. So, invariably we’d end up talking much bigger, than just about like – “OK, what are you doing at the gym?” and “What are you eating?” and “How do you make better food choices?”. You know – we talked about career and – we talked about family and it’s like it’s this whole picture, and so, in 2011 I put a name behind all that, and I started something called: new bodies. And that’s that’s my like fitness wellness life coaching business, and I love doing that. That’s my side hustle, and I didn’t do it for the income. I do a lot of my work pro bono because, I just – I’ve got a great job and I kind of like to have the – outlet the creative and mental outlet for something I’m just genuinely passionate about which, I think is really important in a side hustle. She just wrote about this Frank magazine. So if I didn’t think that was important that would be pretty disingenuous for me..

Kim: Listeners, there will be a link to that article and everything else we talk about. Any other resources in Bryan’s book in the show note so much you can find at the TheKimSutton.com/PP168

Bryan Falchuk: Cool! But it just became really clear to me as like I-I get off these coaching calls, and I was just so pumped up, I was so like “Oh! this is awesome”, and what really bothered me was – even if I did this 24/7, I couldn’t help as many people as I wish I could. And talking to someone who’s been a mentor and guide to me, we talked through that, and he was like “Well, Where do you want to take it?”. And you know we had this ultimate vision that I painted. And he’s like “Alright! Now take the steps backwards, and think through what that means”. And I was in California for work at the time. I got up early before my flight the next morning and I went for a run in San Francisco along the Embarcadero which, is just really cool like Pier isn’t really a beautiful area. And I just thought through his question of working backwards, and it hit me as like – I need to write a book, and I know what it is. Like, it’s: “Do a day” which, I’ve been using that term already. It was just so clear to me. That’s how I get scale in sharing this message out. So, on the run I structured the whole book. I was like so anxious I got back to the hotel showered, packed up, headed to the airport, and got to the terminal, and just sat down and sort of mashing my keyboard. I wrote the entire flight home except for the 30 minutes the beginning and end where – you can’t have your laptop out but, the rest of the time was like just tapping away furiously. And I wrote for about 40% 35-40% of the book on – in one sitting basically because, it’s all in me – it’s things I’ve been living, and that’s where the book came to be. So, the whole thing took me about three months to write. And a year to edit – which is damn, (laugh) like editing is the longer part because, you really stop and you think about what you’re saying, and it came out in March of 2017, and I was really blessed that – it was a bestseller on Amazon in its launch. Which is awesome because, that – to me is like – it’s not about the sales, it’s about the fact that-that means a lot of people are getting it, and then I start to get the outreach.

So, pretty much every day for the first six months I get a message from someone, whether it was someone I knew or someone I didn’t. Telling me about – how it was impacting them either to help them, and to help them make a change or to put perspective on things that, they’ve been through that, they hadn’t really been able to process, and I was just like – “This is – why I did this!”.

Kim: I’m just floored because, that’s why I’m doing what I do now. That’s what I’m trying to say. That’s why I’m doing – what I do now. I want to know – that I’m helping people, and it’s so huge when we can find that. I know that your wife and your son mean the world to you. But how amazing does it feel. Are there any words to express how that feels to know that you’re impacting people like that?

Bryan Falchuk: I just know the glow that – I feel inside, and I don’t know if that’s the right word for it or not – that’s just how I feel, like there’s a light that burns very bright whenever, I get that like – I’m so touched and I end up thanking people profusely and they’re like “Why are you thanking me?”. I’m thinking like – “No! You don’t understand like this is why I’m doing this”. I mentioned to you before, we were recording like people like “Are you going to retire with your books a bestseller?”. I Was like “Let me break down the economics of selling books to you, and it ain’t going to happen”. That’s not why I’m doing it, and I don’t care, and I’m happy to give away copies, and all that like – it’s not about sales, I’m doing it to change lives! And it’s not me changing them, I’m giving people hopefully a piece of inspiration to go look really hard in themselves, and in their situation, and change their own life. I can’t change a life. I the only one I can change is my own, and the only one you can change is yours. So, – I share my story – my struggles not to focus on me but just to, – it’s almost like a case method like here’s a bunch of situations where I’ve struggled or where I’ve had a goal – I want to overcome. Let me share that with you so you can understand how I made it through using the “Do a Day philosophy”, and then let me give you some tools to try to build it yourself but, you have to be the one to go off and do it. The book’s pretty short, slick 135 pages. I don’t want you spending hours and hours and hours with my content. I want you spend a little bit of time with me, and then you go off and spend the hours with you. Really dig in, and figure out what actually drives you at the deepest level, and just when you think you’ve figured it out ask yourself – “why?” because, there’s probably a reason beneath that that – you’re not in touch with yet. Once you get that then you start crafting some really meaningful goals, and you go hit them, and were “Do A Day” comes in – is how you hit them. So, it’s not enough to be like “I’m gonna lose 40 pounds by this date” because, what happens when you’ve been doing great. You know you’re down 20 pounds, and then you go out for Jimmy’s birthday at work, and Emily goes to a bar, and you have a beer and three nachos and you start crying like “I’ve ruined everything!” then you run home, and you eat a cheesecake and two pizzas and a liter of coke and you’re like – God throwing everything out so, it’s just it’s-it’s over it’s ruined. What you’ve done is, you’ve taken a judgment of yourself from a past action, and you’ve lived your current life based on that judgment, and you’ve thrown things away because, there’s something that’s not happening right now. So, you know you made those choices in the bar – that you’re wishing now you didn’t make. Maybe there’s a good reason why you did it. Maybe that social interaction was actually something you really needed, and it’s not just about weight loss, you have to be happy all around and it has to be sustainable but because, you’re only looking at this past action as a negative thing you then – move into a depressive decision state. You move into making choices based on insecurity. And when we make choices from insecurity – we make bad choices. So, you know – its when you pile them the cheesecake and the pizza and the soda like that’s when you made the bad choice. But, then just because you that does that mean – everything’s over. – Does that mean the diet’s done, and your whole chance of losing weight. No! It means you get up the next day and you “Do A Day”. You make a better choice today. It has nothing to do with whether you did or didn’t yesterday, and you move ahead. And by the way, if you worked out a time yesterday, and you know you didn’t do more than you expected. That doesn’t mean start cheating like crazy today because, it doesn’t matter because, you built up a surplus. It means like take the fact that you did a great job yesterday, and build from that. You know so we-we have this additive success without the pressure of our past mistakes, or fear of the future. You know we were talking before, about all of the half two’s – are going to pay this bill and, – I’m gonna need to do this and, – I need to do laundry and, I don’t have time for this and it’s like you’re living today in this like stress fulling, I say – because of all of these half two’s later. Well guess

Well, guess what? You’re going to do them later. You know I’m doing them right now. So why are you throwing away – what you can do right now? Because of the pressure of things that may or may not happen later. It’s just – this is life. You know there are things we have to deal with from time to time. But you can’t deal with them all right here right now because they’re not happening right here right now. So free yourself from that yesterday and tomorrow. You can actually achieve a lot right now, and what you’ll find is a lot of those things you were feeling pressure about tomorrow – actually didn’t happen because of how well you did today. That’s what “Do A Day” is all about.

Kim: Listeners. I can’t even remember when I called the episode but episode 155 was something about how we need to stop trying to do everything. But, I’m hoping that you’re hearing in this episode with Bryan that, the things – we have to do, – we get to do and, – the priority needs to be taken care of ourselves..

Bryan: Yeah..

Kim: -so, that we can take care of others. But I don’t mean take care of others, as in – turning ourselves background to be a slave. But, getting to spend our time with others.

Bryan: Yeah..

Kim: I’m – you brought up another great point about actually, I can’t remember exactly how you said it but I was thinking about a parallel between – people who have gastric bypass or winning the lottery. Earlier, you were talking about how we sometimes just need to ask for help, and how you went out, and got help. People who have gastric bypass sometimes slipped back to where they were, and then they get really depressed, and they keep on going down the road and same with lottery winners they win millions, but there is a scarcity mindset and they keep on spending because, they think the money is just going to be gone tomorrow like they’re used to with their paycheck. So, not only investing in ourselves-ourselves but getting the help that we need either a counselor or an adviser to help us on whatever journey our life is taking us on. And Bryan does some of his work pro bono. There are so many awesome people out there – I do coaching pro bono but, there are so many people who are invested in seeing others succeed.

Just keep your eyes open listeners, there’s-there are definitely people out there who – aren’t all about the money and who do want to help even if you don’t have it. Keep your eyes open.

Bryan Falchuk: Yeah.

Kim: Bryan this has been an absolutely amazing conversation, and I do hope to have many more with you even if it’s offline. Where can listeners get in touch with you or find out more?

Bryan Falchuk: Yes. I try to put everything in one place and it’s all at doaday.comso it’s a book called “Do A Day” so, “Do A Day” book. You can find my social media links, I’m super active on Twitter you find can find links Inc Magazine that we talked about. You can actually go to doaday.com/inc  And that’ll take you through it in my section link. We had all that Inc Magazine stuff, social media you can buy the book there and I put the book out literally everywhere. So, wherever you want to buy a book whether it’s paperback or e-book or audio book, it’s literally there. I promise you. But you can find links to doaday.com, there’s a little store link and you can get all that stuff (You can find it here: www.newbodi.es/doaday/shop ). And I also have info on coaching, I do speaking engagements as well so you know that’s all there at the site. But, if people going to doaday.com.  You find it all.

Kim: Fabulous and listeners again. All of Bryan’s links including social media and links to his book on Amazon will be on the show notes page which you can find at TheKimSutton.com/PP168. Bryan, this again has been amazing. Thank you so much for joining us. So you have a last piece of parting advice or one last golden nugget that you can offer to listeners.

Bryan: Yeah. I would just say I’ve absolutely loved this conversation. It’s been really great to share with you especially, I think you understand this is such a deep way. So I-I loved sharing the story with you, and your audience it really came out. If I can leave people with anything it’s that – first building block that I mentioned because, I just don’t think any of any of the rest of it really gets to matter – if you don’t have self love. That, you know just that simple idea of allowing yourself to be good and worthy and deserving and capable. We start with that the rest of it is possible.