PP 162: A Decision To Be Happy with Tim C Star
“It really is just shifting how we look at things.“
Tim C. Star and Kim share an amazing chat about how simple (but not easy) it is to look at your lives from a different perspective, and consciously decide whether we’re happy or unhappy.Tim C. Star and @thekimsutton share an amazing chat about how simple (but not easy) it is to look at our lives from a different perspective. https://thekimsutton.com/pp162 #perspective #mindfulness #positivityClick To Tweet
Episode Transcription – Tim C Star:
Kim: Welcome back to another episode of positive productivity. I’m thrilled that you’re here to join us today and I’m also thrilled to introduce our guest, Tim C Star. Tim, is an author, speaker, and mindset missionary and also the author of My Name Is Prosperity. Tim welcome.
Tim C Star: Thank you. Glad to be here.
Kim: Tim, I love it if you could share a little bit about your background and what you do with the listeners.
Tim C Star: Sure. I am originally from Chicago, born and raised on the south side which is a huge blue collar part of not just the city but the world really. I mean basically everybody is working class and so that’s the environment I came out of. I live in Southern California, now. I have been here for 30 years and haven’t done blue collar work in a long time. But I still really identify with those people and I am for various reasons and maybe we’ll get into the story a little bit.
Tim C Star: But I’m at this point working with people to help them to deal with anxiety isn’t stresses is just the normal stuff of life really that you know at times I think we all get to a point where we just feel overwhelmed and you just kind of spiral down sometimes you can’t take your eyes off of the big black hole that is any particular problem. And it may be a big problem maybe in the greater scheme of things it might be a small problem.
Tim C Star: So I try to help people learn some techniques to shift their focus away from that, if they rise up a little bit to where opportunities are and solutions and really just kind of overcome the overwhelm and learn to breathe again.
Kim: Yeah. Tim, I know your story and I would love if you would share a little bit more because I think it’s still important that listeners really understand and I love it actually how you say and hear about my page on your website that you understand what people go through because you are human and you deal with a lot of the same issues and struggles. Would you mind expanding a little bit?
Tim C Star: Sure. I’d been doing computer support work for 20 plus years and the whole time almost without exception it was as a contractor. So you worked for one company but your services are provided for somebody else. And I spent almost 15 years providing services for the New York Life Insurance Company at their general office in San Diego.
Tim C Star: And when I was 54, long story short I got a phone call from my rep who was in New York and he said, they said to tell you that today is your last day. Go home. So, there was no severance pay because I didn’t work for them. There was certainly no gold watch. No pat on the back. Nobody from that company even bothered to say, “Hey thanks for being here,” you know.
Tim C Star: So I packed up my stuff and went home to a wife who incidentally was already unemployed. So I, for various reasons I didn’t work again for the next two years.
And somewhere along the line I realized that in a conscious way that I didn’t go through the depression, and the fits of rage, or just dark stuff, whatever it might be that the world sort of expects as you’re supposed to do. Especially at that age and you have your job just yanked out from under you.
Tim C Star: So, when I got consciously aware of that then I started questioning will you know, why didn’t this happen to me? In a really, really just boil down to stuff that I had been consuming since I was a kid that my mother thankfully had turned me on to people, you know, the typical names that you find on the earth and thought leaders lists you know, Wayne Dyer and Zig Ziglar and some others that I really like. Robert Ringer is huge, Richard Bach some of his stuff.
Tim C Star: So, all of this stuff ,I just think consuming because it was interesting I really enjoyed the ideas and some of it was stuff that rang true for me and I wanted to improve myself. You know, and so I try to apply things here and there. And you know some of it’s stuck apparently because I just didn’t see life the way it was expected to see my life you know and it just didn’t bother me so much. I didn’t feel like, oh my God you know look what they’ve done to me and now what am I going to do? I didn’t go into that sort of panic mode and stuff
Tim C Star: So, when I pieced that all together then I thought, “You know what? If I can learn this stuff, other people can learn this stuff. I’m not the first one. But I really would like to see people who come out of the same sort of environment that I came out of, pick this stuff up. Because it really is just shifting how you look at things.“
Tim C Star: When I work with people it’s really… We start from the assumption that what we really want is to be happier today than we were yesterday and a little happier tomorrow than we are today. And keep that momentum going and eventually you know, your life is just good and it doesn’t… Nothing else has to change in your… in your world except how you look at it and you can be much happier than you are.
Kim: Isn’t it amazing how easy?
Tim C. Star: Yeah, it’s you know it’s simple but it’s not easy because we learned forever.
You know I think in a certain way and so you need you just need but you need some other input, right? You need, if you just keep going to the TV news and keep hanging out with the same people who had nothing to complain about their jobs, and their families, and their whatever’s, and you don’t change that input, then nothing is going to change for you.
Tim C Star: You’ve got to get a new perspective from somewhere and whether it’s from me, or from you, or wherever it comes from. If something resonates with you, you need to dig into that a little bit because that secret you crack that door open a little bit and let a little light in and suddenly you go: “oh this is pretty cool. What else… You know, what else have you got”. And life starts changing.
Tim C Star: You know, when you learn the stuff- the stuff that you used to really get under your skin starts to just not bother you so much. And it’s great because you just, you find out that you’re walking in a little the area you’re standing a little straighter and life is just better. You have more of a tendency to smile. So, that’s what I’m after.
Kim: It might surprise you and I’m sure it will surprise listeners that for I would have to say the first 30 years of my life, I had a perpetual dark cloud over my head. I’m not saying I was you know, the cranky insert your word here but somebody would say something nice, and I could always find something negative to come back with. A complaint or a gripe.
And then I wish… I really wish I could go back and remember the exact date. Actually, I know how I can do it and I’ll explain it why in a second. No, I’m not a time traveler.
Kim Sutton: I met a chiropractor through a local networking group and I’d never been to a chiropractor before, but I had a constant stiff neck. So I went in because he said he could help me with it and it was our first appointment and we’re now great friends. But during the course of that first appointment, he was having the typical small chat of a first appointment and he asked me if I had heard of the Law of Attraction just because we are talking about favorite movies and I mentioned my favorite movie and it wasn’t a secret and he explained the law of attraction to me and I was so intrigued that I went home and for the whole rest of that day, I was researching. the light bulb just went on.
Kim Sutton: And what happened was, I was married to my ex-husband at the time and it was not… It was never really a great relationship. I just have to put it that way. But he came home and was already unhappy about something that I had done or not done during the day as was typically the case with both of us towards each other.
But I looked at him and I smiled, and he looked at me and he said: “Why are you smiling”? And I said, because you don’t have the ability to make me unhappy anymore. I am the only one who has the ability to control that.
Kim Sutton: That didn’t make him happy, and it’s going to sound horrible but that additional unhappiness just made me smile even bigger happiness. But that change the course of my life forever. And it’s only gone up since there
Tim C Star: It’s so cool! It’s the best word, the most appropriate word. I think it’s just it’s so cool when you have those aha moments and you realize stuff like that where you go. The power is all mine. I can be happy or unhappy. It’s by choice.
Tim C Star: You know most of the time we make that choice unconsciously. We don’t pay any attention. But everything, and this is a big lesson that I got from Wayne Dyer, maybe the biggest. When stuff happens to us. It’s not the event that has the effect on us. It’s how we process it. It’s how we think about it. Because whatever thing that happens we get to decide, well you know am I going to be miserable because of this and just look at the downside or am I going to be willing to look for. Maybe there’s a lesson here. Maybe it’s not as bad as I think it is in the moment. You know, there’s options but we don’t tend to step back in a moment and get good objective about it which is really the trick.
Kim: Oh definitely. You’re in Southern California so I know your traffic can be considerably different from mine in the middle of cornfields in Ohio, but isn’t it amazing how you can be in a traffic jam and you can see those people that are just pissed off? And flipping people off and just having a horrible day because they had to sit there and I just sit there. If I hear the radio on, I’m singing along, dancing to the music, or I put out a podcast, or I sing with my kids. I mean because yes once in a while I do have to go to a quote city nothing like Southern California cities but, even around here you know, you run into… It’s not physically run into somebody but you find somebody. It wouldn’t be beyond me. Ok, I drive a minivan. It wouldn’t be hard for me to hit somebody I just haven’t done it yet, knock on wood. I hope it’s not today. But even, just somebody who needs to get out of the aisle that much faster. I’m surprised that I got to them, by giving them the “I love you” sign language? And they just look at me like, totally confused? And their jaw drops. And once in a while I get the middle finger back and I just laugh. Like “OK”. Thank you.
Tim C Star: Thank you. I’m number one.
Kim: Yes. I love that.
Tim C Star: Yeah. It’s I look at people who are doing the whole weaving’, trying to weave in and out of there, jump and lanes back and forth, and in heavy traffic in the morning going to work or something and….. And it’s like, Really? Are you that desperate to get to work? Or you know because you’re not getting there more than you know eight seconds ahead of me. I don’t get it. But people are cranked up and you know just, you could see some of them grip on it. You can, certain people I see them driving and I just like this person is out there in a frantic mode. It’s just are they’re all over the place. You just feel it. So yeah.
Kim: I love it when they hit the stoplight. The same stoplight and I pull up.
Tim C Star: Yup.
Kim: Your grumpiness isn’t going to get you anywhere faster, people. Neither is that bad attitude towards yourself or others.
Tim C Star: If you’re in traffic and you decide, consciously decide well you know what I can’t do anything about the traffic but I can just try to enjoy myself while I’m doing this you know it gives me a little more opportunity sometimes to look around and see other things I’m passing every day without being able to see them but it flows better. You know there’s a whole new side of why that happens but you get there just as quickly. You know when we were off on a traffic tangent but I have PTSD and it’s not from combat. It’s perpetual tangent story disorder. I’ll shoot off down an alleyway in an instant you know.
Kim: That will be in the shownotes people. I’m sorry that he’s got PTSD. Perpetual tangent story, What was it?
Kim: Oh I love that. You can pick that up and tweet it @ dot Kim Sutton dot com forward slash PP 162. I can hear a whole lot of people going over right now. If they’re at their desk in traffic. Okay back to you Tim.
Tim C Star: All right. I don’t know where I was going with that necessarily just going with the whole traffic subject but…..
Kim: So I think it’s really interesting actually. I’m gonna go on a parallel and then come back to you. I lost a job that I actually detested and I had been saying and this was before I found the law of attraction, but I had been saying for days: “maybe this is the day I’ll get fired or that I’ll get fired” and then it happened. Actually, I had my one and only experience with hyperventilating on my way home. But I realized after the fact that it was the best thing that ever happened to me actually, because of getting fired I met the chiropractor with a networking group and I met my husband and then life goes on and tons more kids and this business and now talking to you. I mean everything for a reason. But after you realized that you had not gone through the depression and anxiety that goes from losing a job, can you share with listeners how that has transformed into what you do today even further?
Tim C Star: There was another event that happened that all contributed. The comment you made about the law of attraction thing and asking to lose your job. That is what happened to me also. I got into that job at New York Life and I realized that a couple of years in and I enjoyed the job and I love the people I was.. I was doing the work for. But I realized that I wasn’t really after two or three years. I wasn’t really going to be learning much. I wasn’t gonna grow in terms of my skill set and around that career. So, I started thinking about well maybe I should think about starting something on a site, or maybe looking for another job, or something. But it was a good job and so I wasn’t all that motivated to do it but, it was in my head and I would think about how I should be. This will last forever I should probably do something, I should start another. I should start a consulting business something and I never did. And then the universe finally gave me what I was asking for. Just wasn’t on my terms. Just dropped it. I’m stuck. You’re done. You’ve been asking for you know, 10 years. Here you go. And that’s how it works when you’re not conscious about it. So the other thing that happened to me was, while I wasn’t working and prior to this I had no intentions of doing public speaking, or anything along that line. But for some reason I got it under my skin that I wanted to start being a speaker and presenting the stuff to people and I got an opportunity to go to a school for at risk kids and do a couple of presentations there for two different groups. And you know I can’t tell you what I went up there to talk to them about it was like a hundred miles from here and so is this long drive and the whole way up there. I’m going through it in my head and it’s changing as I’m driving and I get there and with the first group somewhere along the line we got onto the topic of the book Think and Grow Rich and the idea that it’s you know, it’s on every successful business persons must read list. But it’s not a business book. There’s nothing about business in there. It’s all about mindset and vibration and things and primarily it’s about mindset in the version we can find today. And I was presenting this stuff to them and you could see a few of the faces were there one kid in the front row I still remember, who’s looking and you see his eyes get wide and the smile on his face you know. And after the whole thing there were kids and there were parents mixed into the thing too and then had a couple of different people come up to me and want to know more. And so I left that experience going I want to do more of that because it was so cool to see you know, you see that these were ideas that they just had never been presented to them before. And I don’t know if I changed anybody’s life but, the possibility is there. It’s up to them to do the work right, it’s up to them to investigate further.
But that was really exciting so that helped motivate me to want to do what I’m working towards today and present this to more people and give people you know is not new information. And even if I was presenting it in the same way that somebody else presented it a week ago maybe today it works for you. And I think that I presented in a slightly different manner than the typical languaging that goes around the Law of Attraction conversation but I don’t know that that’s kind of where how I came to be here today. Ten years ago, certainly I never would have predicted that I’d be standing on stages and talking to anybody.
Kim: Oh. 10 years ago, I never thought I’d be behind a microphone talking to people either.
Tim C Star: Yeah, So life… Life brings you all kinds of interesting things and you know there’s so much to this whole topic. It’s this opportunity is one of the things I tried to get across to people is that there are opportunities all around you right now. We’re not trained, we’re not taught to look for them, but they’re everywhere. And when you, it’s like I said earlier you lift your eyes up off of that problem and just take a breath for a minute and things appear or seem to appear there already there really I think. But you know, all of a sudden you can see the answer to your problem or somebody shows up and they’ve got something that can fix what you’re trying to fix. But if you’re so focused on what’s wrong, somebody comes up and taps you on the shoulder, “hey I’ve got the answer”. You’re just like, “get away I’m busy” Right? You’re waving them off. The stuff will go away. You know and you just have to learn to take a step back. Slow down a minute and allow for things to come in. You know, when you put it in terms that you want but it’s really it’s that simple as you just have to relax and allow for some space for something new to come in. If I can say it, it is simpler.
Kim: Yeah. Now, a lot of people that I’ve talked to, do you think it’s so woo woo. But I do endless news. If you’ve been listening you know that I brought up,not in this episode but in previous episodes how I’ve been reading a lot of Joel Osteen and he has a book The Power of I am. And another think better live better. What I’m trying to say is if you’re Christian, if you’re Jewish, no matter what your spiritual background. If your atheist or anything, you still have the power to think a better life into existence. Tim, I haven’t shared this with you but, I know it’s not on my website I don’t even know if I’ve shared on the episode yet. When I knew that my first marriage was coming to an end, and by knowing I mean I already had the apartment. Unfortunately for him, he didn’t know yet but I knew I had to get out if I was going to truly make a better life for myself and my boys. I watched the bucket list. I’d never seen it before and I didn’t have a bucket list but I took the bucket list and actually made a soulmate spec sheet. It was like, 65 different qualities that if I were to ever date a man again, he had to have these qualities within two weeks. OK listeners, yes,you can do the math. I have not left yet. Okay, I was looking for furniture for my apartment. I already had to sign papers and I saw on Craigslist because that’s how I was a little section called men looking for women.
And I went on there and I was only going in there to laugh at the Turks who were looking for women. I found my husband in the men looking for women section on Craigslist. On that day two weeks after I wrote my spec sheet, he has fifty nine out of the sixty two or sixty four.
Tim C Star: That’s not bad huh?
Kim: No. The other things are actually now that I still have the list in my underwear jar not… not because I want it for anybody else but, so that our grandkids can laugh at it someday. Those other five items that he didn’t have, would make him actually obnoxious. I don’t even know why I wanted them. I’m not saying that anybody who does that loud sports, is obnoxious. But I thought I wanted a guy who could do that. That made it onto my list. So that’s the type of stuff that I’m talking about that he didn’t have. I just need to share one little other part. It was always his dream since he was a child, to be a video game developer. However he came out of a blue collar family as well. His dad is still working in the same deal or smelting factory. I don’t know exactly when he goes. Quite honestly it’s a different language to me. But he’s been working there for the last 40 years. So that’s what my husband had gotten used to, that’s what he thought he was going to be doing forever.
And after we started dating and after we got married, he kept on losing his job and I said, you know maybe God is telling you that it’s time for you to pursue your dream and the light just came on and he’s a military veteran and he actually he called the V.A. and within two weeks he was there I just tried to get his college degree and he did. Within three years, everything for a reason is just prospective.
Tim C Star: A couple of things. One is that in that environment we’re not taught to look for other opportunities and we’re not presented with the idea that you can think about doing something else. You’re just sort of raised to go to work.I mean Monday through Friday. You’re, you know nose to the grindstone and weekends you party and Monday you go back and start paying for the weekend. And it’s just a cycle and you just never look up from that and say well you know what else is there in life. And it takes something a lot of the time just takes some new person to come into your life, or some event to happen that makes you look at something else and to trigger it. And that’s, that’s the door cracking open and I was talking about as you go with it you know, what else is there out there you know, and we just don’t aren’t taught to look around.
But one of the things that jumped into my head that were I was trying to interrupt you. Was this how things work is when you know, I think most people probably just sort of bumped through life and we deal with things that arise and we have sort of daydreams about stuff sometimes but never put any particular effort into sort of sending out a message to the universe, “hey this is what I really want”. And we just sort of bump through life. But when you get clearer and you consciously say: “I want this” when you make a list of 62 items and write it down. This is, this is what I’m looking for. Then the universe knows with clarity what you want and it tries to give it to you. But you know, the flip side of that is when we’re focused on all the negative crap universe gives you that too it’s whatever you focus on.
Kim: Tim, I’m thinking about our PreCheck chat. I was telling you this story about my kids that are running around the office.
Tim C Star: Yes.
Kim: Listeners, I’ve got five kids you know about that already. However, I don’t think I shared with you “the listeners” how those kids happened. My husband and I had one of our very few fights. In seven years that we’ve been together we’ve had four fights total, and he asked me that night. I told Tim earlier, it was all my husband’s fault. So he asked me what he could do to make it up to me and I completely choked. I said, I want three kids. And that night he accidentally left my cat “Fame” out of the house. Two months later, five kittens. So I basically manifested those cats.
Tim C Star: Absolutely.
Kim: Next time I keep my mouth shut.
Tim C Star: Absolutely.It’s amazing when you start to test it. It’s amazing how easy it is to prove it to yourself. And there’s a great book I don’t know if you’re familiar with. Her name is Pam Grout, the author of E-Squared.
Kim: I don’t know that.
Tim C Star: Oh man.It’s fabulous. She is real easy read. I was five pages in going I love this woman because she’s funny she’s it’s plain language. It’s law of attraction stuff but, it’s the focus of the thing is at the back of the book she’s got I think nine exercises that you can do in any order that you can test the whole concept and you can believe whatever you like to believe. Just, just put these things to the test and see if something doesn’t happen for you. It’s almost impossible for these things not to work. It’s fabulous.
Kim: What’s an example that you can share with us and how it worked for you? Besides losing your job.
Tim C Star: Yeah. So you and I met at this New Media Summit event about a month ago now and it was put out there. I got an e-mail from Steve Olsher, the host of the thing just because I’m on his last and he said he had a few spots left. And tell me why you should be allowed in. And here’s, here’s the point I want to see your cover. S o I sent an e-mail back because I’d never hadn’t heard anything about it. No one checked it out like, this could be really good. And I sent him an e-mail and I got a message back a little while later said I don’t, I’m not sure this is for you. You may not be at that point. And I thought about that. My first inclination was you know, “OK” well he said “no”. “Next”. And then I thought it was like, “wait a minute”. And I went back and there’s who this four section. And I read that and if there were five bullet points I had three of them at least. And so I kind of, it kind of pissed me off and I went back and wrote him a longer e-mail and so there’s that I’m not one to normally type to bang my drum all that loudly but you know, best, not and so, either and I won’t give you the full language that I used. But I got an e-mail right back. Five minutes later, said I’d love to have you. So when when that e-mail came then I said, “Well crap. All right. Let me in”.
And now I need to make this count. So I made a decision and said you know I’m going to participate in a way that I have not participated at previous events like this. I’m going to be more fully there and more a part of it because I’m, I’m an introvert. I’m happy to stand around and watch other people and just observe and soak it up from the outside.What I needed, I needed to be more a piece of it. And I keep you know, long story short I came out of that having made an amazing bunch of connections with amazing people like you and other people who are, had the same sorts of goals that I have. And there’s some collaboration are going to come out of this and amazing things have happened. I’m using that “amazing” word a lot but, in like three weeks time lots of things have happened. And once that momentum starts I’m excited about where things are going now. It’s just really cool how it works. You just have to start it.
Kim: Tim, one of our other new media summit connections, Allana Pratt and I. Her episode actually went live just last week listeners, you can hear at TheKimSutton.com/PP154. We queuing on her episode the word “cramazing” crazy-amazing because that is truly how everything that has happened as a result of that event. And the connections, I walked in with the same thought I need to go there and make kick the introvert out for four days which is extremely exhausting but I knew I had to do it. And wow. This is not the Steve Olsher show folks. You can go to reinvention radio to listen to him. It was an amazing event.
Tim C Star: Everyone that I have spoken to or emailed back and forth whatever, everybody has said the same thing. This was different and I had you know, honestly I had kind of an emotional breakdown or something. Yes we were going through and for the listeners who probably don’t know about this, there was an opportunity for people there to talk face to face for about a minute and a half. Two minutes each to get to 40 different podcasters and pitch them on why you should be on their show. So I was talking to one of the guys and just saying you know, this stuff worked for me and it and these people where I grew up they need this stuff and for whatever reasons I choked up and he jumped up and gave me a big hug. I’m like, “You’re not helping me”. You know that. But there was no time in so, we’re in the middle of that and they’re ringing a bell move to the next person and that was….
Kim: Crazy making?
Tim C Star: Yeah. It was crazy making and the girl that, she’s like, “you cry”. I was like, “I don’t know”. She jumps up on me and said: “You’re not helping me either”. But you know, I came away just drained but excited and…. and… you know I walked away just going you know, if I get on one show it’s a win. I don’t care. It’s not about me. I just want to try to get this out and help some people to see things a little differently and help themselves. But things are gaining momentum so, I’m happy I went, I’m happy I decided to play a little more full out and I’m glad you and I met. That’s what you know, this wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t gone so, and it was terrific.
Kim: I can’t even imagine what I would be doing for the next two months… had it not been for the media summit. I mean it’s been absolutely phenomenal. And I just… Steve you owe me a sponsorship fee for this episode but listeners, go to newmediasummit.net and purchase your tickets as soon as you can for the next event. That’s on.
Tim C Star: Yeah yeah. It truly has the capacity to… I want to say, to change your life but it will give you the opportunity to change your life as we do it. But lots and lots of events they hype a lot of… a lot of things that all these people that are going to be there those big names and stuff but you really get to talk to anybody. Let alone you know, spin somebody saw this and I’ll stop there.
Kim: Yeah. There was no greenroom for the podcasters. You know, we were… we were out there the whole time.
Tim, this has been an incredible conversation and I’m sure the listeners think so as well. Where can they connect with the online get to know more about what you do and possibly work with you in the future?
Tim C Star: Thanks Kim. Yeah. you can reach me at TimCStar.com and “star” spelled one “R”, TimCStar.com. If you go to TimCStar.com/anxiety, you can get a free PDF file that has steps, a four-step process to deal with anxiety, it can be really really helpful no matter what you’re dealing with. And the other option if you think potentially you might want to work with me, the process to start that would be set up a free 30 minute discovery call and find out what’s keeping you up at night and I should be able to give you a tip or two that will help you deal with things in the moment and you can start that process at mindsetmissionary.com. Just go there and schedule a call. So, I think that’s that’s good. Kim, I appreciate you. Let me come on.
Kim: It’s been incredible. Listeners again, all the links, and the resources, the book, everything that we’ve talked about you’ll be able to find in this show notes at TheKimSutton.com/PP162. Tim, do you have any last words of parting advice that you can share with the listeners before we go?
Tim C Star: Yeah. I think the message that I would want to share with people is that, there is no one way to accomplish any of these things that people talk about in terms of whether spiritual enlightenment or just self-improvement you know, personal growth stuff. There is no one way to do things. The trick is to find what works for you. Find the person that speaks in your language and you really can identify with and you don’t test it out you know, if you don’t find it right away just keep looking. There is somebody or some process out there that will work for you.