PP 322: Achieve Success And Lasting Transformation with J.J. Flizanes

Kim Sutton: Welcome back to another episode of Positive Productivity. This is your host, Kim Sutton. I am so happy that you’re here to join us today, and I’m also thrilled to introduce our guest, JJ Flizanes. Even if I had asked you 15 times before we jumped on, I can mess up last names. People mess up Sutton, can you believe that?

JJ Flizanes: How do they say it?

Kim Sutton: Sutton, they put letters in that you wouldn’t think would normally be there.

JJ Flizanes: Yeah, I do get that too. I get people taking letters out. And normally, when you see the Z, everybody freaks out. So if you just [inaudible]. So everyone’s like, Z, what do I say? How do I say that?

Kim Sutton: Right? Yeah, sorry, I was starting to introduce you, Positive Productivity Podcast does not mean I stay on one line at any given time. Listeners, JJ is an Empowerment Strategist from Invisible Fitness, and does so much. So I’m just going to throw the virtual mic back to you, JJ. I’d love for you to introduce yourself better to the audience and tell them more about what you do.

JJ Flizanes: Sure. I do a lot of things, like you said, but it’s all really based on trying to help people empower themselves in the areas of health, wellness and relationships. And that even includes spirituality. I also have a podcast. I have six podcasts, and they span anywhere from women, men and relationships, to spirit purpose and energy, to cooking, to exercise, to nutrition and alternative medicine. And then what it started out as the big umbrella was Fit 2 Love: How to Get Physically, Emotionally and Spiritually Fit to Attract the Love of Your Life, or how to be physically, emotionally, spiritually fit for the happy life you deserve. So it’s really that integrative mind, body and soul approach to weight loss, to relationships, to happiness. Not taking one aspect, let’s say weight loss for instance, and focusing on this scale and counting calories. And sometimes, on the exercise piece, and then beating yourself up and wondering why you’re not losing weight. There’s lots of science involved in both behavioral sciences as well as physical sciences in all the things that I do, and how we are in light. 

And I’ve found over the last 20 years being a personal trainer that in order for you to actually achieve success and lasting transformation, you can’t deny those different pieces in part that make up the whole of why you choose to eat, why you choose or don’t choose to take care of yourself, how you feel about yourself, the conversation you have in your head. So we’re really very complex beings. But we sometimes, because it’s easier to focus on one thing at a time, we look at things as if they aren’t connected to other aspects of who we are. So I’ve just seen, again, over the last 20 years, who’s been successful and who hasn’t been, and I’ve been asking deeper and deeper, more intricate questions over the years. Your show, Positive Productivity, also, I’m about sort of positive, being efficient. And I know you love efficiency, and I’m all about being efficient. And so it’s efficient when you ask the right questions that connect everything together versus sort of blindly going down one path hoping it’ll work and not take into consideration all the other factors that influence whether or not you have lasting success and even if it’s the right path to be going down at this time.

Kim Sutton: Oh, my gosh, JJ, my husband is my second husband. And hopefully my last. He’s my best friend. But in my first marriage, I was struggling with even knowing who I was. I was struggling with taking care of myself. And I love how you were talking about all the pieces, they are so connected. Because had I been taking better care of myself, of my health, of my mindset, I didn’t even know what mindset was back then. I was too young. Maybe that’s a bad excuse. I just didn’t even know who I was. But maybe that relationship would have gotten better, maybe it wouldn’t have even happened at all because it wasn’t meant to be. And then jump forward 10 years, now that I can see that, I’m taking care of myself even though I’ve had a few hiccups and struggles. I think we all do from time to time because we get more into one lane and forget to bring all of them together. So when I haven’t been great about sleep, then my mindset will get off and that will affect the relationship. But when they’re all going, it’s so awesome. What have been some of your major discoveries? Have you experienced struggles in this yourself? I know I’m asking multiple questions at the same time, I’m just really excited about this.

JJ Flizanes: No worries, I can handle multiple questions at the same time. So what I have found probably is like one of the biggest eye opening pieces. My last book that came out, my third book was called, The Invisible Fitness Formula: 5 Secrets to Release Weight & End Body Shame. And it’s a culmination of 20 years of work. And I really couldn’t have written it any sooner because I was still learning, and I can look back at 20 years and break it down into these five pieces. I’ve even created a program that people can go through, it’s five months long. And each month focuses on each one of these different secrets about efficiency back to the word efficiency, and an awesome problem solver. I’m very, very good at connecting dots and finding the blind spots for people. What ends up happening is that people complain for years and years that they haven’t found success so they want to know why it hasn’t worked yet. And literally, after writing the book, I thought, I’m gonna make a program. Because here’s the thing, if you really want success, follow it, do the program. Do every single thing I tell you, and I promise you, you will have success. It’s that simple. Now, it’s simple, is it easy? Probably not because it makes people make different decisions in life and different choices. 

So in terms of what have I found, I think some of the lessons along the way, there’s many of them in all the body sciences when it comes to digestion versus calorie counting, when it comes to food sensitivities versus just looking at food as your enemy and having a love hate relationship with it. Probably the one of the biggest lessons I learned that really inspired me to write this book and finally get it out there was the idea of addiction. And for a long time, addiction to me meant you had substance abuse, whatever it was, tobacco, alcohol, drugs. But really what I didn’t realize until I learned that we all have addictions, addiction really is just any kind of circular behavior or pattern that keeps us from tapping into what we feel, and who we are, and being present in the moment. So it can be shopping, could be workaholism, it could be control issues, it can be eating food. Food is a huge addiction, especially in the space of weight loss and weight loss resistance. Most people aren’t really talking about the emotional piece involved with that, and I don’t know how you can get around it. I don’t even understand how you can get around ignoring the fact that there’s a link between our behavior and how we feel. But mostly, we’re just changing the behavior. 

So let’s say you’re an alcoholic and you go to a cafe, and now you’re not alcoholic anymore, you don’t drink, you’re dry. But did you actually heal what was underneath that that started in the first place? It’s not the alcohol’s fault. You reached for alcohol to numb a feeling you were having, or you reached for food to numb a feeling you were having, or to keep you distracted from actually tapping into what was going on inside of you. And so that emotional connection, and what’s underneath, and what creates the impulse for us to act or choose is, again, that underbelly of everything. I mean, you can’t just look at fitness and weight loss and think, oh, it’s because I have no willpower. Willpower is a conscious mind commitment. It’s 12%. I have to think about it. Well, what about the 88% of your subconscious mind that has habits, patterns, and beliefs that were put in place by the time you were 10? We’re looking at the wrong things, and that would be like the first, and I know I just said a lot in there. I mean, there’s just one thing. But comes back to the mind, body and soul connection, if you really want true success, you have to look at all the pieces that make it up. And if you’re not willing to change some or all of those pieces, and you have to accept that, I have an addiction, I don’t want to give up food, or I don’t want to stop overeating food when I feel stressed, anxiety, or I don’t want to deal with my emotions. Let’s just take it back to that. I don’t want to look, deal with, or manage, or process my feelings because they scare me. And that’s where a lot of people are very unconscious in life. 

So in terms of where I’ve struggled, I have struggled with body shame. And when I wrote Fit 2 Love, which was my second book, the word shame wasn’t in my consciousness at the time. And it really needed to be because that was a different energy that I tried to bring forth with Fit 2 Love. Fit 2 Love was about the difference between how I manifested my husband, it’s how I manifested love, and how I believe everybody attracts love. It doesn’t matter who it is, whether it be a partner, or your family, or from yourself, or from life in general. But it wasn’t about the other person, it was about the energy underneath what you were doing. And just a quick comparison of what I mean by that. When I would walk into a gym at any given time, I could feel who was working out because they hated themselves. It felt very different than someone doing it because they cared about themselves. And that was the difference between, because you can be addicted to exercise, people can abuse exercise, people can abuse eating healthfully. I mean being obsessed, being too careful, being too concerned, being so toxically fearful about every single thing that goes in your mouth that takes it to the extreme. And that’s not healthy either. 

So it’s really not about what we’re doing on the outside, it’s about how we’re feeling on the inside that stimulates our behavior. And so if it was really about bringing awareness to that energy that I want people to do exercise and self care from a place of self respect and love. And when you get there, it’s more sustainable, longer lasting, you attract better things. But don’t think that just because someone goes to the gym or exercise means that you’re not constantly anchored in a negative feeling, because that’s why a lot of people hate exercise. Because the minute they start doing it, their self talk becomes, I hate myself, I’m fat. Boy, I didn’t do a very good job and I’ve gone now this way. And they do this self abuse, which of course, if you associate exercise with self abuse, who would want to do it? But we’re never going to get anywhere with it until we start to change how we see it, how we feel about it, and why we’re doing it.

Kim Sutton: Absolutely. Are we doing it for pleasure or pain? Wow, you just opened up my eyes. I have to admit. I mean, my twins are a little bit over three years old now. And I won’t hide the fact that I still have a twin mama belly. Let me just put it that way. I mean, these babies were huge. But I’ve used the excuse, JJ, of I’m working too much. I can’t go to the gym. There was a time last fall, I believe that I had gotten so overwhelmed in my workaholism that I wasn’t going to the grocery like I should. I knew I had to hire a business coach. I ended up having to have a phone call with her from my car with the kids in the back in the McDonald’s drive thru, how bad is that? I mean, because that’s impacting what I’m eating that there’s no time management, like everything was just so out of whack.

JJ Flizanes: And we can look at it as, how bad is that? And you can say, I don’t like that, and I don’t want that. But try not to beat yourself up too much about it, use it and leverage it for what it is, which is possibly a low point that you went, oh, wow. I don’t want to do that again. And sometimes, we need to hit that rock bottom in order to be focused on where we want to go.

Kim Sutton: Absolutely. Yeah. You said something just a moment ago that I am so curious about, how did you manifest your husband.

JJ Flizanes: I wrote with love, because that was my story. I wasn’t the person that’s lost 50 or 100 pounds in my life. Yes, I’ve lost weight, gone up and down, and dealt with body shame, and exercise, and take care of my body. And I’ve done all those stupid diets since I was seven years old, or eight years old, or what’s God for whatever the age that was when they’re crazy in like elementary school and junior high when you’re started being very aware of your curves and your body changing, and boys. 

So how do I manifest my husband? Well, it really was about focusing on me. And it was that, again, full of principle of I was getting all my needs met that point. I was the happiest I had ever been, and I didn’t need anything. So when it came to, a lot of people look at relationships with anybody and take what we’ve learned in our culture as a victim mentality. They think, well, I can’t do that because you’re not on board with that, or because you don’t do that for me, or you don’t make me feel this way, or you’re not here, you’re not doing that for me. And victim mentality was something I was really aware of, and was really good at it. 

Actually, when I was younger, I actually pride myself on some of the conversations now that I look back at in highschool of things I was very, very articulate about telling people how they hurt my feelings, and how they should do things differently. And that’s just like, that’s the best victim flag waving mascot I can think of. And when I learned that you’re the creator of your own reality, that was probably 2003 or 4 that shifted my life so profoundly, that I took it on for myself and on the responsibility of saying, oh, well, if I’m the creator of my own reality, then if I’m not happy, it’s all about me. And I got real serious about that. I’ve done a very good job. I think of becoming super empowered and wanting to teach others how to do the same. 

So at that moment in my life, I was getting all my needs met. And always, I wasn’t having sex. Maybe I have a vibrator so I probably was using that. But in every other way, I had companionship, I had fun, I was exercising, I was dancing, I was eating while I was traveling, I was enjoying my work. There was just nothing that I needed anyone else to do for me, or to me, or with me in terms of one individual person who I was then going to give all my power over and say, you have to make me happy. The reality of it is no one can make you happy, it’s an inside job. So I had learned that, I had practiced that, I was good at it, and I was on cloud 9. I had met him eight months prior. I was dating one person, I was still in love with an ex boyfriend and then I met him. So I had like three things at one time going on even though I wasn’t interested because I thought there were too many red flags. And I was like, nope, not interested. But yet, something sort of pulled me to say, well, maybe it’s worth revisiting. 

And again, by the way, this is just like we met and nothing happened. There was no expectation. He was dating somebody else, and I was dating somebody else. But then I sort of orchestrated a way to get back together in a situation to assess where his radar was, and then it was pretty clear that we were both interested. But also, I waited because I was at the point where I’d done so much self care that I was really clear about what kind of relationship, or man that I wanted to have. And I wanted somebody to step up and be a man. And prior to that, I took the reins, and I was the responsible one sort of like, I’ve heard you say that you juggle everything, and I can do that too. And I think you’re a Pisces like me.

Kim Sutton: I am.

JJ Flizanes: Yeah. So we have talent. I can do things in different areas. I multi-task very well. I can handle multiple things. But I wanted a man, and so I decided that if he’s not ready, or if it’s not the right thing, then it’s not the right thing. And I’m not gonna reach out and make this happen. And eight months later, he reached out, it wasn’t really a date, it was a little like getting together. And then that ended up being the last first date we ever had.

Kim Sutton: I love that. Listeners, if you’re listening for the first time, then you have heard this before. JJ, I don’t know if you’ve heard this before. But I was introduced to the law of attraction in 2009 after I lost my job, and it was a huge eye opener for me as well because I was constantly blaming others for where I was not and why I wasn’t where I wanted to be. I really didn’t know where I wanted to be. And on that day, I wish I knew what day it was, it was just like, wow, just beautiful. And I remember just the feeling of knowing, wow, I can control my happiness. Because for the 30 years before that, there was a dark cloud over my head all the time. I was the same as you. I could tell people how they offended me. Although I wasn’t necessarily very vocal about it, I would often just keep it inside. However, I quickly realized that my marriage at that time was not what I needed. There was no getting around that. And I watched the bucket list one night and decided that I needed to make a soulmate spec sheet of everything that I wanted in a future mate. 

Listeners, I’m very transparent. I already knew I was leaving my ex, I just didn’t know when. Two weeks later, I met my husband, my current husband. Actually, I had gotten my apartment. Sometimes you just know you have to go, so I knew I was on my way out. But I was looking for furniture on Craigslist and decided to see, I’m just gonna say it exactly how it was. I decided to see what assholes were looking for women in the men looking for women section. And all of a sudden, there he was. And I said, look, I’m going through a divorce, or I’m about to go through a divorce. If you’re still single at six months, can you repost this ad? It didn’t work like that. We met two days later, but he had all but three of the 58 items on that list. And the other three were not important looking back. But I didn’t realize what I wanted until I actually found myself. Even though it wasn’t in the situation that I wanted to be in, and I just had to put this out there. JJ, I have never even really discussed this much. I’m not saying that cheating or committing adultery is okay. There’s been a lot of personal growth since then. But sometimes, and I’m not trying to make excuses. But in bad times, you can make bad decisions. But I don’t call my husband a bad decision. And listeners, you can judge me if you want, but everything’s for a reason. We’ve gone through our struggles, but I’ve never been happier in my whole life.

JJ Flizanes: Well, it sounds like you did the best you can. And sometimes, the best we can might not be the best. That’s possible. But it’s the best in the moment based on where we are, where our frequency is.

Kim Sutton: Yeah, absolutely. When people are getting really frustrated with where they are and they feel like they can’t do anything right. What would you recommend as a first couple of simple steps that they can take to start getting themselves back on track to moving forward?

JJ Flizanes: That statement is a sweeping overview of everything. So can we be more specific about what? Or do you mean just in any area of life? Like they feel like they’re not doing anything right. Are we talking about, if someone’s depressed and feels like they have no hope, or in general about everything? Or we’re talking about the body?

Kim Sutton: Honing on the body, please.

JJ Flizanes: So when it comes to the body, here’s a few things for people to remember. Remember that even though you have a body, you most likely haven’t studied the body. Just like you have a car, most of us couldn’t take it apart and put it back together. Again, same thing with a house. You didn’t build it most likely, you didn’t put in electric wiring, you didn’t do any of the plumbing, you didn’t put the boards together or the concrete, you didn’t do any of that. So just because you have a body doesn’t mean you know anything about it. There are people who study the body, and sciences to start to learn. That doesn’t mean that you don’t listen to your body. Your body is absolutely always giving you messages. The body wants you to be healthy and happy, and will find and help you get there. So if you’re being a workaholic, it will make you sick because it wants you to slow down. If you’re not listening to yourself in one area of life, you’ll manifest something that happens to you that will stop you in your tracks and make you focus on that. Now, we don’t want our bodies to have to take us there. Because sometimes, that’s pretty extreme. You’d like to be able to take the hint and then follow through versus ignore, ignore, ignore. 

I always tell large groups of men when I talk to companies like men workers, like friends that i had, a gas company, a gas and electric company, and a lot of the people in the room were men out of like 300 people. Like 280 of them were men because they’re the field workers and they’re the guys outside to put up the poles and doing the wiring. And what I said to them was, usually, men die first. And the reason why men die first is mostly because, after the joke that somebody said in the audience, well, because women kill us. Well, yeah, maybe. But possibly the stress, sure. But the reason why men die first is because men are single focus by nature. Your brain is set to kill the deer. So you’re not necessarily multitasking, you’re single focused. And if you’re so basically ignoring other signs of your body, which is why sometimes men can have symptoms, and symptoms, and symptoms. And all sudden, there’s a heart attack and they’re like, well, how’d that happen? Well, this, this, this, and this happened to let you know it was coming, but you ignored it because you’re built to hunt the deer, or to hunt the food and to be single focused. 

So how do you deal with that? Well, as a man, now can elevate out of our caveman brains to be more conscious and to be more mindful. And while you focus in a single focus kind of way to get a job done, there are times where you don’t have to be so focused. There are the times where you’re just relaxing, that you can take into consideration and focus inward instead of outward. Women tend to also minimize and not pay attention to their bodies, either in a real way because we’re so engulfed with either denying how we feel, or using our feelings to manipulate other people who do not really take, oh, yeah, women are great emotional manipulators. I mean, men are too, men can be too because they learned from women. But it’s pretty bad. And again, that victim mentality, the blame game, the persecutor aspect of blaming somebody else. When we’re shoving energy, and focus, and power off to other people, we never can really be happy or successful because we’re always dependent on someone else’s behavior, or results, or information. And that’s back to circling in the law of attraction. That was one of the best lessons that I had when I learned that you are the creator of your own reality. It gives you 100% responsibility for everything, and it can even give you responsibility for someone else in that while you can’t change somebody else’s thoughts, feelings or point of focus. You absolutely can evoke better things from people by your attention to them and by your frequency. 

So when it comes to the body and feeling like you aren’t doing very well, and to loop back in my initial response to this, which is that you probably didn’t study the body. Recognize that you’re having an emotional response, a trigger, you’re feeling something but it isn’t reality. It’s not that nothing’s going right, you’re just frustrated, or you’re disappointed, or you’re angry that the things that you’ve done haven’t produced the results you think that they would. And that’s kind of one of the reasons why I have a job is because I get to use science and help people make better programs that actually work. There are several layers when it comes to exercise. The first one is, of course, the doing of it. But even before doing it, it’s the planning for it. And it’s what’s right for you. So Kim, you’re talking about not exercising because you are busy working, and that’s fine. I get that. And not going to the gym, I’m going to hone in on that one for a second. 

For a very long time since I moved to California, especially, my business has been focusing on helping people in their homes, whether it be in person or through Skype. I have people all over the world that I train through Skype, because you don’t have to go to the gym, the gym just has a bunch of tools. Like in the kitchen, if you’re going to go bake a cake, you’ve got your tools in the kitchen. And it is way easier to bake a cake in a kitchen with tools than it is outside of a kitchen without tools. But when it goes to the gym, the gyms just got a bunch of equipment and stuff that you can use, but you can use some of the same stuff. And no equipment at home, or outside, or in your office, you don’t need a gym. So I teach people how to exercise anywhere they are, and to build programs anywhere from 15 minutes a day, and I’m not saying I’m gonna need to workout every day. I’m just saying an option. I have a client who I’ve been training now for seven years, and she lives in Arizona, in Scottsdale, and she’s lost 100 pounds probably in the first three years. And she was only working out two days a week. She’s my best example to people when they say, well, if I have 100 pounds to lose, I should be working out five or six days a week. Why? That’s not going to last. So we had to work two days a week, and I didn’t train her two days a week. I was just helping her create what she would do during those two days a week. And then after she’d plateau, strong enough and get ready to move to the next level, we’d increase the intensity, we change the program, we change the focus. And then little by little, we’ve just been editing her program for seven years. So it’s really making a plan. 

It’s like an architect. I used to call myself an exercise architect because everyone’s body is different. Everyone’s schedule, preferences and fitness level are different. And it’s about taking the sciences and trying to meld it with what will work for you in your life versus telling you you have to do A, B, C and D. Because you don’t have to do anything. We can find progress and results in many different ways. But he kind of has to use science to understand the different tools you have, access to, and which ones are best to use.

Kim Sutton: JJ, I’m sitting here at my desk, looking at my office and I have like a 15 by 15 wide open space right in front of me in the middle of the room, and you just gave me like a virtual kick in the butt of, and that’s why I haven’t been working out because I didn’t put that time aside to go to the why when you just gave me that big duh, why do I need to go anywhere? I’ve got this huge space right in front of me, and all it would take is a Skype call with somebody like you, or I have a TV on the other side of the room. Just hello, Kim, turn on something.

JJ Flizanes: Right. And definitely, I am a huge fan of the, especially for someone like you and me, doing some exercises in your office and taking a break away from the computer, but still using that time efficiently depending on what you’re doing. I don’t work with a lot of people one on one on a regular basis anymore. I take people on sort of temporarily to help give them a program and teach them how to do it, and set the program up. And then once you start plateauing, you come back and then we adjust it so that you can keep getting results and progress moving forward. I don’t want to necessarily have a million more clients every day that I’m training, but it’s the education piece because some people don’t know what to do. And you are just following like a DVD or something.

And I’ve got one of my clients, long term clients, his son started training with me recently because after I’ve been training this guy, he owns a company for 10 years and his son would use P90X. And after a couple weeks, every time, he hurt himself. And it’s not to say P90X is bad, but everyone’s body is different, and everyone moves differently. Some people don’t have an awareness about their body and space. And if you don’t have a mirror and you’re not watching yourself, you’re probably not doing it right and you can hurt yourself. So people sometimes get afraid of exercise because they’ve heard themselves before and they think, I don’t want to do that, or weights are heavy, they’re dangerous. So people stop themselves from doing the right things because I’ve had a bad experience. I fixed a lot of knees, I’ve helped a lot of backs, a lot of shoulders. And really, exercise is a science. So if you ever need any help, I’m happy to help you set up a program. And I can find you fun ways like listening to a podcast. We can do exercise sessions based on the length of the podcast, and give you resistance training to do. Or you can focus on doing some cardio. Even in your office, there’s plenty of little tricks and tips, and little pieces of equipment and things you can have that won’t take up a lot of space that can work every single part of your body and give you cardio. Not at the same time, but will fit into your program. And you don’t have to ever go to the gym.

Kim Sutton: This is so embarrassing. I actually have an elliptical in my basement that has never been touched because I use the excuse of, the battery was dead. Okay, how bad is that? There’s an open corner in my office where that could fit perfectly. JJ, [inaudible] will be home in half an hour. My husband is home today. That elliptical is getting a new home. You kill two birds with one stone, and you save mama bird, so thank you.

JJ Flizanes: Yeah, you’re welcome.

Kim Sutton: Oh, my gosh, I feel totally renewed. I’m gonna be 40 next year, and I shared on our earlier podcast with somebody that we both know, Rob Dionne, I told him, I want to be the healthiest I’ve ever been by 40. I didn’t know how I was going to do it. But this conversation with you, I know how I’m going to do it now. Well, not completely. The reason why I haven’t gone to the gym is because I trip over my own bare feet. And I’ve seen enough, those ridiculous YouTube videos where people get on the exercise equipment like upside down or wrong, like that’s gonna be me. I’ll be the one who’s putting my back where my butt should be, or something. But that is actually going to lead into how we all need support in our life, in our business. Because whether it’s a business coach, or life coach, or a fitness and health coach, we need that person, the mentor who can help us get to the next level. I mean, that could have easily been taken care of just by consulting with somebody at the why. How do I actually use this piece of equipment which I can’t imagine how many people get hurt at the gym just because they don’t know?

JJ Flizanes: And a lot of equipment doesn’t actually fit people, and that’s a whole nother conversation. It’s a more technical conversation. And I’ve done videos on this like for machines versus free weights. And I’ve got a ton of exercise videos on my YouTube channel. I’ve got two video podcasts. And so a lot of it is actually a free video podcast. So it’s all up there in terms of the education about the exercises and learning how to properly do these different kinds of exercises, how you think about them with your brain, activate your muscle, to your form, to how you breathe. I don’t really go over programming in terms of reps and intensity, and things like that. It’s just how to do the exercise to help people not get injured. 

But the gym is a starting point for a lot of people. And unfortunately, because gyms don’t pay so great, nor do you have to have college degrees or really well educated to be a trainer, there isn’t a lot of expectation for really good trainers. I used to teach trainers so I can just, I mean, I would hope that that changes. But a lot of trainers are really just trainers because they have good personalities, and they pass a test online for a weekend. Which is the sad fact about that. So yeah, hopefully, somebody could have told you how to do an exercise piece in the gym. But even I would have to guess, I put money on it six times out of 10, they wouldn’t know what to do. They wouldn’t know the right way either. I mean, I hate to say that, sounds really snobbish, but it is what it is, and I can’t help it. Trainers aren’t that smart.

Kim Sutton: No, that’s a very good point. I mean, I’m thinking back to when I was 12 years old, and I got my babysitting certificate after a one or two day program. That didn’t mean I was necessarily equipped in all the best ways to take care of children. So I can definitely see the point there. If it only takes a couple hour quick course, yeah, wow.

JJ Flizanes: Well, weekend courses, you can even do an online course and never step foot in the gym. So if someone’s an athlete, that’s the other unfortunate part about my business. If someone could be a dancer or an athlete, have a good body, have a good work ethic when it comes to exercise, which then is honestly not even that’s bad too because then they assume, and they shame people who don’t. If you did not grow up in sports, or dancing, or martial arts, and you do not have a discipline in any way to being part of a team, or doing any kind of exercise, practicing, then it’s very different for somebody who has. And what happens is trainers, especially the ones that were athletic end up shaming the people who weren’t, again, which is another reason why you don’t like going to the gym because you get judged. And who wants to be judged? Just meet me where I am. But that takes psychological understanding. And most trainers, even if they get taught some science of the body, and again, it’s usually some science of the body. They don’t know about psychology so they’re not necessarily gonna understand those things. And they probably think that yelling at you, pushing you harder, making you super sore and asking you to see your calorie log every day is what real motivation is going to be. But it’s not.

Kim Sutton: No, definitely not. My sister, she’s been a type one diabetic since we were young children. And she was at her gym last week and she got a little bit offended by somebody else at the gym who was wearing a shirt that said, what’s your excuse? It’s just because she, my sister, she’ll go and she’ll do her very best to work out. But her blood sugar plummets when she gets there. And it dropped from like a good level, I think she shared a post to her Facebook, like 120, she’s on an insulin pump down to like 40 in the process of her short workout. And just like what you’re saying, everybody has different circumstances that are affecting them.

JJ Flizanes: Right. And there’s also, let’s be real about the fact that, let’s say that if someone’s trying to shame me, I don’t have to receive it. But a lot of people don’t know any better. And they give their power away to a trainer in order for them to help coach them so they’re a little bit more vulnerable. And so if that trainer doesn’t understand shaming, then sometimes, there could be that miscommunication. 

But as a person, individual person, I tried to, again, the empowerment strategist part is teach people about their emotional world, and the psychology of how to get their own needs met, and stop being a victim, and how to be empowered in your life, and how to get what you want, and how to manifest better things in your life, and to heal your wound so that you can be different in the same situation. So someone can be even negative and abusive to you, and he doesn’t do anything to you. It’s water off a duck’s back, because you’ve healed yourself so much that you understand that in order for them to act like that, boy, they must be in some serious pain. So it’s really becoming super conscious and aware, and then healing your stuff. Because all that leads to, again, ultimate health and happiness on the end of it.

Kim Sutton: JJ, I’m going to ask a question because I’m being selfish here. But I’m sure because there are other people like me out there who are listening, mompreneurs with multiple kids who find themselves in the same situation. I find myself sitting at my desk a lot. I am a workaholic, I will not deny it. What would you recommend as a first step to getting up and being healthy during the day? I know there’s Pareto Principle, work 25 minutes, take five minutes. Do you agree, or what would you recommend as the first course of action?

JJ Flizanes: This isn’t a scapegoat answer, but it really is going to be different per person because everybody’s a little bit different on things that they prefer. There are some people with control issues that love spreadsheets and love tracking things. And while I don’t think that’s healthy long term to focus on, it’s a way to get started. And then on the flip side, there are people that hate tracking things that don’t want to feel restricted, or don’t want to feel pressured like that. 

So for me, then possibly for you, if you listen to podcasts, let’s say you’re listening to one of your shows, or when you’re doing the recording, of course, you’re going back and listening to a show that you’re either editing or it’s been edited, or you listen to someone else’s show where you’re listening to, I don’t know, somebody, somewhere else, something else, like in a mastermind program, or in a coaching program. I mean, let’s say there’s something you need to listen to, you can marry those two things together. So you could take a walk and listen to whatever it is you need to listen to, instead of sitting at your desk and listening to it. It’s trying to find ways to add exercise or movement to things you’re already doing that don’t distract you. But yet, don’t take away from what you’re trying to focus on anyway. So for you, I’d have to find out more about what pockets of time you have? What does your day look like? Are there things that can wait or be delegated? How can we take 15 minutes away? 

For me, to think about doing something every day for 15 or 30 minutes is annoying. Maybe because my personal training background is that when you focus, you do a good job. When you spend a little bit more time and you do the job well, which means I don’t work out every day. So if I’m doing three or four workouts a week, I’m great. That means the other days, I don’t need to work out, but I’m still going to do something else, maybe fun for life balance. So it’s going to change because you need to know your psychology, you have to understand how you work. And I use astrology to help assess that, as well as obviously your environment and your situation to make recommendations that would work for you, that may not work for me. Something that maybe meditation into yoga, and then doing a few exercises after that. 

If you already have a habit somewhere of doing something that’s not at your computer, maybe saying, don’t check your emails until a certain time of the day, and you’re not allowed to look at your computer until let’s say 9:00 o’clock, or whatever it is. And when you get up, from the time you get up until the time you sit down, you do your routine and ritual of breakfast, take care of the kids, take a shower, whatever it is. And then, we stick some exercise there. So it’s gonna change depending on it. It just depends on who you are.

Kim Sutton: Yeah. I have to confess, I am a learning nerd. I said to one of my friends last week, you have to watch this because they’re learning there too. I said, it’s gonna give you a learning gasm. But I have a couple online programs that I’m trying to get through to learn more about marketing automation and some tools that I want to start implementing for my clients. But that would be the perfect opportunity rather than just sitting here at my desk, watching these, I can hook my laptop up to the TV and listening, and getting movement into my day. I mean, that won’t work for everybody, but it will certainly work for me because I can be entertained, exercise and getting learning gasm all at the same time.

JJ Flizanes: Yeah, you could do it on your Elliptical.

Kim Sutton: Yeah, exactly. Wow. I’m all psyched up now. Yeah, it’s too heavy for me to bring it up if I would do it myself. But those guys, they will be bringing it up for me today. JJ, I have been totally enlightened. Listeners, I know you have too. I would love it if you would leave your comments on the show notes page at thekimsutton.com/pp322. JJ, thank you so much. Where can listeners find you online? And listeners, there will be links to everything that JJ says in the show notes again.

JJ Flizanes: Well, you can find me at jjflizanes.com, J-J-F-L-I-Z-A-N-E-S.C-O-M, and there’s a link that says free gifts and resources. Just to put it out there, because I believe this is going to be this April, and I host a free 30 day manifestation group. It’s a challenge, and it’s about taking 30 days to focus on doing some of those practices that get us into higher vibrating places. So we attract more love, money, health and anything else that you want. So anyway, if you go to jjflizanes.com, click on free tools and resources, you’ll see how to get there. And the next group I’m doing is in May, I don’t do them every month, I do them every couple months. So the next one is in May at jjflizanes.com.

Kim Sutton: Fabulous. Thank you so much. I am definitely going to be signing up or getting on the waitlist or whatever. Do you have a parting piece of advice or a golden nugget that you can offer to listeners?

JJ Flizanes: Life is a journey, obviously not a destination. I know everyone’s heard that before. But if you actually really sit with that and think about that, we’re constantly expanding. So be easy on yourself. And remember that we’re here for joy, and we’re gonna have fun, and we’re here to feel good.