PP 690: The Childhood Nickname Which Haunted Me for Nearly 40 Years
“You don’t need to have all the answers sometimes. The best answers that you can give yourself is silence.” – Kim Sutton
Worrying is human nature. Yet, worrying can become worrisome when it begins to take control of your life. Kim found herself in that mire for 40 long years! Today, we hear how Kim got her peculiar childhood nickname and how it adversely affected her life, health, relationships, and business. As Kim shares how she greatly benefited from learning to let go, envision yourself happier with peace of mind and youthful glow. Learn about simple ways you can do today to stop excessively worrying and regain your control. How simple? Tune in, and you’ll find out!
01:20 The Worrywart
08:52 Sit Still & Listen
12:05 How to Letting Go Of Worry
16:05 What Should Be In Your Top Priority
05:13 “Lacking confidence in yourself and for the services that you offer and the value that you provide can be more detrimental to your business than anything else.” – Kim Sutton
10:24 “You don’t need to have all the answers sometimes. The best answers that you can give yourself is silence.” – Kim Sutton
14:41 “Out of every bad comes good if we’re willing to look for it.” – Kim Sutton
16:49 “The world is much bigger than me and I’m not to worry about the world. I’m to enjoy what I have right now; to be grateful for what I have. Whatever is supposed to come, will come.” – Kim Sutton
18:40 “Worry is not the answer to your problems.” – Kim Sutton
19:25 “Let the worrywart go. Know that everything is going to work out for the best and don’t be too proud to ask for help when you need it.” – Kim Sutton
Meet Your Host!
Kim Sutton is a Business and Marketing Automation Mentor, Speaker, and Author. She is the host of the Positive Productivity Podcast. Having been through so much including depression, domestic violence, and lack of self-care, Kim’s mission is to help her clients be positively productive by empowering them to achieve success without the burnout. She believes that positive productivity stems from system+support+self-care. Positive productivity is not about perfection, it’s about having Prioritized Purposeful Actions. Today, Kim is out to help fellow entrepreneurs reclaim their lives and make their business work.
Kim Sutton: What was your childhood nickname? Seriously, I want to know. Head on over to thekimsutton.com/pp690 and fill me in. In this episode, we’re going to talk about what my childhood nickname was, and how it affected me for 40 years.
Dear friends, I hope you had a better childhood nickname than I did. But before I share what my childhood nickname was, I’m gonna let you know that my sister’s got the really cute ones. My sister Cassie was Twinkle Toes because she was a dancer, she was really late on her feet and she was just constantly hopping around the house. And then my sister Jackie, she was Jingle Birches. I really have no idea how she got that name. I think I’m gonna have to ask. But then there was me. I had the worst nickname of them all, Worrywart. You see? Even as a child, I worried about everything. In full disclosure, I think I inherited that from my mother. I wasn’t just a worrier, though, I was also nosy. So when you combine nosy and worry, you start worrying about other people’s problems and not just yours. And maybe that just makes me the empathetic person that I am today, and somewhat challenged by being today. But hey, it took me 40 years to overcome the worrying tendencies.
I remember in middle school being worried about the boys liking me or about my friends. In most cases, I have an awesome memory. And perhaps it’s because I’ve been doing so much work to recover from the worrywart nature, but I can’t really remember a lot of the worries I had for the first 30 years of my life. But moving into entrepreneurship, in both my first business, that, by the way, was a ridiculous failure. And into the second business, worry just became second nature. Even between the two businesses, I will never forget the worry that I had. For my now husband, when we first started dating, he was going through so much stress with jobs and with his daughter that I was constantly concerned about him even when we were taking a break from each other. I was a single mom at that point, and I will tell you that I worried more about him than I did for my own welfare, which was not good. In a matter of a few months, I lost, no joke, 30 pounds from worrying. Maybe that’s why I’m gaining weight these days. Maybe worry was that secret weight loss habit that I had.
But let me tell you, it’s not one that I wish to get back into. My dreams were constantly tainted by stress. And just to use the example of my husband, when we were taking a break for three months very early in our relationship before we were married. Every single night, I jumped about him. It was always full of worry. In 2014, my husband and I and three of our kids, because we didn’t have our twins yet, moved into the house that we now own. And my business was in a state of flux, a lot of awesome things were happening. But as I’ve shared in the earlier episodes, I lacked the confidence that I needed to charge fairly for the services that I was providing. I worried that by charging too much, I wouldn’t be able to get the clients that I needed to support us. I undermined us by charging too little, and it was really stressful on us. There were many months, actually most months when our rent payment on this house was late so I was constantly in a state of worry about being evicted. My friend, I can say this over, and over, and over again, but I need to know that you get it. That lacking confidence in yourself, and for the services that you offer, and the value that you provide, lacking that confidence can be more detrimental to your business than anything else.
In April of 2017, I will never forget that I recorded a podcast with Kristina Miller, who was the founder of Garage Of Blessings. Over and over again, in that podcast episode, she was sharing how, when circumstances arose in the charity in Garage Of Blessings, she would always go to God first. Kristina referenced Matthew 6:34, which if you haven’t heard it before is, therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Kristina shared that every time she had a worry, she would go to God. And everytime something miraculous would happen, her prayers would be answered in ways which actually exceeded any possible expectation that she had. Kristina didn’t realize what was happening in my life, my family’s life at that point. We had been trying for months and months to get a mortgage approved so that we could buy the house.
Actually, I think I was wrong on the month in the year, it was April 2018. We were about nine months late in getting a mortgage, and the landlord or the current owner of the house was running out of patience. She had hoped to have this house off her hands by then, and was really looking to pay off that she had. I could totally understand that. As a small business owner, though, and as a sole breadwinner, I can tell you that it’s exceptionally hard to get a mortgage especially when you’re not charging what you should. And we just couldn’t get it approved. My husband had been working a full time job as a retail manager out of the home so that we could secure the mortgage, but it just wasn’t happening fast enough. So the landlord had come and said: “Well, I need another lump sum deposit to put towards the purchase price, or I’m going to have to evict you.” I know this could sound really harsh, but it was totally within her rights to do so. We had committed to getting a mortgage, and we had not followed through on our commitment. It was not due to lack of trying, I just want to say that over and over again, but it was just proving a lot harder than we expected.
So while Kristina was sharing her story, how she had kept on going to God and her prayers were being answered, I was on mute on my side of the microphone sobbing. When I say sobbing, I mean like big nasty tears, snot coming out of my nose, and it was not pretty. I’m so thankful that that was not a video call because I don’t think I would have been able to hold it together. If you go back and listen to the episode, I believe it’s Episode 350, you might be able to hear my nasal wee voice when I come back on the mic over and over again because I seriously was on mute, just in tears blowing my nose and everything.
When we hung up the call, I shared with her what had been going on and how much I was worrying about it. She said to me, she said: “Kim, when was the last time that you sat still and listened?” You know what my answer was? Never. Up until that point in my life, my first response to every stressor and every problem was to worry. If I was in a conflict with somebody or having an argument, my first response was to worry. I worried about saying the wrong thing. I worried about whether or not they would like me and how they would react if I said the wrong thing. I worried about finances endlessly. I worried about having food on our shelves, my husband’s health. I worried about everybody else but myself, and I never gave myself a chance to not worry. I truly was a worrywart. But when she asked that to me and after we hung up, I decided that I really just needed to sit still and listen. I know that you might not share the same faith as Kristina and I. But regardless of whether or not you share our faith, I want you to know that this practice can work really well for you. You don’t need to have all the answers sometimes. Most of the time, the best answers that you can give yourself is silence.
I shared last week how after I came back home from dropping my kids off at high school and was sitting in my driveway, I heard, and to me, it was God telling me the answer to a question that I’ve been asking for some time. You’ll have to go back and listen to that episode if you didn’t hear it. But I wasn’t worrying about it. I gave up worrying after I talked to Kristina. I hung up the call with her that day and I sat still and listened. I asked God how I could save the house. I sat there and let worry go to the wayside, and he gave me an answer. I saved our house, I got the money for that lump payment. And three months later, we secured our mortgage and we bought the house. I’d love to be able to tell you that worry has gone to the wayside ever since then, maybe I just did. And if I did, I’m sorry, that wasn’t a full truth. There have been times that I’ve worried since.
But while this might surprise you, worry then enter my mind in 2020. Worry wasn’t a thing. I let worry go at the end of 2019, and I’m going to share with you why. As a result of a bad client situation, my husband and I found ourselves in a state of foreclosure with our house. One late payment had turned into two. And after two late payments, the mortgage company wasn’t willing to accept partial payments anymore. So with each passing month, we needed more and more money to pay our current month mortgage payment. And our past months were falling further and further behind. I was worrying so much about it. My gut was constantly a wreck. But finally one day, I just realized that I needed to listen to the advice that Kristina had given me. I needed to just sit still and listen and I heard, call the mortgage company. Friends, I know some of you might be dealing with foreclosure right now and you have virtual hugs or audible hugs, all the emotional support from me that you could possibly get because I know how gut wrenching that can be. But when I heard those words, called the mortgage company, I didn’t know what else to do. So I did. And it surprised the heck out of me when they said: “Well, you can fill out an application for a reassessment on your mortgage.” And with no other options, that’s what we did. And you know what? It wasn’t long after when we found out that they would re-evaluate our mortgage. That’s not the right expression. I don’t have the right one in my head, but I will tell you what happened was that our mortgage rate went down to interest points. They rolled all the late payments to the end. And as a result, the interest rate is going down. We’re saving 10’s of thousands of dollars over the life of our mortgage. I wanted to be angry about what the clients had done and the financial decisions that they had made that had gotten us into the situation. But in that moment, I realized that I had made decisions that had gotten us there. But those decisions had been for a reason. Out of every bad comes good, if we’re willing to look for it and not have that crappy client situation. One that in the end had only cost me $2,500, we are going to save 10’s of thousands of dollars in the long run.
I’m not saying that all worries have financial results. But I’m going to tell you that by letting go of worry in 2020, so many more positive situations and opportunities arose than they could have ever imagined. But by letting go of worry in 2020, so many more positive situations and opportunities arose than I could have ever imagined. We’re a couple weeks into 2021 now and I can tell you for sure that I have never been so uncertain about what a year will hold as I am right now. But I will tell you that I have no worry. I know that whatever is supposed to happen will happen. I just need to remember to sit still and to listen.
Part of my new daily practice is to wake in the morning, and after getting the kids off to school, or after getting them situated in virtual school, which is interesting, I sit down with my journal. I write, I write to God, I write to myself. I also have a couple books, spiritual minded books that I’m reading to remind me that it’s not about me. That wasn’t really what I intended to say there. But thinking about it, I think that’s the best way I can say, it’s not about me. The world is much bigger than me. I’m not to worry about the world, I’m to enjoy what I have right now to be grateful for what I have and to know that through my peace, whatever is supposed to come will come. I’ve had more fun in the past three weeks creating content that I have ever had before. Some of this content, you don’t even know about yet. Out of releasing stress and worry, I’ve actually given birth to a whole new brand. When you hear about it, you’ll think it’s funny that I say giving birth to it because it’s totally appropriate. But if you’re worrying today, I want you to try to get rid of your worry.
Actually, don’t try just to take a deep breath, and with that exhale, let your worry go. I used to get really mad at my husband when he would say: “You know babe, if we get evicted from this house, if we lose this house, it’s not where we’re supposed to be.” I would get so mad, that’s not what I wanted to hear. But in the end, my worrying about keeping us here isn’t what kept us here. It was listening. It was being still. Today, your priority needs to be taking care of yourself and taking care of those you love. And even if you’re down to your last pack of ramen, I can guarantee you that worry is not going to be the answer to your problems. I’ve shared in past episodes that I had to go to the food pantry for my family several times in 2015, 2016, 2017. Don’t be too proud my friend, resources like food pantries, food shelves, welfare, public assistance, they’re out there for points when we’re struggling. If you’re struggling today, please know that I know that you’re working as hard as you can. But maybe you’re working too hard at worrying. Let the worrywart go, though, that everything is going to work out for the best. Don’t be too proud to ask for help when you need it.
I would love to hear what you thought about this episode, so head on over to thekimsutton.com/pp690 and let me know. Until next week, go forth and make it a positive and a productive day.