PP 697: Confidence and Cockiness Don’t Have to Go Together
“After you get the clarity and the confidence, who knows how high you can go!” -Kim Sutton
Confidence and cockiness are two opposite things. You can’t have both for it contrasts the other. So how do you gain confidence and keep cockiness at bay? In this episode, Kim relates how she felt both and how it affected her business, family, and personal life. Tune in and hear what helped her regain confidence and experience abundance like never before!
00:20 The Confidence Trap
04:46 Quit Insulting Yourself
07:00 Don’t Give Up!
00:52 “Confidence and cockiness do not need to go together.” -Kim Sutton
03:24 “I’m judging myself. I need to have confidence.” -Kim Sutton
07:30 “After you get the clarity and the confidence, who knows how high you can go!” -Kim Sutton
Meet Your Host!
Kim Sutton is a Business and Marketing Automation Mentor, Speaker, and Author. She is the host of the Positive Productivity Podcast. Having been through so much including depression, domestic violence, and lack of self-care, Kim’s mission is to help her clients be positively productive by empowering them to achieve success without the burnout. She believes that positive productivity stems from system+support+self-care. Positive productivity is not about perfection, it’s about having Prioritized Purposeful Actions. Today, Kim is out to help fellow entrepreneurs reclaim their lives and make their business work.
Kim Sutton: The Positive Productivity Podcast was created to empower entrepreneurs to achieve and appreciate personal and professional success. I’m your host, Kim Sutton. And if you’re ready, let’s jump into today’s episode.
Have you ever met somebody who was super confident, but it came across this really cocky. And then on the flip side, if you met somebody who was super confident and looked at them in all, wow, look how tall they stand, and look how they project themselves outward, but it doesn’t make me feel like a little person. As we continue our conversation about boundaries and confidence. Today, I want to remind you that confidence and cockiness do not need to go together.
As a young girl between kindergarten and sixth grade, I went to a school in a very small town where our class size was very small. At the risk of sounding egotistical, I was a big fish in a small town. But at the end of sixth grade, my mother, sister and I moved to a much bigger town. Where rather than being one out of 160, I became one out of 800. In my class, I was definitely a small fish in a huge town. As if being the new girl wasn’t enough, I was also plagued by acne and the easy target for all these new kids to pick on. I had poor choices in the wardrobe, very bad. I still to this day do not like shopping for clothes. And very quickly in this new school district, I lost any confidence that I had. For the rest of my school years in that school district, I would very often stare at the ground while I was walking and avoid eye contact with anybody else. Well, I did have an awesome group of close knit friends. It took a lot for me to venture out of my small circle and talk to other people. And when I went to college, the same habits followed me. I didn’t talk to people because I was afraid of saying the wrong things. And I didn’t make eye contact with people because I was afraid that they were looking at me and judging me.
In my second year of college, one of my very dear friends told me, you know? The first year, I thought you were, and she put in a five letter word that started with a B. I want to be respectful, whatever kids you may have also listening to this so I’m just going to let you fill in those letters yourself. But when I asked her why she said, because you never talked to me, and you never looked at me. And I thought you thought that you were better than me. After I explained to her why I didn’t talk and why I didn’t look at her, we both had a good laugh. She never realized that I was just too scared and I lacked any confidence. But in that moment I realized, oh, my gosh, people are judging me. I’m touching myself, I need to have confidence. It took me another 19 years to really start grasping confidence in myself.
And even when I went to my first business function in 2017, I just needed to throw that in there. I felt like I needed to be somebody other than who I was. I bought new clothes that absolutely were not my style. I bought new shoes because I thought people would be looking at my feet, and my feet were killing by the end of that event. And when I look back at the pictures of what I did to my hair for that event, holy moly, ridiculous. Let’s just leave it that way. I did not look at all like myself. I went to that event four more times. As I kept on returning, people who had been at the previous even started to hear my true voice and started to see me as me. And they said: “Wow, Kim, why didn’t you let us see this part of you when you first came?” I shared the same laugh with them. Explain to them how I felt like I needed to be somebody other than who I really was. And I got another laugh. Why would you want to be anybody other than you?
A few years ago, I read a book, The Power of I Am by Joel Oosteen. And it really struck me because one of the things that he talks about is how, when we insult aspects of ourselves, when we look at maybe our nose and think it’s too big, or criticize our hair color, pick on our own teeth, insult any extra weight that we might have on our body, we’re insulting our Creator. I’m insulting my Creator. And in that moment, I realized that I need to embrace who I am because this is who God made me to be.
In 2019, somebody told me that my story had no place in my business. And for a few short months, I listened. But then, thanks to you my podcast listeners, I started getting messages, Kim, where did your solo episodes go? We miss your stories. We missed the authenticity, we miss your transparency. We want your stories back. And I realized that the person who had told me that my stories did not belong in my business had no idea what they’re talking about. And being confident in my story and sharing the ups, the downs, the goods, the bads and the uglies, I’ve been able to inspire people to keep on going even when the going gets really, really tough. We’ve been through foreclosure, we’ve had cars repoed, we’ve had our utilities shut off, our marriage has nearly ended. But when I started developing the confidence in myself, the confidence to establish boundaries, the confidence to say no, and the confidence to work with only people whose values and integrity aligned with mine, that’s when my business started really blooming.
I started my business in 2012, but it wasn’t until 2021 when my business really started blowing up. I want you to know that if you’ve been in this, and I want you to know that if you’ve been in business for a few years and you’re still struggling, don’t give up my friend. Don’t give up. Become clear about who you are, what you do and how you serve people. Develop confidence in your skills and your expertise in the value which you are providing to your clients and customers, and develop confidence in the fees and the prices that you are expecting people to pay for your time. After you get the clarity and the confidence, who knows how high you can go. There might not be a ceiling, but I want you to be confident in yourself.
If this episode has helped you at all, please let me know. You can go to thekimsutton.com/pp697 and leave a comment down below the show notes, or head on over to your favorite podcast listening platform and leave a rating and review. Now, with all this said, go forth and make it a positive and a productive day.